News and Announcements
OHANA: Back in Black06/18/2018
Sorry for the radio silence. I ran off and got hitched at the Mai Kai at the beginning of the month, so most of May was spent planning THAT party. But now that I’m back and my brain cells have had a chance to regrow (what? They don’t regrow? Really? Ooooh, this does not bode well for the brainthinks)… ummm… what was I saying?
Oh yeah, OHANA!!!
So, its still sold out.
I’ll zap an email off to ticket holder’s email addresses soon about the check-in process and what to expect and to guilt you into buying stuff in the Silent Auction (For real though, I dont need to guilt ya… there’s some GREAT stuff in there… more info coming soon!).
If you’re still on the ticket waitlist, all hope is not lost, but its definitely fading. With only two weeks left, most conflicts have been resolved, and I don’t foresee any more cancellations (apart from maybe a family/work emergency?) On the flip side of that, if you have tickets and cant go, let me know NOW!!! I’ll help you unload them quick!
If you don’t wind up with tickets, that sucks. And I’m sorry and I wish the venue could handle more people. We’ll hopefully see you next year.
Please don’t just show up hoping to score tickets in the parking lot (its not a Grateful Dead show) or in the hopes of just sneaking in. Security has its hands full with the local kids who try to crash. You folks are better than that.
Start checking your emails in January as ticket sales will be around the same time as they were this year.
Oh yeah… MUGS. So the Ohana bowls have arrived. I haven’t had time to get through them all just yet (been paying the piper his pound of flesh at the day job this past week), but it looks like there will be SOME extra (some broke in shipping). I’ll start going through the mug waitlist in a couple days. When you get that email, you need to act QUICK, or the next person on the list gets your mug. Lots of folks on the list with limited mugs and time… be ready. He who hesitates… mastur… uhhh…doesnt get a mug!
Ok, I’m already punchy from the heat and lack of sleep/active braincells, so I’m wrapping up.
Love you all. Keep being awsome, and we’ll see ya at Lake (if not this year, next year for sure!)
OHANA: Bowls and Bands and Battlestar Galactica04/16/2018
Ok, first off, you all need to lay off the crazy-pills. Demand this year has been cuckoo-bananas, and I feel terrible that Ohana 10 is becoming “The Year of the Waiting Lists”, but yes, we need to start another one…for mugs.
In case you missed the mug sale on Friday, you are not alone… they completely sold out in about 7 minutes and I know a LOT of you got left out.
Now, I can’t promise anything, but I reached out to Squid about possibly increasing the run (extra APs, or just flat out running more), and he’s going to try. There are two bottle-necks… the molds themselves are only good for casting a finite number of bowls (a number we have already hit) but he’s going to try to push them. The second is the bowl glaze. That color is custom for us, there isn’t enough time to get more made, and we wont know how much extra (if any) we have until the original run is complete.
All of that being said, we do always run a couple extra just in case there is breakage in shipping, and we’re hopeful that the molds will hold out… worst case, the glaze may be a bit different. So, if you bought tickets and did NOT get an Ohana Bowl, please email me back and let me know you want in on the waiting list. We’ll try to cover everyone, but again, I can promise nothing at this point. Just hit REPLY to this email and write “BOWL” or something in the body and I’ll get you added to the waiting list.
And while I’m on the subject of waiting lists, those who are on the tickets waiting list, please remain patient. We are at full capacity and its a one-out:one-in type of thing. If/when people cancel, I’ll move through the waiting list in order. There are a LOT of folks on the list, so I can only give you 24 hours to respond and then I’ve got to move on to the next folks on the list. So, if you’re waiting for Ohana tickets, check that inbox daily!
Ok, on to happier things! Lets talk about whats in store for you at Ohana this year, music-wise.
As we’ve already announced, we’ve got Southern Culture On The Skids joining us, but there is a TON of other music in store for you and your boogie shoes. “Who?” you ask? Let me tell ya…
First off we have our “house band” 9th Wave joining us again, bringing the ruckus and the Aloha like no other band out there. Hot Rod and Tiki Surf music from a group of folks that completely epitomize OHANA and what the event is all about. 9th Wave IS family, they are Ohana, and we’re lucky to have them back again. Amazing tunes played by super talented musicians, they are the Aloha Ambassadors of Ohana!
We’re also super lucky that we have another Ohana staple joining us…
Yes, WAITIKI, the only band certified by the FDA as “Generally recognized as safe”, will be returning to melt your brain with classic and modern exotica from the swingingest group of hep-cats I know. Master of Exotica, Masters of Mixology, Masters of the Mood, WAITIKI will bring you on a musical journey to the islands and beyond. Grab your favorite drink and get ready to be swept away.
Also joining us this year after countless years of correspondence and near misses is the Jimmy Psycho Experiment. Cranking out amped-up lounge and exotica the JPX is “the world’s only spooky/sci fi/punk rock lounge act”. I’m stoked we were finally able to get them to join us at Ohana! This is one act you do NOT want to miss. Think “Rat pack meets the Ramones”…or vice versa, and you’re on the right trail. Expect the unexpected…expect to be amazed.
And finally, last, but by no means least, joining us for the first time at Ohana are The Swingin’ Palms! Coming straight outta the Hudson, these cats earn the name “swingin” with incredible Hawaiian, Hapa, and original songs, beautifully arranged and performed with traditional Hawaiian steel guitar and electro-Spanish guitar. Its an amazing sound that is perfect for our Poolside Paradise and I know you’re going to dig ‘em a LOT!!
Ok, much more to come about everything, but this email is already waaaaaay too long, so I’m wrapping it up. Email me if you missed the mugs or if you have fun facts about platypuses…platypi? i guess that’s the first fact I need…whats the proper plural… and what are they called in a group? I’m hoping its a “Murder of Platypi”
Keep on being awesome, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: A reminder, a warning, and a premonition...04/11/2018
Aloha Kats and Kittens!!
Well, I’m being told that the email system is going down for maintenance tomorrow (hopefully to fix the issues some of you have been having with getting my periodic pearls of wisdom in your inbox), so I’m sending you a reminder now!
A reminder that the 10th Anniversary Ohana Bowl will be on SALE to TICKET HOLDERS ONLY this Friday, at 11.09am.
You will be asked to supply the same email you used when you bought your tickets, and you will be able to buy that number of bowls (1 ticket:1 bowl, 2 tickets:2 bowls, 3 tickets:3 bowls…do I need to keep going? I feel like the Count on Sesame Street… FOUR TICKETS!!! FOUR BOOOOOOOWLS!!!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!)
With only 103 of them, I expect them to go quick, so if you want one, don’t delay.. start hitting that refresh button on the mug page at 1107am http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/ohana_mug.php
Now, on to things you can do right now!! You can sign up to host a room crawl room!!!
You know the score…
1) Open your doors
2) Serve a cocktail
3) Help spread the Aloha!!
4) Get the adulation of hundreds of Ohanians
For real, the crawl is the sauce that makes the whole weekend awesome, and I cant wait to see what you crazy kids come up with for this year.
If you’ve hosted before, and want to do it again, awesome!! You rock!! If you finally want to host to pay back 9 years of folks making great drinks for you, double plus awesome!! Lets get some new faces out there hosting!!
For more info if you’re on the fence, or to just straight up sign-up, email Reverend Thumper at geoffb91(at)gmail(dot)com
Super much more awesomeness to come, but I’m totally unprepared and just winging it on this email… (Like you can tell the difference? lol)
Buy those bowls, sign up to host a crawl room, enjoy your weekend, and I’ll talk to ya next week!
Keep on Aloha-ing, and we’ll see ya at the Lake.
OHANA: The one about the mug03/22/2018
Its been a doozy of a couple of weeks here at the Interocitor Factory, so my apologies on the radio silence.
I’ve got a zillion things to tell you about, but as you know, I have the tendency to get a little too “wordy” in these emails and go on too many tangents, so I’m going to stick to only one or two topics, and try to not get too crazy on ya. (Go ahead and place your bets now… The over/under is 4 paragraphs… can Bargoyle keep it together for 4 paragraphs…. lets find out!)
Today’s teaser is ROOM CRAWL!!!!
Rev. Thumper, the upstanding gentleman from the State of New Hampshire who heads up the crawl, is currently on vacation (the nerve of some people), so I’ll get into more details next week, but start thinking CRAWL in the meantime.
The Room Crawl is one of my favorite parts of Ohana. So creative, so delicious, so mentally scaring (Ok, thats just the biker’s room that leaves mental and physical scars)… for real though, the Aloha you folks sling during the crawl is the stuff of legend. So if you’re ready to pay it back, pay it forward, pay it sideways, and host, you freaking ROCK!!!
Also, while we’re on it, we have some of those adjoining rooms at the tiki JUST for CRAWL purposes… you know, the rooms where you go in one door, pass through into an adjoining room and come out the other door… makes for an easy flow of room crawling folks… so, if you dont have a room at the Tiki, and have another couple you want to host a crawl room with… we can get you into one those double-pass through rooms… did I explain that right?
Are we technically extorting you into hosting a crawl room in order to get a prime room at the Tiki Resort during Ohana? Yes. Yes we are.
So start finding friends you want to host with, and I’ll give you all the details about how to sign up in the next email…
Now, next topic….lets FINALLY get to this year’s mug…
I’ve mentioned a few times that this is the Bucket List Ohana… Its #10, and I want to try to do ALL the things that were too crazy, too costly, too big, too involved, etc for past years, and #1 on that list with a bullet was the mug.
You see… its NOT a mug this year… its a BOWL.
Yes, its the freaking 10th Anniversary Ohana Bowl, and it is flat out amazing. Once again, Squid floors me with his talents and pure genius when it comes to making the coolest stuff on the planet. Go show him some love over at www.SquidArt.com
You want to see it, don’t you?
Yes, thats the fat-belly tiki from outside the Paradise Lounge of the Tiki Resort, and YES, his head is hollowed out so you can put 151 in there and set him ablaze!
Its a two person bowl (or one VERY thirsty person) and holds like 24 ounces ….I dont recall the exact number, but I know it’ll take a little more than half of my bottle of St Ides.
