The Islands of the Fraternal Order of Moai

See ya 'round, kid.

I'm still processing. Not sure about the Poe on hold for Dax routine or Leia in space but I liked it.

There is a bar at the theater we went - they had a Christmas theme going with an appropriate yule log video on the wall...

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What happen here i can't understand.

I like that part where that guy does that thing. And he's all like "wooosh"..."mrrrrowww"..."fiiiissssssss"!
And then the Stormtrooper yells "Not on my fucking watch mister!" and he pulls out his blaster and goes "bzerreww bzerreww bzerreww" but misses everyone.
So then Darth Neurosis force chokes ALF and then Mork goes "Nanu Nanu" and decapitates Lenny and Squiggy.
But the best part was when BB8 kills that one guy offscreen and a few minutes later you see the bad guy's dead body in the elevator and his shirt says "now I have a machine gun beep beep bizzle borp"

Best Star Wars movie yet.

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A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

FOM MC- PRESIDENT
Scroties

No spoiler alert?!!!

Thanks Mike for ruining Xmas.

Sent from somewhere exotic

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Excrementus Cadaemus

Oh, I believe it has been firmly established as Cannon that the blasters in Star Wars go "pew pew pew" and not "bzerreww bzerreww bzerreww".

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What happen here i can't understand.

Maybe someone gave him a VideoCD copy of a VHS bootleg of "The Last Starfighter" and told him it was the new Star Wars?

Bzerreww, bzerreww, burn.

Sent from somewhere exotic

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Excrementus Cadaemus

Sorry...but in all fairness, it does say "Spoiler Alert" right in the thread title.
At least I didn't mention the after credits scene.
The one where Kylo Ren goes back to his apartment in Williamsburg and meets up with Hannah and Marnie and Shoshanna.
Hannah starts complaining about the lack of feminine equality and impenetrable glass ceiling within the ranks of the Empire. Going so far as to say that Captain Phasma definitely slept her way into the big leagues and that she's banged so many imperial middle men her vagina has become a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Marnie then starts whining on about how she'll never find a "nice Jewish moisture farmer" because the last good ones were on Alderaan, and well, we all know how that went".

This scene goes on for like 90 minutes but nobody stuck around because no one ever wanted a Star Wars/Girls crossover..but that's what happens when you hire the goofy looking actor from a shitty HBO melodrama to be your franchises lead villain.

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A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

FOM MC- PRESIDENT
Scroties

well I think both of these nuggets should enjoy some glory time on the up top.

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What happen here i can't understand.

Well, at least Obi Wan didn't come back looking like some DCI from Broadchurch and saying they don't talk about it with outsiders.

Speaking of which, is anyone else waiting for Prince Phillip on the Crown to fix the wireless with a sonic screwdriver?

Sent from somewhere exotic

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Excrementus Cadaemus

I liked the film and there were only a couple things I wish had gone differently. Overall I think it was excellent! Leia in space was a little odd and yet in a way, tribute to her passing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Wow.
I did not like this.
It had some great action beats, some cool well placed/timed humor and one or two unexpected angles ( not really twists )...but holy hell...that second act with the casino went on waaaaaaaaay too long, had some of the worst CGI in a Star Wars movie since the prequels, and added absolutely nothing to the story at all.
Literally nothing. You could cut that entire scene out, along with Benicio del Toro's character and you'd probably have a tighter movie.
The Rey/Kylo/Snoke scene was badass but ( in my opinion ) not enough to save it.

And not only was the Leia in Space bit wonky as all hell, but so was Yoda.

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A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

FOM MC- PRESIDENT
Scroties

Yoda was awesome. That's the Yoda I remember, not the lame Yoda in the prequels.

Yes, there was some fat in the 2.5 hour edit but maybe the idea was to set up something for Episode IX. Hopefully Benicio del Toro's thief with no name won't be the Boba Fett of the new trilogy.

I'd say more but basically this is on a similar wavelength as me....
http://www.slashfilm.com/the-last-jedi-defense

-Rev

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To taua na Moai!

Here's how you (very quickly) tighten up that movie.
Have Commander Purple Hair tell young Gomez Addams what the plan is.
This way he knows and the whole ridiculous middle portion of the movie is reduced to 2 minutes of dialogue.

