Aloha!

What is the perfect activity for couples this Saturday? So-called "experts" will tell you the best formula involves flowers, chocolate, jewelry and a nice romantic dinner for two at some stuffy place with a name like Chez Francois.

Wrong!

Clearly the ideal thing to do is go to a tiki bar and order holiday-appropriate cocktails and a pu-pu platter for two. Or, if you prefer a more intimate evening you can retire to your personal tiki bar. Yes, the Moai know that everyone reading this has a home tiki bar.

Now, what to order? The Moai recommend...

• Love in the South Pacific. As seen on Tiki Bar TV episode 10! The special ingredient is love.
• Polynesian Spell. A classic from the Kahiki Supper Club, as seen in Beachbum Berry's Grog Log.
• Coconut Kiss. A good after dinner drink from Tiki Drinks by Adam Rocke and Shag.
• Trader Vic's Passion Punch. Dust off that copy of Trader Vic's Tiki Party!
• Scorpion Bowl. For two, of course. Everyone should know this one by heart but if not, refer to the Grog Log.

If you are flying solo this year we suggest a couple classics. For the recently jilted the obvious choice is the Suffering Bastard. Everyone else should consider a squadron of Jet Pilots and just have a good time making fun of all the couples.

Enjoy!

— Tagata Maori Rogorogo