So, because of the size and complexity of this one, we’re only doing 103 bowls, and we’re keeping the price at a VERY reasonable $80. Yup. You read that right. 80 bucks and you’ve got a piece of history that only a hundred other people will ever have…ever.
I was thinking about that the other day… like, we love finding old glassware and treasures from the history of the Tiki Resort… but now we’re actually a PART of that history. You’re all part of the history of this amazing place now. And in 20 years, it will be OUR artifacts that people will be finding and coveting. That’s pretty freaking cool. And you guys did this!! Helping kids in need and creating a new history of a great place… good on ya! You folks RULE!!
Anyway, yeah… So, the bowl… ONLY available to Ohana attendees, only 103 will be made, only $80. We’ll start pre-selling them Friday, April 13th (spoooky!!!) at 11:09am EST.
You’ll need the email you used to buy tickets to be able to buy a bowl. If any are left over, we’ll sell them at the event, but that usually doesn’t happen, so if you want one, I suggest pre-purchasing one on the 13th. You’ll be able to pick it up at Ohana when you check-in to the event. Easy Breezy!
I’ll leave ya with a bunch of pics of the awesomeness. Much more to come soon about everything, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
No, he does NOT detach from the bowl. Just a pic where you can see the detail of this cool little guy before he goes into the bowl!!
OHANA: Monkey Shines and Pickle Brines03/06/2018
Aloha Kats and Kittens!!!
Today’s email is brought to you by the letter “R” and the number 5, but before I commence to the learning, lets knock out some housekeeping. (Oh joy! housekeeping!!?!?!? Lets!!!)
Both OHANA and the Kickoff Boat Party are still 100% SOLD OUT. We’ve got a waiting list up and running, and its already getting pretty deep, so if you don’t have tickets you’d best get on the list ASAP. I feel I should point out that being on the list does NOT guarantee you a ticket, but if/when any become available, we’ll work through the list in the order that requests were received.
If you need to get on the waitlist, here’s the link:
And PLEASE let me know HOW MANY TICKETS you’re looking for in the COMMENTS portion.
Alright, I think the house is kept, so lets move on to the new hotness as I hit your dome with some awesomesauce.
Show of hands, who loves cocktails? Ok, hold on.. keep em up, there’s a lot of you, this may take awhile to count…
Too many to count, lets just go with EVERYONE.
Hey, I’m with ya. And thanks to our good friends at DeadHead Rum you’ve got a chance to show your love for cocktails, and win some AWESOME stuff in the process…
Yes, the often imitated, never duplicated, five-star-rated, finely grated OHANA COCKTAIL CONTEST is back!!!
And this year the star of the show is DeadHead’s NEW Dark Chocolate Rum. Look at this guy!! He’s freaking amazing!! And if you think the bottle is cool, wait until you try whats inside!
I should point out up front that EVERYONE who enters the Cocktail Contest will get a sick new DeadHead T-shirt (yes, just for entering the contest you get a prize!)
The contest is open to ALL Ohana attendees, and you don’t need to be a “master mixologist” to have shot at winning this thing. We’re looking for easy ingredients making an easy (and delicious) cocktail. Even a cocktail hack like me has a shot!
Five (5) Finalists will be chosen to mix their cocktail creations LIVE at Ohana. The finalists all get the killer new DeadHead Tiki Mug and cool swag, and then the winner of those five gets the coveted Ohana trophy, an AMAZING gift-basket from DeadHead, and bragging rights for a full year (until Ohana 2019).
So, how do you get in on this action? And what’s required? Settle down my eager friend, and allow me to elucidate:
Your Task: Create a Delicious Cocktail using DeadHead Dark Chocolate Rum.
Note: The cocktail should be a NON-DESSERT cocktail. We want something we can drink by the half-dozen while floating in the pool, not a meal capper.
Double Note: All cocktail ingredients should be readily commercially available or EASILY made, and keep it to five (5) ingredients or less (not including garnish)
Once you’ve designed your masterpiece make a SHORT (90 seconds or less!!) video that’s your vision of a commercial for DeadHead Dark Chocolate Rum that features your drink. So, focus on the FINAL drink and its presentation. As my old man used to say “I just want to know what time it is, not how to build the watch.” Oh, and make sure the DeadHead brand shines through in your video (Happy Sponsor = better chance at the grand prize).
Thats it! Make a drink, make a short video featuring said drink, give a sample of said drink to Bargoyle because he always misses the Cocktail Contest. Easy, Peasy, Rice and Cheesey.
More info and official rules and entry forms and the glavin can be had from the always lovely, always talented, NiferTiki who will once again be spearheading the contest. Shoot her an email at nifertiki(at)comcast(dot)net to get your spot in the contest and all the details..
Now, get to mixing and show us what time it is!!
Much more to come really soon about EVERYTHING, and I know I promised more mug info in this one, but we ran into some issues with the test glazes, so you’ll have to bear with me just a little longer on the mug stuff, cool?
Still, I’m a “my word is my bond” kinda guy, so here’s another peek at it….
Keep being awesome, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: A bunch of crazy animals02/16/2018
First off, y’all are crazy. Crazy in the best way possible, and I love ya for it!
So, I was working on a whole “Tickets are going fast so don’t delay” email message to you, but then you folks went and bought them all while I was writing it.
So, yes… OHANA tickets are SOLD OUT!!
The Kickoff boat party is also SOLD OUT!!!
Does this mean that if it took you more than a day to pull the trigger on tickets that you are S.O.L.? Maybe. But maybe not.
We’ve got a wait list set up in the TICKETS section of web page over at http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php
PLEASE be sure to let me know HOW MANY you’re looking for, and if you want JUST Ohana, or if you want in on the Kickoff waitlist as well.
The wait list is getting deep already, and its first come, first served in the event of any cancellations, so don’t delay, get on today!
And now, because I promised it last time, lets tease the mug a little. I dont have any pics of a finished one (Squid is still testing different glaze colors), but I have some shots of the wax sculpt I can share.
Ok, “shots” was wrong of me to say. I’ve got one shot of some close-up detail I’ll share. You’ve got to know me well enough by now to know I’m not gonna tip my hand before they’re ready for an official unveiling.
And when they are… Sweet Jumping Jehoshaphat are you gonna be floored. For real. This one is something special.
Ok, I’ve teased ya enough… here’s a pic…
Awesome sauce right? And thats just a teeny tiny part of it… unglazed… made of wax!!
Anyway, I gotta get back to the day job. Much more to come soon about everything, so stay patient with me.
Have a great weekend, go out and make some poor decisions, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Can I kick it one time?02/10/2018
Just a quick note today to remind you that tickets for Ohana will be on sale Tuesday February 13th at 11:00AM. What better Valentine’s gift for yourself or a loved one than some tickets to the greatest Ohana yet? None. There is none better gift. I’ve done your shopping for you…you’re welcome.
And while I’m here in your inbox shilling tickets to the event, what better time to also plug the always amazing, not-to-be-missed, completely over-the-top KICKOFF PARTY? Again, none. There is none better time. Allow me to convince you….
OK, for real, the KickOff party is the mood setter for the weekend. Its always a great time… a good way to decompress from the daily grind and get yourself in the right headspace for the rest of the weekend. There are ALWAYS some sort of shenanigans going on, and its where we see all the costumes that we judge (and give trophies for on Saturday!).
And this year is no different in those regards. A crazy party with awesome drinks, great live music, delicious food, and prizes and games and all manner of nonsense that will be the talk of the weekend… but there is one big difference from recent years… We’re taking the movable feast to the Seas!!!
Alright, not the “Seas”, but the Lake. Yes, Thursday is your chance to see the beauty and splendor of Lake George from ON THE WATER, while you get your grub and groove on (and your cocktail on too!) aboard the Lac du Saint Sacrement steamship.
And let me state right off the bat, this is NOT like the boat from the last time we tried this. Don’t get me wrong, that was fun as hell out on the water, but only one bar and no air conditioning made for a warm cruise. I didn’t want to do another boat cruise unless those issues were addressed.
The Saint? Almost twice as big and FULLY Air Conditioned! Two bars, plus a service bar that waitstaff will be running drinks from all night (no waiting for cocktails!) and a special cocktail menu we’ve worked out JUST for our event!! Add in FOUR Buffet lines of delicious food and a HUGE dance floor/stage with a balcony, and this candle just got lit at both ends.
I mean seriously.. look at this thing!
Its the gem of Lake George… and we’ve got it for the night!!!
We’re still putting the finishing touches on the band and the theme, so I cant tip my hand just yet, but lets go with BOAT as a kickoff theme!
You need more than that? Ok.. fine… Pirates of the Spanish Main is the working theme right now . So get working on that costume! As always, we’ll have prizes for costumes, as well as some other prizes and contests/games this year. I mean, its Ohana #10 (who knew we’d make it this far?!?!?) and its going to be a freaking blow out! A celebration of all we’ve accomplished in the past 10 years, and you, yes YOU, are the biggest part of that. So, consider it a celebration of you… its attendee appreciation day, all weekend long, and it all starts with a gigantic bang on Thursday, so come on out early and set sail with us!
Kickoff tickets will be on sale on the 13th when Ohana weekend tickets go on sale, and we are a little limited by the size of the boat… so don’t risk putting it off and having the High Seas party sell out. Same for the Ohana weekend tickets. They will sell out as well, so for real, don’t delay in buying them. Oh, and a quick reminder, just having a room at the Tiki Resort does NOT guarantee you an Ohana ticket.
Buy ALL your Ohana/Kickoff passes on the 13th and make yourself, and/or a loved one extra happy!! What could be sexier? Throw on some Barry White, light some candles, put on that outfit your partner likes (the one that makes your butt look cute… you know the one) and lay some Ohana tickets on them. RO-mance! With a capital RO!
And its in the spirit of Valentine’s Day that I’m going to tease you and make everything more exciting with anticipation… next email we’ll talk about the awesome mug that Squid is making… I seriously don’t know how he keeps topping himself, but holy cow has this one come out amazing!! No joke… As if things couldn’t get even more awesomer… oh boy, just you wait.
Much more to come about absolutely everything as we keep swinging for the fences.