"Hey Commander Purple Hair, what the dilly yo?"

"Well you see, we're gonna do this so that this happens and than hopefully that will be that".

"Cool. So no need for me and Knives Chau to call up that naugahyde midget with the coke bottle glasses and eyes that look like sphincters from the first movie so that we can concoct this bullshit plan about finding a code breaker in a casino with giant llama horses and stage the most phony looking prison break only to have the plan fail and end up right back here anyway"?

"Yup".

"It's Miller Time".


...oh and also....Luke titty squeezing a sea cow to get green milk is just fucking disgusting.

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A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

FOM MC- PRESIDENT
Scroties

This might be the funniest post I have ever read on the FOM board.

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Tikihut Honeycutt



Doing weird things in the name of art.

On the subject of Star Wars.... merry xmas and all that.



I didn't know I needed a Dubstep EDM Remix of The Imperial March in my life but apparently I do. Available on iTunes as in the video and also an instrumental version.

-Rev

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To taua na Moai!

I haven't been to see this one yet but I gotta know....

Does someone finally shoot Negan?

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Never trust a bald barber, a skinny chef, and never ever do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Ehhhh...I liked the idea of including Yoda and I liked that they used a puppet instead of the Mary Lou Retton backflipping gymnast from the prequels. But it just felt totally out of place. Like it was shoehorned in as lip service to fanboys. Much like every single C3PO and R2D2 inclusion. Completely unnecessary. In fact, that scene would have worked better if Luke did the torching. Would have cemented his resolve more.



See, here's the thing...I don't disagree with anything in that article, In fact I agree with most of it. I have no problem turning convention on it's ass and doing something new and unexpected. I liked that Rey's parents were nobody. I liked that we never find out who Snoke is. Not everyone needs to be someone else or somehow connected to the bigger picture. What I can't abide by is piss poor pacing, shitty dialogue, nonsensical choices by both the director and the characters and shoving things into a movie that don't need to be there at all.
Seriously the second act is absolutely meaningless. I defy you to tell me how it works in the greater context of the movie. How does it fit in?
Not only is the scene itself overdrawn and meaningless, but the visuals are absolutely atrocious. The CGI in the that scene looks like it was thrown together last minute by first year film students. The planet looks fake, the people look fake, it's slow to start, has no payoff and renders zero in terms of development. All it does is give Finn and whatever the hell that other chick's name is, something to do. And as far as that "other chick", why was she even in this movie? I don't remember a single thing about her except that they made her look and act like every insecure nerdy geek girl I've ever seen at a comic book store. So was that the directors intention? Give nerdy insecure comic book girls a role model? If so, um, mission accomplished...I think?



Yes but it happens off screen and we're never told by whom.

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A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

FOM MC- PRESIDENT
Scroties

Oh and one last thing....NO MORE BULLSHIT FOR THE SAKE OF SELLING TOYS. ENOUGH.

No more wide eyed penguin chickens.
No more frozen ice foxes.
No more fish nuns.
No more bizarro opposite droids.

Just fucking knock it off already.
Not one of those things had any reason to be in the movie.
Not one.

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A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

FOM MC- PRESIDENT
Scroties

Not as satisfying but I'll take it.

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Never trust a bald barber, a skinny chef, and never ever do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

I really liked TLJ. I had very few problems with it. The main thing that didn't really fit for me was Poe joking about being on hold as that didn't feel like part of the SW universe. I liked the casino scene. I didn't love the way they randomly parked and then ran through the place though. You don't have to be that street smart to know that you are going to be bringing attention to yourselves doing that. I liked seeing people who didn't have much interest in the fight of the Empire, First Order, Rebels, Resistance, or Republic other than making a profit. When I watch SW movies I want to know more about the universe, so anything we get is great.

Cross post from geek thread in black lagoon since not everyone can see that thread...



Bottom line, I did like it. Were there stupid parts that did not make sense? Yes. Were there creatures that served no other purpose than to make toys out of them? You betcha. Were many scenes almost exact replicas of scenes from prior episodes? Abso-fucking-lutely. But this has been the M.O. of Star Wars since RotJ in 1983.

I get that the casino scene was not necessary, but at least it was a new setting and not another canteen/palace/base station.

