Aloha,

The recent announcement from the F.O.M. Test Labs generated a number of reader responses, mostly along the lines of: "What the heck are the F.O.M. Test Labs???"

Good question! Also surprisingly difficult to answer given the secrecy that surrounds the labs but here is some basic information that we can share.

The labs were founded in 2005, we think, and their motto is: Making the world a better place in the past, present, and future... but not necessarily in that order. They haven't really explained that last part. The labs pursue a wide scope of work and have locations all over the world to ensure the best environment for the different experiments.

The most visible part of the work at the labs is done in the Media Labs which produce a variety of informational and entertainment programs. You've probably seen some of these productions without even noticing the subliminal messaging source. They have also recently started an animated video podcast to answer questions about the labs.

The Moai also spend a lot of time in the Test Kitchens at the labs perfecting new and interesting cocktails and cocktail ingredients. Be sure to check those out at our next room crawl or meet & greet event.

A lot of information about the labs is really just wild rumors and speculation. The Moai absolutely deny claims that the labs are engaged in illegal human cloning^[‡]. We also believe the labs have an excellent safety record, thanks the Safety Division, and deny rumors about massive industrial accidents involving citrus juices and particle accelerators.

However, it is true that the Test Labs have a Zombie Suppression Unit, that's not a rumor. But it isn't like we created the zombies, someone else did that. We're just keeping the problem under control. By the way if you see a road sign that says Zombies Ahead!!! you really should pay attention. Rolling up the car windows is a good idea too.

We hope this has helped to explain a bit about the F.O.M. Test Labs.

Keep the torches burning,

—Tagata Maori Rogorogo

^[‡] The Moai have no comment on the subject of legally sanctioned human cloning.