In my rush to get the news out to you, I forgot a few things.
1) COST of kickoff.. $50.00 Includes dinner, entertainment, and the boat trip.
2) Boat will load at 630pm on Thursday, so plan travel accordingly. (the plan is to raise anchor at 7.30pm, but anyone cutting it that tight will be keelhauled. Plan on being there at 6.30!!)
3) There will most likely be a Bon Voyage happy hour at the Tiki before we roll en mass down to the boat dock, so the earlier on Thursday you can show up, the better… maybe just arrive on Wed? See Lake George!!
Stay awesome, and we’ll see ya at (and ON) the Lake!
OHANA: No Longer Subliminal!01/16/2018
Aloha Kats and Kittens!!!
Well, I think I’ve got this email thing sorted out, so its time to get
into the nitty gritty details about Ohana this year.
With Snowpocalypse 2: Subzero Boogaloo about to whomp 50% of the country,
lets turn our thoughts to warmer, happier things… tiki things…OHANA
First off, tickets!!
$125 this year, but that’s not a cash grab… its an increase in awesome
across the board as we make this Ohana the biggest and best yet. I’m off
my meds and I have access to the check-book, so strap in kids, Ohana 2018
is gonna be a wild ride!
So, I guess we should sell some of these tickets, right? We’re still
putting the final touches on the kickoff party, and we want to have all
the tix available at the same time, so give me an extra week to get that
put to bed. Lets say…. Tuesday the 13th (spooooooky!) of February for
tickets. 11.00AM EST.
You know the drill… Hit up the webpage at www.LuauAtTheLake.com and
click the TICKETS link. if the link doesn’t show tickets available, hit
refresh, and be patient. Sometimes it takes the intarweb a minute or two
to catchup to the awesome sauce we’re laying down!
Ohana sells out every year so for really reals, don’t delay in getting
Ok, so we’ve got a ticket sale date…let’s start letting some of these
cats out of their bags…
I’ll just make one announcement today regarding entertainment… its a big
I hinted at it in last weeks email. Subliminally peppered it throughout
the email, but you probably didn’t notice. And not because I’m so clever
and you were too slow to pick up on it…no you didn’t notice my
subliminal messages because I’m an idiot who doesn’t understand how the
See, I spent HOURS on the last email, reformatting it, and rewording it on
the off chance someone might pick up on the pattern… only to find out
that email reformats itself depending on the device its opened on. The
ONLY way you could have possibly seen what I spent so long setting up, was
if you hit the “VIEW IN BROWSER” button on the top of the email. And who
does that? NO ONE. No one does that.
Don’t bother going back to do it now. I’ll post a screenshot here so you
can see what it was supposed to look like, with the pattern in bold… I
think you’ll get it… or not? Pic of the screen…tough to read, I know.
<img of email>
For those that are reading on a phone, or don’t have their “reader
glasses” on (no judgement … i’m up to TRIfocals now!) the first letter
of each line in each paragraph repeats the same letters…
Who’s Scots, you ask?
Why that’s Southern Culture On The Skids!!!
And yes, they will be joining us (and performing!) at Ohana this year. So
grab that fried chicken and banana pudding and get ready to kick it
Needless to say, we’re thrilled!!! All credit and glory to Jet Sterling
for putting this together after years of near misses.
And speaking of misses, Ohana #10 is NOT to be missed <awesome segue!>.
And we’re just getting started.
Southern Culture On The Skids is just the tip of the proverbial Ohana
Iceberg. Much more to come on them, other entertainers, kickoff party,
mug, swag, and everything else really really soon.
Keep on rockin’, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
PS. If you are unfamiliar with Southern Culture On The Skids, holy cow are
you in for a treat! You can go get more info on them over at
https://www.scots.com . Buy it all. Every album (they all rock), every
shirt and souvenir…every EVERYTHING!! Check out their music and live
performance videos, and you’ll soon be just as psyched as we are that
they’re joining us! Again, much more to come real soon. Stay tuned.
OHANA: Its almost time.....01/11/2018
So, I’m back, and yes, I still don’t have any idea what I’m doing with this new crazy email system. I know a lot of you didn’t get the last email (I didn’t even get one!) but I think (think is the operative word here) that its fixed? Let’s find out together! I’ve got a bunch to tell you about but I also can’t really say much until some I’s are crossed and some T’s are dotted….
So, why am I bugging you today… I’ll be honest, mostly to test the email system, check the functionality and see if its fixed… because VERY VERY soon, I can open my big mouth about all the super secret awesome stuff we’ve been trying to put together. This Ohana will be our 10th one, and we’re pulling out all the stops.
Squid is already hard at work on something I’ve wanted to do for 10 years for the collectible souvenir mug. Its big, its bad, and its super limited. We’re really trying our best to keep the cost in line, but keep in mind this one is going to be limited to only 100 pieces, so it may be a little more than usual… But trust me when I say that its WELL worth it. I can’t wait to share the prototypes with ya!
Soon (very soon) we should have the tix announcement (in the next email? coming as soon as next week or so? ) We’re still gunning to have tickets on sale later this month or early next month, so keep watching for emails, tweets, and facepages. This is a big one (#10!), and we just want to make sure that everyone who wants to join us, can.
Much more to come soon. Big announcements! Tickets! Bands! Etc!
Keep being awesome and we’ll see ya at the lake!
Ohana 2018 - Mele Mele Mele!12/21/2017
Ok, so the homegrown email program I was using completely crapped out, and then Earthlink put a limit on the number of emails I’m allowed to send, so the FOM got me an account to this fancy schmancy mailing program thingy.
If I didnt know what I was doing before, its like double that now. Like why is everything centered? How do I change that? No clue!!!
Anyway, OHANA 2018… its a biggie. Believe it or not, we’ve already got a few months (ok, more than a few) of work into it, but I still cant announce much.
Here’s what I can say… if it all comes together… its going to be HUGE. I mean, its the 10th one. We’ve gotta pull out all the stops, right?
Also, we may have a ticket increase but JUST FOR 2018. We’ve got some big acts and some super cool one of a kind Ohana swag we want to give everyone, and that may mean tweaking the price a bit. Nothing crazy. 10 or 20 bucks at most. But that extra cash will soooo be worth it. A couple cool Ohana collectibles that only attendees will have, and a weekend of mind bending mayhem so over the top you’ll think I’m checking things off my bucket list (I am!!)
So, tickets should be on sale sometime in February. Hopefully early Feb. And I should have a ton of info for you really soon.
Sorry for the radio silence (Or not? I’m best in small doses. you needed a break from me), and I promise to learn how this new email system works… someday… before Ohana 2020…maybe…. I promise.
In the meantime, have a safe and happy New Year, and the Meleist of Kalikimakas possible!!!
See ya at the Lake!
OHANA: The Singularity05/19/2017
Aloha one and all!!!!
Much to tell you about, but I’m constantly told (by more than just the voices in my head) to keep these emails short, so the message isn’t lost or muddied, or buried, and makes some sort of sense.
I know, forget that noise, but I really do have important stuff, so lets see how long I can keep the crazy reeled in today, shall we?
We shall!!!! (that didn’t last long, did it?)
First up, Tomorrow… May 20th… That’s the last day you can cancel your Ohana tickets and get a refund. Its sold out, and there are a BUNCH of folks on the waiting list, so your spot will be taken up quick (even though we’ll miss you.) If you need to cancel after that date, due to some emergency, we’ll still work with you. We aren’t unreasonable and running to Mexico with all your money because Caroline said I cant do that. Its just easier if we can get it done quick. Head counts are locked in, and we’re ready to rock!!! So, if for some reason, you cant go, let me know ASAP!!!
Part the Second: I… don’t remember how many Mugs are left. 3 or 4 I think? Anyway, the Shag/Squid Ohana mugs, there’s “count on one hand” number of mugs left, and you need one!!! So if you haven’t scored that mug yet, time is running out!! Go here to get mugged!!! http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/ohana_mug.php
Number C: Cocktail Contest!!!! Still plenty of room for entrants!! Maybe more room than there’s supposed to be because I spelled Nifer’s email wrong in the last notice… So, ONE LAST TIME… you mix a drink, you make a SHORT video of it, you get tons of AWESOME free stuff. Yes, you. Yes, everybody. And yes its awesome. Email : nifertiki(at)comcast(dot)net (I think I got that right this time). And for real, EVERYONE who enters gets a super cool prize…..you want in on this, trust me. Send that email and get entered now!!!
IV. ROOOOM CRAAAWLLLL. Calling all hosts!!! And people who want to host.. reach out to Geoff at [email protected] and let him know you’re up for hosting! I freaking love all of you who host the crawl rooms, and you never fail to amaze me. And remember, your room doesn’t need to be some off the wall , tear all the furniture out and have live rugby matches between teacup pigs and Ferrets kind of ordeal. If you’ve got the desire to pay back (or forward) all the fun you’ve had from folks hosting rooms in the past.. that’s all you need. A small table, some drinks, and the awesome attitude everyone brings is all I care about. Its not a contest, its ALOHA. If you wanna help spread it, you’re awesome. Let Geoff know and we’ll print up crawl cards again this year to make it easier to find the rooms!!
Ok, I think that’s all I’ve got. I know they’ve been teasing some of the other Shag stuff we’ve got for you this year over on the facepage, so be sure to go give the social media team some love. Much more to come including MORE free seminars (yup, nothing extra to buy…ever.), cocktails, freebies, and all manner of hoopla.
Enjoy the weekend, stay safe, and we’ll see ya at the Lake.
OHANA: Cocktails, Crawls, and Cincos05/05/2017
Aloha Tiki Freaks and Freakettes!!!
Well, I was going to send a message yesterday referencing Star Wars Day (being the complete dork that I am), but is it just me or has like EVERY retailer on the planet glommed onto May 4th to push their goods? My inbox was full of Star Wars crap for sale…at savings of up to 4% off!!!!
I waited a day so I wouldn’t get lost in all the geeky white noise, to instead get lost in all the Cinco de Mayo savings offers!!!!
So, Happy Cinco De Mayo!!! May the Fifth be with you!
Next up… Room Crawl!!!