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What happen here i can't understand.

"And apparently.... half of you hated it!"

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To taua na Moai!

******SPOILER ALERT!!! SERIOUSLY. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS, I ASSURE YOU.*****

The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

There are minor quibbles;
-Most of the jokes sucked and fell flat
-Some of the CGI was shitty (crystal foxes, I'm looking in your directon)
-How the fucking fuck can something be out of range IN A VACUUM?!?!? Unless your name is foredeckape, consider this rhetorical.
-The entire Finn & Knives Chow go to the casino subplot didn't feel like Star Wars at all.
-Who was Darth Snek, really? And why is he such a dick?
-Why is Marysue Skywalker always better at everything than everyone with NO TRAINING?!?!? Also rhetorical, but I absolutely hate that Disney has made Star Wars just another princess franchise.
-Why even have Admiral Akbar in the movie if he only gets 2 lines before killing him off? That was total bullshit.
-Tiki Vee elaborated on how the movie would have been way better if Admiral Genderstudies had explained her strategy to Gomez Addams.

Then there are major quibbles;
-The same Luke Skywalker who willingly got captured by Emperor Palpatine and shipped to the Death Star because he thought there might be some good left in Darth Vader was gonna murder Darth Emo (his own nephew, mind you) in his sleep because bad feelz? Seriously???? Rian Johnson fundamentally failed to comprehend Luke's character.

-If you're gonna kill Luke at the end anyway, why bother with the astral projection tripe? It would have been so much better and so much more according to cannon if Luke actually showed up, fought Darth Emo and died a proper hero's death. Credit where it's due, Mark Hamill turned in a hell of a performance.

-The entire movie relentlessly hammers on the connection between Marysue Skywalker and Darth Emo. The entire movie relentlessly hammers even more on the need for balance in the Force. For all his faults, Darth Emo has a moment of perfect clarity, kills Darth Snek in a very cool way, displays his loyalty to Marysue Skywalker and then puts all the bullshit aside. He's all like, "Hey, Marysue Skywalker. My Space Nazis are awful people and your Every-Community-College-Ad-Ever Collective sucks, too. Both sides have been fucking up the galaxy for millennia. Since we've both been ordained by the gods of our universe as their chosen vessels, how bout we just run shit together and bring about the aforementioned balance to the Force?" And I'm all like, "No way! The writers finally figured out a way to polish this Gordian Knot of a turd!" Nope. Marysue Skywalker denies her divine right and goes back to join Finn, Knives Chow, Gomez Addams and Admiral Genderstudies. Why? There is no explanation given. No possible motive explored. No inkling of a reason reasoned.

This was the exact point where I started openly rooting for Darth Emo.

May the Force be with the First Order.

Palpatine did nothing wrong.

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"He spits his chaw like venom"

I'm surprised by how many people are saying it was predictable. Perhaps I lack imagination, but there was a bunch that I didn't see coming.

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A toast to my friend Roger.

Agree to agree.

Obviously, I had many grievances with the film. Predictability wasn't one of them.

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"He spits his chaw like venom"

Do I really need to explain vacuum? There is nothing to it.

And you can't call spoiler alert and put a spoilee in the post. If someone wants to see the Doctor Who Christmas Special before finding out who's lovechild gets to force bang Rae, they should be allowed to. Except there is no force banging in the Disney universe beyond a Haunted Mansion thigh rub on grad night and I did not feel objectified when she did it. But, back on topic, both parties would have to be equally strong with the force for mutually consenting force banging so it probably isn't a good trope anyway. However, even a friendly force shoulder rub might be considered an abuse of power and a step into the dark side. So, like even if you didn't know you had force powers and lived on a sand planet, you could unknowingly Jedi mind trick some attractive being into a blanket dance and bam!, you are on track for upper management in the Empire.

And as to the range of an energy weapon, it would depend on the collmation of the weapon since the energy hitting the target is a function of the dispersion cone. The range would be something like the square root of the weapon power times sine of the cone angle divided by the kill power divided by 4 pi.

Really, a couple of glasses of wine and a jazz recording should really get you a pass on the whole Jedi mind trick mutual consent paradox.

Sent from somewhere exotic

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Excrementus Cadaemus