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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2020 6:55 pm 
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Honui Moai
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Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:54 am
Posts: 1858
Location: Xalapa, VER (México)
Personal Statement: Sleeps in hollow logs
CowtownKahuna wrote:
Let's get the musician/light bulb jokes out of the way.

Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and nine to stand around and talk about how they could have done it better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and nine to stand around and talk about how Neil Pert could have done it better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They have machines to do that now.

Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you've gotta show him TEN FUCKING TIMES!

Q: How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds on to the light bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: What's the difference between a dead trombonerist in the middle of the road and a dead snake in the middle of the road?
A: The snake was on his way to a gig.

Q: How do you know whan a drummer's at your front door?
A: The knock keeps speeding up and slowing down, and he doesn't know when to come in.

Q: What's the last thing a stripper does to her asshole before work?
A: Hands him his sticks and drops him off at practice.



Gotta get these in, while we're at it:

Q: What's the difference between a tenor saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: Vibrato.

Q: What's the difference between a clarinet and a cello?
A: The cello burns longer.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A: Ya gotta wear shoes to jump on a banjo.


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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2020 3:39 pm 
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Honui Moai
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Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 3:03 pm
Posts: 3675
Location: Land of the Queequeg (Mass.)
I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" mixed up.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia!

:pieface:

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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2020 10:14 pm 
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Chapter Tohunga
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Joined: Mon May 30, 2016 2:25 pm
Posts: 926
Personal Statement: Taog eht
The Mayor Of Exotica wrote:
CowtownKahuna wrote:
Let's get the musician/light bulb jokes out of the way.

Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and nine to stand around and talk about how they could have done it better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and nine to stand around and talk about how Neil Pert could have done it better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They have machines to do that now.

Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you've gotta show him TEN FUCKING TIMES!

Q: How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds on to the light bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: What's the difference between a dead trombonerist in the middle of the road and a dead snake in the middle of the road?
A: The snake was on his way to a gig.

Q: How do you know whan a drummer's at your front door?
A: The knock keeps speeding up and slowing down, and he doesn't know when to come in.

Q: What's the last thing a stripper does to her asshole before work?
A: Hands him his sticks and drops him off at practice.



Gotta get these in, while we're at it:

Q: What's the difference between a tenor saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: Vibrato.

Q: What's the difference between a clarinet and a cello?
A: The cello burns longer.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A: Ya gotta wear shoes to jump on a banjo.


Q: How do you get two oboes to play in tune?
A: Shoot one.

Q: Why is a viola so much bigger than a violin?
A: It's not - the violist's head is just too small.

Q: How do you get a guitarist to play quieter?
A: Put music in front of him/her.

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"Clarity, transparency, and a good Mai Tai."

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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2020 11:23 am 
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Honui Moai
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Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:48 am
Posts: 757
Location: indanapolis
Personal Statement: tiki
Don’t look up here

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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2020 2:08 pm 
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Kere
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Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 2:05 pm
Posts: 15761
Location: The apartment above Gunsmoke's James Arness.
Personal Statement: cromagnon ohio thugs
Stop me if you've heard this one....

A long-haul trucker pulls into a truck stop, gets out of his rig and walks into the diner.

He takes a seat at the counter and looks up at the menu sign.

Grilled Cheese - $3
Cheeseburger - $5
Handjobs - $35

The trucker looks around the diner and spots a gorgeous redhead behind the counter.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Are you the one who gives the handjobs I seen the menu?"

The gorgeous redhead smiles and says, "Yes, sir. I am."

To which the trucker replies, "Great. Wash your hands. I want one of them cheeseburgers."

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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2020 7:59 pm 
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Kere
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Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 11:28 pm
Posts: 11223
Location: Gumbo Limbo Chapter!
Personal Statement: Down with Pants!
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Never trust a bald barber, a skinny chef, and never ever do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2020 1:59 pm 
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Fellow Moai
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Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:58 pm
Posts: 641
Location: Central New York
Personal Statement: In everything: Balance
A couple goes to see a marriage counselor. They say their marriage is on the rocks because they never speak to each other. The counselor tries to get them to talk, but they just sit there with their arms folded and their mouths closed. So, he pulls out an upright bass and starts taking a solo. Instantly, the couple turns to each other and starts conversing for the first time in months. Shocked by this, the couple asks the counselor: “How did you know that would work?” “Simple,” he says, “Everyone always talks during a bass solo.”

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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2020 4:23 pm 
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Hoa Manu
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Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 6:34 am
Posts: 1061
Location: Beyond The Sun
Personal Statement: Liiiighten up, Francis...
Herman has been in the dementia ward of a nursing home for several years. One of the nurses there has been visiting with him everyday for years - just to cheer him up and talk with him. One day she walks into the room and Herman is crying his eyes out. "What's the matter Herman, why are you crying?" she asked. "My penis died!" Herman says. "What?" said the nurse. "My penis died!!" said Herman through sobs. Thinking this was just an effect of the dementia, she consoled Herman, told him his penis didn't die and after a bit got him to stop crying. The next day she went to visit Herman and saw him walking up and down the hallway with his penis hanging out. "Herman! You can't do that!" She grabbed Herman and hustled him to his room and got him dressed. "Why are you doing this, that's not allowed? Besides, you said yesterday that your penis died."

Herman said "It did.....today's the viewing..."


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 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:17 pm 
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Tourist
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Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:34 pm
Posts: 63
Location: Denver CO
Personal Statement: AcmeTiki.com
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre.


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