Easily my personal favorite part of Ohana, I love seeing what you all do to decorate and mix and basically melt my brain with your creativity every year. For those who are new to Ohana, the room crawl is a round robin, hosted by our attendees who graciously open their doors to all and serve cocktails in between the bands on Friday night. Its all done out of the goodness of their hearts and their Aloha Spirit … and out of their own pockets, so TIP every room you visit!!!
Now, if you’ve crawled in the past, and you feel like this is the year that you pay back the hospitality by hosting, that’s awesome!!! Or if you’ve hosted before, a couple of times, or even every year (even awesomer!), we need to get your info and get you onto the “Official Crawl List”. We don’t need a repeat of the dudes in underwear in the kiddie pool full of cheap beer. So reach out to Revered Thumper at geoffb91(at)icloud(dot)com and let him know you want to do your part to make this Ohana the absolute best yet!! Hosts will be provided with cups and ice, swizzles if you need them, and any/all support we can give ya. Show me what you got!!!!
Ok, onto the housekeeping stuff:
Ohana is SOLD OUT!!!!!
If you missed out, you can get on the waiting list on the website (under the tickets section). We’ve already had a couple cancelations, and the list isnt too deep yet, so don’t delay, sign on today!! You can also get on the Thursday wait-list there. Just let me know you’re looking for Thursday only, or both, in the notes section. That list is a little deeper, but there’s still a chance we can get you in if you missed out.
The Mugs are nearly gone as well. There’s a dozen of them still up for grabs and that’s it. Never to be made again, each comes with a COA signed by both Shag and Squid, and is guaranteed to bring you years of health, wealth, and happiness! Ok, maybe not all that, but it’s a kick-ass mug and they’re gonna be all gone soon, so again, do not delay your purchase.
That’s all I’ve got for today, and now I’m gonna try to sneak out and catch the matinee of Guardians Of The Galaxy 2. Have a great weekend everyone, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!!
ps. Like a firey phoenix rising from the ashes of a kiddie pool, or Beezelbub himself ascending from the depths of hell itself, I hear a certain biker bar is returning for the crawl this year. Consider yourself warned.
OHANA: Just some more crazy from my head...and a mug04/14/2017
This is the one you’ve been waiting for. The big mug reveal…
And DONT just scroll down to look at it without reading my nonsense! There’s some important stuff in here… Ok, maybe not, but there’s stuff in here!! So you should read it!
#1) Kickoff Party is SOLD OUT. If you missed out, shoot me an email and I’ll get you on the wait-list
#2) OHANA is nearly sold out. Seriously, do NOT put off buying those tickets!
#3) SILENT AUCTION!!! I’ll go into more detail on this later, but the Silent Auction is how we make the bulk of our donation every year. We keep the cost of the event low, because we love you and we’re cool like that, but we can only do that because of the AMAZING stuff we have for the silent auction every year. So be sure to bid on something!! And even more importantly, DONATE something!!! If you’ve got doubles of a cool tiki mug, or a print you never got around to framing, or a cool purse made out of a Six Million Dollar Man lunchbox that you don’t use anymore, we want it!!! And get this, it’s a tax write off!!! Yup, anything you donate you can write off on next year’s taxes. We’ll give ya a form and everything. Win Win!!! Reach out to Xtine at [email protected] to let her know you’ve got something to donate and she’ll get you all squared away. (or use our handy dandy Contact Us form on the web page! www.LuauAtTheLake.com )
#4) The MUG…
I talked a LOT about the mug in the last email, so I guess there’s no need for much more hype. Shag and Squid have outdone themselves. From the design to the sculpt to the glaze, capturing that old Treasure Craft feel (without the use of lead-based paints!!! A difficult task that Squid absolutely nailed!) the pictures don’t even come close to doing it justice (and just look at it! The pics are awesomesauce!!)
So, yeah. Only 139 of them (me and my prime numbers, I know, I know), only available to Ohana attendees, only $80.
Shag and Squid together again, for a limited run of under 150…. Damn we should be so be charging more for these!! Lol. I keed, I keed. See point #4 above. We want to make sure everyone who wants one can afford one. .
They will go on sale THIS Wednesday. April 19th… at 11.53AM. You’ll need the email you used to buy your Ohana tickets, and we’ll match your mug order up to your badges and get you everything when you check-in up in Lake George.
We can not ship them. Pick up only, attendees only, and it WILL sell out (they sell out every year) so you probably want to be on the website at 11.53am this Wednesday… just saying.
Much more to come in the next email including Room Crawls and seminars and all manner of ways we’re going coocoobananas for ya this year.
Keep being awesome, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
PS. I know those embedded links to the pics don’t work above, I’m just messing with ya. I don’t even think what I typed is real computer code! So congrats to you who scrolled all the way down, I present to you, the 2017 Ohana Shag/Squid mug, based off the giant mask on the A-Frame who watches over us every Ohana….
OHANA: Mugs and drinks and stuff04/03/2017
Aloha Kats and Kittens!!!!
Its been a little bit, so I figure its time for me to clutter your inbox with a bunch of nonsense once again. Hey, I’m self aware enough to know I’m best in small doses.
This dose… not so small. Strap in, its gonna get bumpy.
Housekeeping Notes: Kick-off is sold out. Or it should be. If the link is still on, you can maybe squeak in with a ticket, but its being shut down today, so last call for Thursday!!!
Regular weekend Ohana tickets…almost sold out. About a dozen left. So again, don’t delay, buy today!!! www.LuauAtTheLake.com and click on the TICKETS link.
Now, onto the new stuff…
Today, lets talk tiki mugs and cocktails!!
First, the official Ohana Mug.
Holy amazeballs, this mug… I do NOT have a pic to share with you yet (hopefully by the end of the week…I’ve only got shots of some partially-fired unglazed samples. Don’t want to share until you can see final product). But yeah, I think you’re gonna freak.
A few notes about it:
In case you hadn’t noticed from the website art and postcards or the facespace, our pal SHAG has donated a bunch of his time to designing art for us this year. He’s donated prints and swag in the past, and this year he took it to the next level, and we’re loving everything he’s come up with and appreciate all the time and effort involved!! (So go show him some love at shag.com)
No, he will not be at the event L He was supposed to be there, but the last minute date change due to the conflict with the firefighter convention put the kibosh on that. I know. It sucks. We’ll work him for next year though!
On the plus side, the fact that he now can’t make it has guilted him in to doing all sorts of other amazing things for us!!! One of which was designing this year’s Ohana mug… which we then passed off to SQUID for sculpting and creating. I think its been like 10 or 15 years since Squid and Shag have worked together on a mug, and I have no idea why, cause the stuff they make together is off the damn chain!!! So we got em back together again for you!!! And the results… you’ll have to take my word until I have glamour shots of a glazed sample, but the results… sweet Aunt Petunia, is this one something. (go give Squid some love! He always hooks us up SquidArt.com Dig the new cat toys there too!!!)
Why is this mug so special? Ok, first off, every Ohana mug up until this point has been a 3-mold build. This one… this one takes FIVE molds to make. And not only that, about half-way through the firing, when they’re about the consistency of shoe-leather, they need to be removed, cut and smoothed out, and then continue to be fired. This one takes some extra elbow grease, but the end result is so worth it. Pics soon, I promise. Promise promise promise.
Oh, and yes, once again, the mugs will ONLY be available to Ohana attendees (prepare to be the envy of mug collectors everywhere!!!) and they are only available for pickup at the event. No shipping, sorry. Now, because of the additional molds and extra work involved, the price point is going up a bit, but I promise its not a cash grab just because of the names involved in making this one. You know we try to keep everything as cheap as possible, and this fella here is no exception. The cost went up, so the price has to go up. Its that simple.
I figure we’ll have around 140 for sale, and expect the final price to fall in the $70 to $80 range. Available for pre-sale in a few weeks, so start saving your pennies!!! And yes, one more time, pics soon!!
And once you’ve got this awesome mug, what are you going to put in it? Are you the type who can create a unique delicious cocktail to fill this killer mug? If yes, then come on over to my place and start mixing!!! I’m thirsty and I’m looking for a full time bartender…. There is no pay though, just the satisfaction of a job well done!!!
Not interested huh? Well, what if there was fortune and glory involved? Now I’ve got your attention…
Ok, I think that’s enough of my yapping today. As always, much more to come really soon. Much to do and little time. Keep on grooving, and we’ll see ya at the Lake.
OHANA: music and mayhem02/24/2017
Ok, first, sorry about that last email. I guess my brain HAD already checked out, as I wound up sending it from my work adrs. HA!! Don’t worry, doing Ohana stuff at my day job… I still got paid. Sticking it to the man!! Huh? I AM the man? Dammit! Stuck again!!!
Alright, down to business. It’s a gorgeous day outside, and I’m gonna go out and play in the mud, so lets get this Ohana stuff checked off the to-do list! This is a long one… apologies in advance.
Tickets!!! You love ‘em, you want ‘em, you buy ‘em. As usual, they’re going at a pretty steady click. Sold out over half on just the first day of sales (Y’All are crazy!), and now we’re coming into the home stretch. (Kick-off is nearly sold out as well. Like 20 of those left, so don’t dilly-dally… or dawdle… or lackidaze. Buy them direct, buy them collect, but buy them todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!) Hit up the website: www.LuauAtTheLake.com and click on TICKETS to buy your tickets…. Tickets!!!!!
For real though, I can’t stress this enough, if you’re planning on joining us buy those tickets soon. You don’t want to be the guy/gal emailing me the week before the event telling me “Well, I’ve got a room at the Tiki, but I never bought a ticket, and now it says they’re sold out.” That guy sucks. Don’t be that guy. (If you’ve been that guy/gal in the past, you don’t suck, and hopefully we got you all squared away in time for the event. I was just trying to make a point about procrastination. You don’t suck. No one sucks. There is no sucking at Ohana)
Now, onto a happier note: MUSIC!!! (See what I did there? Note…music… It lessens it when I point it out doesn’t it? Ok, I’ll stop)
Great Googly Moogly do we have some amazing music lined up for ya this year. Would you like to know more?
