Aloha!

All of the tabloids have been talking up some new research in Canada analyzing a zombie outbreak. Over at the F.O.M. Test Labs they always like to see new data that can be applied to dealing with zombies so this was must-read stuff.

So, imagine the surprise when the lab technicians realized that this urgent breaking news is about a mathematical analysis of a hypothetical zombie outbreak.

What?

Sure, math is always popular reading material over in the labs but why waste time doing a model for a hypothetical outbreak when there are oodles of data on real zombie attacks? (By the way, guys, you have some really flawed information on zombie biology and tactics.) The clones over in the Zombie Suppression Unit are having big laugh at the earnest conclusion in the report that "the most effective way to contain the rise of the undead is to hit hard and hit often."

Well.... duh! Who doesn't know that? We've got the spent shell casings to prove it!

This paper is a clear example of why field research is so critical. There is some very good modeling done in the paper but the inputs are flawed and this results in equally flawed conclusions. And of course wild eyed media coverage results in more uninformed speculation.

Seriously people. Put down the mouse and pick up a shotgun loaded with slugs and do some basic research.

Then cool off with a Beachbum Berry Zombie while you write your after action report.

Keep the torches burning (and your powder dry),

—Tagata Maiori Rogorogo