Good! Then let me learn ya about the Ohana 2017 bands:
9th Wave. Yup. The “house band” is back again. These folks are more than just a musical act; They are an attitude, a feeling, a life-style choice, a cool breeze on your neck on a hot day, a warm taco right when your belly is about to rebel from too much booze and lack of food, that time Cindy Johanson accidentally rubbed her butt against your crotch getting on the bus in 7th grade… they are all these things and more. They ARE Ohana. And they play some kick-ass music to boot!! Always excited to have them back, and always amazed at how much extra they do; if you’ve been to Ohana, you know. If not, you’ll know soon. Be sure to give them a Mahalo!
WAITIKI Band leader Randy Wong leaves the Hawaiian islands only for a couple of reasons. Can you blame him? Living in paradise, why would anyone want to leave? So, what gets him on a cross-country flight to drop those exotica bombs with the open E-string? OHANA, baby!!!! These cats ARE modern exotica, plain and simple. Masters of the craft, keepers of the torch, drinkers of the rum. Old classics and new favorites by a group that has exotica running in their veins, its always something different, and always something awesome. And this year is gonna blow the doors off. Can. Not. Wait.
The Surfrajettes 4-piece Canadian combo coming to carnally crush ear canals with classic compositions and clangor. The girls in the ‘Jettes can buh-ring it! Surf and psychedelic rock ripped out by four of the grooviest gals to ever drop a beat, they’re sure to wow you with a killer set list and look damn good doing it. You may have caught a glimpse of it last year during the late night parking lot guerrilla set, but that was nothing compared to the full line-up. Be sure to get off your seat and move your feet to the beat ‘cause these ladies can kick your ass in more ways than one (mostly the musical ways, but I hear the go-go boots are steel-toed…).
The Coconut Monkeys Our old pal Carl Hungus… errrr… I mean Carl Ayotte, aka the Granite Tiki, fronts this Hapa band absolutely guaranteed to put a smile on your face. All the favorite tropical songs you know by heart (and sing-a-long is encouraged, so go ahead and PROVE you know the words!) to get you in the Ohana mood. Traditional Hawaiian, Hapa, and a bunch of plain old FUN, we’re super psyched to have the Cocomonks (I call em that for short. They hate it) strumming ukes and bringing out the Aloha. Cocktails encouraged, aloha required…check your baggage at the door and let them transport you to paradise!
Bamboo Saxotica Yeah, you read that right. The retired Big Band is coming out of retirement for ONE GIG ONLY this year, and guess where its at? The Howard Johnson’s up the road from the Tiki!!
That didn’t fool anyone did it? Hey they can’t all be zingers. I’m tired.
Anyway, yeah, Bamboo Saxotica. I’ve been working these guys for years to come back to Ohana. Their last performance there was absolutely mind-bending, and I don’t think they’ve played together since! Its tough to top perfection, but that’s what I’ve asked of them, and they have answered the call. The Big Band (yes… BIG… there’s like a dozen musicians in this group!) sound is hitting the ground back at Ohana, and if you’re lucky enough to be there, its gonna be something to remember.
If you’re not going to be there, well, you can change that by buying your tickets at www.LuauAtTheLake.com (Segue!!!!)
All of these amazing acts (plus a butt-ton of other stuff) is ALL INCLUDED in your ticket. Plus dinner on Saturday night where the Pearls of Paradise Polynesian show will take you on a tour of the islands and introduce you to the songs and dances of the Pacific… plus that one dude does the Fire-Knife dance!!! And there’s a roast pig Luau… and freebies and the glavin!!
More to come soon about…everything. Room crawls, vendors, sponsors, cosmonauts, special mugs, and how you can have energy all day by using this one weird trick!
Go enjoy the freakishly warm weather, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
Hint: The energy trick? Its sleep. The trick is to get plenty of sleep. I’m gonna have to try that someday.
OHANA: You gotta kick it to start02/17/2017
Just a quick update before I mentally check-out for the weekend.
Ok, the original plan for the kick-off party had to be bumped until a future year (hey it happens. A LOT of my kick-off ideas get scrapped. Who knew that Whispers doesn’t have enough load-bearing beams to support a dozen soft-sided 10-person hot tubs?) but we’ve got something even BETTER planned for this year!!!
This year I’m thrilled to announce that we have Lara Hope and The Ark-Tones helping us to rock the Hillbilly Hootenanny Hoedown Kick-Off Party!!!
If you don’t know them, do yourself a favor and do a youtube search and listen. If you do know them, then you know why I’m so excited.
As usual, costumery is suggested, but not required. And we’ll have prizes for best costume(s). So whip out those Daisy Dukes, fire up the ol’ pick-up truck, grab the overalls without so many grease and BBQ stains on them, and ask PeePaw to borrow the family tooth, ‘cause we’re gonna rock the house Hillbilly style!
Food is included (and we’re stepping up the offerings a bit this year), but the booze is on you. We’ll have beer and Ohana cocktails flowing and maybe a special surprise or two.
There are only about 25 Kick-Off tickets left, so don’t delay, buy today!!!
And of course, you can buy your Ohana tickets for the entire weekend as well.
Point your web-o-tron to www.LuauAtTheLake.com and follow the links to TICKETS.
Much more to come, including the full band line-up, a VERY special mug, some new stuff (and some old favorites), and how I ruined Christmas this past year (hint: Alcohol may have been a factor).
Keep that Aloha flowing, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
Aloha Kats and Kittens!!!!
Well, I had this grand plan for an email today full of information(and a review of Rogue One), ready to wow you and get you pumped for Ohana… and then waaaay too many cocktails and a Superbowl that went into overtime conspired against me.
So, I’m gonna make this one quick (I mean it. For real!!! I can hear your eye-rolling from here, but I promise this’ll be short).
Tickets for OHANA: Luau At The Lake 2017 (Held June 22-25 at the Tiki resort in Lake George, NY) will go on sale in TWO DAYS!!!! On Wednesday, Feb 8th, at 11.48AM EST (Just to screw with the web guy. Hi Paige!!!)
On Wed morning, go hit up www.LuauAtTheLake.com and look for the link that says TICKETS If it doesn’t work, just hit REFRESH. We’re flipping the switch at 11.48, but it may take a few minutes for the intarweb to catch up to us.
A few things to note… Tickets for this year will be $100 and that gets you EVERYTHING from Friday thru Sunday. All the bands, seminars, vending, freebies, room crawl, and even dinner on Saturday night (yup, we feed ya too!!!) A better deal you will not find!!!
If you can make it out a day early (or even sooner, and I highly suggest that you do. The Lake George area is full of jaw dropping vistas and nature, and at the same time, it’s a kitschy wonderland trapped in time. Its worth spending some extra time in the area) we will be having our usual Kick-Off party on Thursday night. This is the ONLY extra ticket you’ll need to buy, and we keep it separate because we know not everyone can get up to the Lake on Thursday.
It also sells out (as does the entire Ohana weekend) every year, so if you’re on the fence, buy them just to be safe.
We’re still putting the finishing touches on kick-off, so I can’t tell you what the theme is just yet, but those tickets will be available on the 8th at 11.48AM as well. Trust me when I say it’s a great theme, and something we haven’t done yet.
Oh, also, the price of the kickoff tickets are $30… yes, we raised them slightly to be able to improve the food selection on Thursday night. I know a lot of you asked for this, and we’re always listening and (hopefully) improving.
This is YOUR event as much as it mine, or the FOMs, or anyones. YOU make it what it is (Awesome, that’s what it is). But you ain’t making jack without those tickets, so be sure to buy early and buy often on Wed morning.
MUCH much more to come when I’m hydrated and rested.
Mahalo, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!!!
OHANA:Lake-dates and rooms and the glavin07/14/2016
I’ve gotta say, I feel like a schlub after the awesome email Ohana:Luau By The Sea sent out yesterday. Nice photos and art and cool typefaces, and here I am writing in Notepad then cutting and pasting my nonsense to send to you. So I’m gonna step it up a notch… with a typeface change!!!
BOOM!! How ya like me now?
And since I just mentioned them, if you can’t wait until next year for Ohana, you don’t have to!!!! Ohana: Sea is coming up fast down in gorgeous Ft Lauderdale (Sept 29-Oct 2nd).
All the Ohana shenanigans you love, PLUS the Mai Kai. That’s just so full of win, I’m almost at a loss for words. Check the details at www.LuauByTheSea.com
And if you can’t wait THAT long, the Hot Rod Hula Hop is just a few weeks away!! http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/events/hotrodhulahop/
In fact, we’ve got so much stuff going on, I’m sure there’s SOMETHING near you. Check out all the events the FOM throws (all for charity!!) at the newly redesigned awesomesauce website: http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/events.html
Ok, ok, enough plugging, I know.
So, today’s big news is two fold:
1) We are back to our usual weekend for next year (we thought the firefighters were moving us, they decided not to), so Ohana 2017 is June 22-25. Mark it in your calendar or i-mabob (if you can put down the pokemon long enough)
2) Rooms will be available to book at the Tiki Resort starting at NOON TODAY!!!! Give them a call (at noon EST) at (518) 668-5744 and get booked where the action is.
We’re already hard at work for next year, and have some BIG announcements to make really soon, so go make those room reservations (at 12-noon today).
Keep being awesome, and we’ll see ya at the Lake
OHANA: On the Road to Lake George06/21/2016
Aloha Kats and Kittens!!!
Home stretch time!! And I’m not sure how much time I have before I short-out and fall into the OdinSleep and Rinaldo takes over, so I’ll make this quick. I’ll be pretty much unreachable until Thursday, so if you need something, just find me in Lake George and lay it on me then.
Now, on to the sweet sweet Ohana goodness and the couple of simple rules we have:
1) Silent Auction!!! You can register onsite, but life will be quicker/easier if you take care of this before you go. Remember, the auction and merchandise is how we raise money for the donation. Our ticket charge barely covers cost (seriously… two seminars, five bands, two djs, a Polynesian show AND a dinner…for under a hundred bucks?!?!! We’re cool like that.) so go and bid on something. You’ll be taking something groovy home AND you’ll be helping the kids. Win-Win
2) And speaking of helping the kids… drink for the kids!!! Lots!! Yes, this year, just like last year, a buck from every drink you throw down gets kicked back to the donation. With every cocktail you have, you’ll be helping the cause. So try them all… a couple times. It’s for the kids.
3) While we’re on booze, a quick reminder… outside liquor is NOT allowed in the paradise lounge or the upper-patio of the pool area. These areas are covered by the Tiki’s liquor license, so no crawl drinks, room drinks, etc can go in those places. Oh, or Whispers on Thursday night for the kickoff (or the seminar on Friday). Seriously. No outside booze/beer in those few areas. Other than that, go mental….er.
4) Wear your badge at ALL times! We have crashers every year (I know, what kind of a douche would crash a charity event? Usually just local kids, but you’d be surprised) and security WILL escort you out if you don’t have that badge on. Always wear it, and avoid the hassle. Along those lines, if you get in a day early, but don’t have a ticket for Thursday… again, please don’t crash. It’s a super-douche move. Like leaving the empty cans of the beer you smuggled in all over Whispers so the owners can bitch at me about it. No crashing. No outside booze in those three areas. It’s not much to ask. We’re pretty easy going… just don’t be an asshole.
5) Don’t be an asshole. You folks know your limits. We’re all adults, and we have a great time. If you’ve over-imbibed, go lay down. Don’t let your trip ruin anyone else’s good time. Be a sophisticated savage and never devolve completely. ‘Nuff said.
6) Ok, back to the fun stuff… Play Minigolf!!! Go hit ANY of the local minigolf courses (there are a TON of them) and turn in your score card by 4pm on Saturday at the Merchandise booth. Be honest with the scoring, we trust ya. And yes, there will be prizes for the greatest duffer on the mini-links.
7) Spread the Aloha. For reals, you guys and gals are awesome. You’re the reason Ohana is so cool and we’ve had so few issues over the years. Just keeping being amazing and spreading that Aloha. Say hi to someone you’ve seen at past Ohanas, but never spoke with. Welcome a first timer and show ‘em the ropes. For this one short weekend, we’re all family… without all the dysfunction… or at the very least, we put the FUN in dysfunction. Make a new friend and keep being awesome.
Much to do, and little time. See ya in a few days… at the Lake!
PS. I almost forgot. El Dorado is sponsoring Rum Flights of their 12 year, 15 year, and 21 year old Rums. Those will be out under the big tent on Friday afternoon (2pm I think?). A $10 donation gets you a nice slug of each of them, and they will go fast!!! And yes, you read that right, 3 ounces of super premium high end rum for a ten-spot (that helps the kids!!!). So, get checked in early and get in on that sweet El Dorado action!!
Aloha Boys and Girls!!!
Its your old pal Uncle Bargoyle, back again with tales of wonder and whimsy to titillate and temp you!
Today is all about pool parties and getting your learn on…
Quick Sidebar: My father used to take me out to lunch, a lot. From childhood through college, up through his retirement that was our thing. My old man was a cool cat, and he was usually footing the bill, so lunches were always awesome. And sometimes they were educational as well.
Usually he had seen something on TV, or heard about some invention or historical fact, and then researched it and studied it, become a near “expert” at it, and he would then impart this knowledge to me… over a two hour lunch. Those lunches are a big part of why I can seem smart sometimes. A lot of the stuff he taught me is still filed away in my swiss-cheese brain, and occasionally something that would pass for smart comes out.
I jokingly referred to these times as “Lunch and Learn with Dad!”. And while I’m saddened that I won’t get to have anymore of them, in his memory and honor, I’m going to try to bring the experience to you this year…Ohana-style.
Yes, this year Ohana is having seminars!! Two of them in fact. And best of all, they’re INCLUDED in your ticket price. Nothing extra to buy.
On Friday afternoon, during Happy Hour, we’re having Lush and Learn with Tikihut Honeycutt as he takes you on a tour of Exotica Music! Lots of tunes, games, and a killer AV presentation will keep you bouncing to the beat while you throw down some expertly crafted cocktails. It starts at 3.30pm on Friday afternoon, so if you’re at the Tiki early, you’ll want to be there. Get your learn on, get your drink on, get your groove on.
Our second seminar is Saturday Morning and will be Brunch and Learn with Dr. Charlie Love. Yes, his name is really Dr. Love, but if you ask what to call him he says “Charlie”. Guess he isn’t a Kiss fan? But what he IS, is one of the world’s foremost experts on Easter Island (Rapa Nui). Historian and Archeologist extraordinaire, Doc Love has dedicated his life to the exploration and study of Rapa Nui. Want to learn more about the Moai? How they were carved, moved, and erected? The birdman cult? Rongorongo and all things hieroglyph? Dr Love is your man. And this isn’t just some dry stuffy seminar. Pictures, slides and AV wonders will put you there as you learn about one of the most remote and secret places on earth. And because its on the early side on Saturday (11am) after a night of room crawling, we’ll have complimentary coffee and doughnuts. (ok, fine its not exactly “brunch”, but it fit the theme). Oh, and don’t just come in and grab a cup o’joe and bolt. Stay and get some knowledge all about Easter Island, and see where the money you help raise goes. It’ll be time well spent, I promise.
Now, once you’re done stuffing your face with breakfast sundries and coffee, and you’ve filled your head with new knowledge of Island Culture, its time to head to the pool and relax. You’ve done something positive and good with your day already, so reward yourself with drinks and music by the pool. Check out the master mixologists competing in the Deadhead Rum cocktail contest, then settle in for a day chock full of awesome.
Kicking everything off will be DJ Swankenstein, spinning the Yacht Rock soundtrack you never knew you loved. Loggins and Messina, Boz Scaggs, Toto, Christopher Cross… all your old sailing buddies are going to be there as Swankenstein lays down smooth grooves to take you to familiar but uncharted waters. Ship ahoy!!
And as the Rock of Yacht fades, DJ Brother Cleve will take over the turntables and get Mod-A-Go-Go with his 60s soundtrack pool party. There may even be a special surprise at the bar during Brother Cleve’s set, so save that seat while you move your feet to the swingingest pool party you’re going to attend this year!
Seriously, Ohana Saturday is gonna be off the chain. I didn’t even get to all the bands, auctions, mystery drinks, luau dinner and Polynesian show!!! Remember to Pace Don’t Race, as Saturday is a marathon.
Much more to come really soon, and much much much more to do behind the scenes in the next few weeks.
Keep being awesome, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
ps. Rinaldo, the voice in my head, said to remind everyone to TIP when they room crawl, even though I didn’t even talk about the room crawl in this email. I’ve learned to just do what he says and not argue. You should too.
OHANA: Contests and Cocktails and Bears...oh my05/09/2016
I am shot out of a cannon today!!! Did you know that Coca-Cola has sugar AND caffeine!? Its like the old FourLoko, but without the blackout!
OK, first up.. I guess I made a mess of ‘splainin the cocktail contest last email, so now that I’m hyperfocused on a caffeine buzz, lets try again:
The often imitated, never duplicated, x-rated, masturba…ummm… The Ohana Cocktail Contest. Yeah, that’s happening. Deadhead Rum is sponsoring it and they want YOU to whip out those mixology skills and win awesome prizes!!
Yeah, you… Yeah PRIZES!!!
EVERYONE who enters will get a sweet T-Shirt designed by artist Mark Sheard! Free. Just for entering. Score!!!
The Top Ten finalists will receive a Deadhead Rum Limited Edition Cocktail Set by the late, great, The Pizz! Double Score!!!
And the winner gets the stuff above plus bragging rights, a killer trophy, SIX Deadhead Rum Tiki Mugs, and a CASE of Deadhead Rum!!!! Super Score!!!
Sorry if the rules got scary in the last email, but I assure you, it’s the same old wacky cocktail contest, just set to cheesy 70s/80s soft rock (yacht rock).
So get to mixing and let Nifer know that you want in on the free stuff!!! Send her an email at [email protected] to get all the details.
Ok, on to new business!
Possibly my favorite part of the weekend, because I never know what you maniacs are going to do and I’m always blown away by your creativity and generosity. The room crawl epitomizes the Aloha Spirit we try to spread throughout the weekend, and if you’d like to host again, or for the first time, just let us know.
Email Geoff at [email protected] to let him know, and we’ll make sure you get ice, cups, swizzles, etc and get you all set for Friday night.
If this is your first time visiting us, the Room Crawl is a Round Robin of sorts, where guests decorate their rooms or patios, and serve drinks to our attendees. All because they are straight up awesome, and want to help spread the Aloha. They do this out of the kindness of their hearts, and out of their own pockets, so TIP them. Seriously. These folks are spending time and cash making sure you have a great time and a great drink, so throw them a couple bucks (at the very least).
If you’ve crawled in the past, and have decided now you want to host… super double plus awesome!!! We’ll help you in any way we can… and if you’re on the fence, boy do I have an opportunity for you!!
DeadHead Rum, because they are amazing and want to just keep doing more and more for the event, want to help one lucky person host a room!!!
They won’t have the HeadMobile at Ohana this year, and were bummed that they couldn’t be part of the crawl… so they’ve decided to enlist help. Your help!
They’re going to pick one lucky host, and they will supply the cocktail ingredients, supplies, and super-cool giveaways to give…away! All you need is a room and an idea… and they’ll help you run with it!
Holy incrediballs!!! (right?) How do I enter?
Glad you asked Rinaldo, the voice who lives in my head… its easy peasy lemon squeezy…
Just make an invitation that incorporates your cool theme idea (and mentions DeadHead…they ARE footing the bill) and post it to DeadHead Rum on Facebook or Twitter with the hashtag #DeadheadRumRoomCrawl Use Photoshop, MS Paint, Glue sticks and glitter and an old Polaroid… whatever you want to make your room’s “invitation”, and then post that thang! I’m not 100% sure of the timeline here, so lets pick an arbitrary date… get your submissions in by Tuesday, May 10th or be forever cursed to wander the barren lands
Anyway, yeah, the more LIKES you can muster, the better your chances… and of the top “liked” entries DeadHead will pick a winner.
Boom!! Internet famous AND a rocking room at the Tiki. Badass!!!!
Now, if you DON’T win, and still want to host using the cool theme you came up with, please don’t let the not winning discourage you. If you need help, we’ll find it for ya. The more hosts, the merrier.. Also the slower we move on Saturday, but it’s a small price to pay for that much awesome crammed into one night.
Standard Housekeeping Disclosure: As usual, everything is close to sold out, so for really reals, do NOT put off buying your tickets and/or mugs any longer. Its much more fun to be there than to live vicariously through social media posts.
Keep spreading the Aloha, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
ps. MUCH more to come really soon, including a couple of seminars you wont want to miss (yes, Seminars!), the silent auction (we’re still taking donations if you want a tax write off and have something cool to auction off!), and two amazing/famous DJs that should have you rushing to Lake George.
OHANA: Its not a tumah!!!05/09/2016
Well, it finally stopped raining up here in the Northeast (just when I was about to finish the ark), and thoughts are turning to sunny days around the pool at the Tiki Resort in June… at least my thoughts are, but then again I’m kinda weird.
But, before we get into around-the-pool shenanigans, let me announce LAST CALL to enter the DeadHead Roomcrawl Contest.
In case you missed it last email, DeadHead Rum wants to foot the bill for one lucky Roomcrawl Host’s room!!!!
You supply the room, they supply the …supplies; The cocktail ingredients, hootch, and even some super-cool giveaways!!! (You both get to share the glory)
Host an awesome room with none of the expense (or stale aftertaste)? Where do I sign up?!?
Actually there’s no sign-up necessary and entering is easy peasy rice and cheesy:
Just make up a mock Invitation to your proposed crawl room (be sure to mention DeadHead! They’re gonna pick up the check, so you’d best incorporate them!!) and post it to DeadHead Rum’s facebook page.
You can make your invitation out of anything you want: Do it digitally…or make it out of dry macaroni elbows…or find some left-over snow, drink a ton of beer, and write it out that way…in the snow… seriously, whatever you want! Then get an image posted to the facepage!
Just DO IT NOW!!!….DOOO IT!!!!! GET TO THE CHOPPAH!!! (Sorry, I can’t hear the phrase “do it now” without Arnold popping into my head) Ok, you’ve actually got until this Friday the Thirteenth (!!!) to get your entries in (my made-up deadline from the last email was wrong…and completely made up. Sorry about that folks. I’ll never lie to you again, I swear it.)
Oh, I also I wanted to mention that we’ve had a couple of cancellations, so if you don’t have a room at the Tiki, be sure to get on their waiting list! A few folks have already gotten in due to the poor souls who had to cancel.
And yes, there are still a handful of tickets left, and a smaller handful of mugs, so consider this the penultimate last call for those. Go!! Buy!!! Now!! DOOOO IT!!!! DO IT NOOOOW!!!!
I promise to get to the DJs, Seminars, and all the super secret surprise stuff in the next email. Pinky swear. Cross my heart. For really reals… no foolin’
Keep on keeping on, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Deadhead Rum Cocktail Contest!!04/14/2016
Grab your docksiders and khaki shorts, pop that collar, and let loose the bow line, ‘cause Ohana is going all “sophisticated savage” for this years cocktail contest!
That’s right, Kim and the gang from Deadhead Rum are back, and they want to take you on a sea cruise!!! (ooo-weee baby!)
Ok, no. Not really. I fear the open ocean and get seasick. No sea cruise.
But I don’t get dock sick. And the dock rocks!
Dock parties are a blast! Yacht Rock blaring out of every boat, and each boat making a different cocktail… folks weaving and stumbling along the dock round robin/room crawl* style…
And that’s the focus of this year’s cocktail contest: Yacht Rock Drinks for Boats (or Docks.)
EVERYONE who enters will get a sweet T-Shirt designed by artist Mark Sheard!
The Top Ten finalists will receive a Deadhead Rum Limited Edition Cocktail Set by The Pizz
The Top Five finalists will get to mix live in front of a panel of esteemed judges at Ohana: Luau At The Lake
And the winner gets all the great stuff above plus SIX Deadhead Rum Tiki Mugs and a CASE of Deadhead Rum!!!! And bragging rights, of course.
So, what do you have to do to enter?
I’m glad you asked!
Simply create an original Yacht Rock themed drink using Deadhead Rum (Yes, you need to incorporate a Yacht Rock song), film a short (no more than 5 minutes) video building the drink (get as wacky as you want, but be sure we can follow the ingredients there, Felini Jr.) and submit it, along with a nice glamour shot photo of the drink. Bam! Fame & Fortune!
Its just that easy!
Entries must be received by May 23, 2016 (so get crack-a-lackin!)
If you want to compete, just email the always lovely, always talented Nifertiki right now to let her know!! You can get her at: [email protected]
For the fine print and rules see below and of course Nifer will give you all the details when you contact her.
Good luck, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!! And on the dock!
(Oh yeah, I almost forgot the usual hard sell… Mugs: Almost Gone, Ohana Tickets: Almost Gone, Kickoff Party: Gone. So if you’re going to join us (and you should!!), time to pull the trigger. Just saying.)
Deadhead Rum Yacht Rock Rules and Criteria:
-Drink must feature Deadhead Rum and no more than five (5) ingredients; of which at least two will be fruit juice
-Drink must be an original creation
-Drink should incorporate a Yacht Rock Song in title or theme
-Recipes shall be expressed in ounces, drops, and dashes and scaled for a single serving
-All ingredients utilized should be expected to be easily acquired/made
*-I mentioned Room Crawls up there and yes, we’re gonna do that again for 2016! Next email will get into more details, but if you already love it, know it, and really really wanna show it, hit up Rev Thumper at [email protected] to let him know you want to host a room!
OHANA: Lodging, Bands, and a cold pill buzz03/28/2016
Ok, kind of a quick one today because I have a terrible head cold. Seriously, I feel like a bag of smashed @ssh*les, and being high as a kite on cold pills (the good stuff from behind the counter!!) isn’t making the brain thinks much more on the easy time.
So, first up… LAST CALL for kick off tickets. There are “count on one hand” tickets left for the kickoff, featuring the rocking sounds of the Evil Streaks (see below), so its time to pull the trigger or get left out. None of that “Oh, well, if we get up there early, we see if we can just get in” stuff. Sold out = sold out. And do you really wanna be the guy who crashes a charity event? That guy’s a douche. Don’t be that guy.
As far as Ohana proper, tickets are selling like <insert breakfast food simile here>. We’ve got a couple handfuls of those left, but for really reals, we’re getting close to sold out there as well, so again, now is your time to strike!!! Like a coiled snake… or a ninja!!! Or a time-released ephedrine tablet!!
And mugs (have you seen squids mug for this year? Awesomesauce!!!)… we’ve got 10, I think? Might be less. So…just in case you aren’t seeing the pattern yet… go buy them now…or soonish!
The event WILL sell out, so if you’re on the fence, we’d love to have ya.. but you gotta getta move on!!!. www.LuauAtTheLake.com
Yes, the Tiki is still sold out, but if you want to be RIGHT next to the action, there’s a campground next to the Tiki. Rough it in style in the Not-So-Quiet Village!! I know we have a lot of folks who help make the Tiki Tent City next door something super cool, and if you want to be grouped together with other Ohana-ites, reach out to Niffertiki, who is spear-heading that . [email protected] Remember, the more of the campground that we take over, the less we have to deal with complaints from the poor poor souls who had no idea of the shenanigans they were walking/camping into.
BANDS!!! Bands bands bands!!! And also, bands.
You don’t come to Ohana just to see my dashingly handsome face and physique… there are actually LOTS of reasons to come to Ohana, and one of them is certainly the live entertainment!!
Here’s what we’ve got in store for you this year (lovingly cut and pasted from the website)
Nearly 13 years after their first encounter with a true suffering bastard—and the better part of a decade recovering from the dastardly actions of their archenemy Lex Bastard (no relation)—the boys of Waitiki swim like fish back to Lake George to perform true exotica in 3-D. Also, Martin Denny’s realtor says hi!
The House Band of Ohana!! 9th Wave has been performing since 1995, from the northeast (NYC, Boston) as far south as Savannah GA. Regulars at nearly every Sleazefest & Instro Summit (music festivals in NC), and Ohana Luau at the Lake (upstate NY), 9th Wave, from Storrs CT, plays an diverse combination of surf, exotica & hot rod music at regional music and tiki festivals, hot rod/motorcycle/custom car shows, cultural institutions, clubs, and more. With their unique and signature style, 9th Wave has recorded six full-length CDs of original music, and is working on the 7th CD, “Surfing with Poseidon” (which should be ready at The Lake!) The 9th Wave sound is made up of Mike “Staccato” Rosado on lead surf guitar, Negative Ed on bass, Phred Rawles on drums, and Sandy Rosado on Farfisa organ, rhythm guitar, flute, and saxophone. We will be joined at Ohana by the Go-Go Natives, beautiful and talented hooping / go-go dancers, including Vanna Vroom and Sarah Sizzle! 9th Wave and the Rosados are also champions of East Coast Surf Music, and are the founders and directors of The North East Surf Music Alliance, the largest network of surf bands in the world.
Tsunami of Sound
Tsunami of Sound is a 3 piece huge sounding surf rock band from Boston Ma. rocking Massachusetts and New York for 8 years. The members are David Esposito on guitar and reverb, Jamie Huggins on bass and Rick Sanger on drums. You’ll love their sparkly jackets and real surf sound!
The Séparatwists are four local veterans who have played with various ska and garage bands over the years, including the Kingpins, the Macchabés and the Cryptics. The group formed in winter 2002 with Josh Fuhrman on sax, Bruno Martel on guitar, Éric Boulanger on drums and Jean Masson on bass, and its mission is simple: to make you twist. The four piece also dips into some rock’n‘roll and surf numbers, mixed with some classic spy movie fare and a few originals for good measure. The frenzied saxophone, melodic guitar and bass riffs and steady kick-beat of the drum will surely propel you on to the dance floor. Twist and shout!
The Stone gods demanded a sacrifice, ‘You must send your finest entertainer out into the world to share the happiness you have known.’ The tribe’s leaders convened at the local tiki bar for a battle of the exotica bands. After a three day celebration, one man was voted off the island to be the Ambassador of Goodwill… Roland Remington.
The Evil Streaks
If you dipped, The Cramps, into a pot of The Sonics and added a pinch of sweetness of the Go-Gos, you’d get The Evil Streaks. The Evil Streaks combine the trashy garage/surf sound of the ‘60s with contemporary dark punkabilly. These characters, dressed only in black and white, unleash a unique brand of creepy-yet-rockin’ sound that is sure to leave you begging for more.
All this and more (yes even more!!!) at Ohana 2016. So hit the website and buy those tickets www.LuauAtTheLake.com . You’ll be glad you did!
MUCH more to come in the next email, including cocktail contests, room crawls, and an indepth report on how many Cabury Crème Eggs one can ingest in a single sitting.
Keep being awesome, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Headley Lamarr would like a word...03/10/2016
<Fizzle went the dynamite… Tried to send this last night but it crashed. Apologies if you’re getting it twice>
Boom!!! goes the dynamite
Once again, Headley is for ticket holders only and needs to be picked up at the event. And yes, there are still tickets available. Not many, but some. So come out and join us and buy a mug too!
And if you already have your ticket, and need some of the awesomesauce Squid has whipped up, simply point your intarweb machine to:
and buy yours!!! Be sure to use the SAME EMAIL you used to buy your tickets. And buy quick. They are VERY limited, and they WILL sell out.
Hugs and Kisses (and naughty wishes),
PS. Band line-up, contests, and all sorts of info coming super extra soon. Pinky swear!
OHANA 2016 Tickets!!!02/08/2016
Sorry for my recent absence folks. Between the winter hibernation and some family issues I’ve been kinda busy, but I feel like I’ve been neglecting all of you. Well, the neglect is no more!!!!
How can I make it up to you?
How about we do ticket sales tomorrow? Yeah, Tomorrow…FAT TUESDAY!!!
Lets say… Noon Eastern Standard Time?
The perfect Valentines Gift for your sweetie!!
Same price as last year…Same great time as every year!… same bat-time… same bat-channel!!
If you’ve joined us before, we hope you can make it again. If you haven’t made it yet…well, now is your chance!!!
So, once again, tickets on sale Tomorrow…Tuesday Feb 9th, at 12:00EST
Visit www.LuauAtTheLake.com to buy them. The BUY TICKETS link wont be active until noon, so just hit REFRESH until then. I mean not starting now. That would be crazy (but I wouldn’t put it past some of ya!). I mean tomorrow, if you go to the website, and don’t see the BUY TICKETS link, hit refresh, clear your intarweb cache, etc. It’ll turn on eventually, I promise. ;)
Buy early and buy often. Ohana WILL sell out, so don’t get left out in the cold. MUCH more info to come soon, including mugs, line-up, goodies, and all manner of our usual shenanigans.
Laissez les bons temps rouler! And save me a slice of King Cake, dammit!
See ya at the Lake!
OHANA: South or Bust!09/22/2015
So OHAHA: Luau At The Lake Kick-Off Party…
A couple of you guessed it already from the clues hidden throughout that last email, but I’m still not ready to make it official…
I know that as soon as I do, everything will go off the rails and I’ll be coming back to you and sheepishly explaining that the awesome costume you started working on? Yeah, forget about that, as now we’re gonna do this completely unrelated theme!!!
It happens… a lot.
We’ve already had Soviet Blok Party, Super-Spy Soiree, Playboy Club, The Wild West Hootinanny, and Carnies Gone Wild (circus sideshow) themes for past kick-offs..and they never happened.. but they’re in my mind, and may one day see the light of day.
In fact, the Circus one is on like Diddy Kong at Luau By The Sea (in only two freaking weeks!!!)
And lets go ahead and give “Ohana South” (as I refer to it because its shorter than saying “Luau By The Sea”) a big plug as today is the LAST DAY TO BUY TICKETS!!!!
Yup. You read that right. This is it. Time to poop or get off the bowl. There are a very very VERY limited number of tickets left, and if you can get the time off and get your ass to Florida, you will find it time WELL spent. The Mai Kai, a Luau dinner, bands, auctions, marketplace, drinks, fun, shenanigans, and a kick-ass time… and its for charity!
You have a great time, and less fortunate folks in the South Seas get a leg-up in creating a better life. If that isn’t the coolest form of spreading Aloha, I don’t know what is.
So cash in those airline miles, or drive it (while gas is still super cheap!!), or fill your backpack and hitch-hike your way…. but you need to get to OHANA:Luau By The Sea! www.LuauByTheSea.com Ticket cutoff is 8PM (est) TONIGHT!!! So don’t delay!!
Its going to be on the fleek!!! (Did I do it right that time? I was told I forgot “on” last time. And if someone will please tell me what a “Fleek” is, I’d be eternally grateful. I keep pretending I know and holding it over Chip, but I have no clue)
Next email I’ll finally pull the trigger on the Lake Kick-Off party, I promise. In the meantime, see if you can figure it out from the clues I left in the previous email. A shiney nickel to the first person who emails me with the correct answer!
Also, I’m still waiting on a few “How I spent my summer vacation” essays from some of you… you know who you are. I expect them on my desk by day’s end, or you’ll receive a zero on the assignment, two demerits, and a note to your parents to up your dosage.
See ya by the Sea!!!!
OHANA: Tiki Sold Out?07/27/2015
Sweet Jumpin Jehoshaphat!!
You folks are mental!!
The Tiki Resort is SOLD OUT already for Ohana 2016!!
If you didn’t get a room, have no fear. You can call the Tiki and get on the wait-list (518-668-5744). The higher up on the list you are, the better your chances. Folks DO cancel every year, so go and get on that list ASAP.
And don’t forget that our overflow hotel, The Windsor (a short hop, skip, and jump from the Tiki) is taking reservations as well. You can give them a call at 518-668-0100 and they’ll hook you up!
Also, I know a LOT of folks stay at the campground right next door to the Tiki. If you plan on roughing it next year, Nifertiki is looking to organize camping in the same general area with other Ohana campers. If you’re interested in camping in “tiki row” with other Ohana attendees, send her an email at [email protected]
In the meantime, don’t forget that this year starts OHANA: Luau By The Sea, down in sunny south Florida (in October) in our slow bid for world domination.
Sea has got 9th Wave, Stolen Idols, Skinny Jimmy Stingray, Medusirena (doing a Taiko drumming show!!), amazing cocktails, incredible food, the Mai Kai, and all the usual comradery and shenanigans you’d expect from an Ohana event.
Seriously, the Sea Org is doing a killer job setting up Ohana by the Sea for the next 9999 years. (Scientology joke!)
Limited hotel space is still available, but tickets are going fast. And when the event mug is unveiled this week, I think those tickets are gonna fly off the shelf. Do NOT delay. Get your tickets, and get your ass (along with the rest of you) to Florida this October!!!
Peep all the details at www.LuauByTheSea.com
As always, we’ll see ya at the Lake… and if you like a great time for a great cause, we’ll see ya by the sea as well!
OHANA: 2016 rooms available NOW!!!07/24/2015
Aloha Kep Kats and Kool Kittens!!
No long weird brain-dump babble from me today; Its half-past cocktails and I’m still at the office, so lets get right down to business so I can get to my second job (as personal bartender to the voice-in-my-head, Rinaldo).
You can book your room at the Tiki Resort for next year’s Ohana RIGHT NOW (yes, now!!!)
Next year’s Ohana is Thursday June 23rd, 2016 (kick-off party) through Sunday the 26th. And as always, if you can come a day early, or stay a day later, its well worth the time. Lake George is a kitschy wonderland chock full of awesome (don’t forget the Mystery Spot!!), so why not grab an extra day of vacation?
Call the Tiki direct at 518-668-5744 and be sure to mention OHANA to get the special rates. And please be patient. I’m sure they’re going to be swamped with calls.
Also, keep in mind that just getting a room at the Tiki does NOT get you into Ohana. You’ll still need tickets for the event, but we won’t be putting those on sale for quite awhile. Still, here’s your chance to get a room where the action is!! We’ll set up overflow hotels soon, but right now we’re focusing just on the Tiki.
When we did this last year, the hotel sold out in days, so don’t delay, call right away…Dr Bombay!!!
For real, I think it was 3 or 4 days and the place was completely booked, so seriously, if you want to be at the Tiki, call now.
Here’s the scoop on the rates:
164.00 per room, per night – 2 Double beds
179.00 per room, per night – 2 Queen beds
185.00 per room, per night – 1 Queen & Sofa
194.00 per room, per night – 1 King & Jacuzzi
199.00 per room, per night – 1 King, Jacuzzi, Patio
199.00 per room, per night – 2 Queens, Jacuzzi, Patio
All rates are based on single or double occupancy.
For additional adults there is a $10.00 per person, per night charge
There will be no charge for children under the age of 17 staying in with their parents (but really, do you want your kids at this thing?)
Guests under the age of 21 must be with their parent or legal guardian (See above again. An ocean of booze and teens (or worse, toddlers)… what could possibly go wrong?)
All rates are subject to 11% in taxes.
There is a 2 night minimum on all rooms.
There is a 30 thirty day cancellation policy on all room reservations.
Call them direct, call them collect, but call them todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! 518-668-5744
That number again is 518-668-5744
Operators are standing by now!!!
Don’t caaaare how, book your room now! Thanks Veruca.
And mahalo for all your support too!
See ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Rooms for next year!!!07/17/2015
Its your old pal Uncle Punchy coming to you today with my review of marvel’s latest film, Antman…. Ok, its only a review of about the first 45 minutes.
Anyone else stay up waaaay too late with cocktails and then catch the midnight show only to fall asleep shortly after and still wind up a dead tired punchy bag of toys at work today?
No huh? Just me? Fine, no review for you!!!
Actually, I’ve bigger news than Antman… (Get it? Cause he’s so tiny!… Hey, I said I was punchy, not that I was funny.)
So, usually we try to get everything lined up so guests from Ohana can re-book their room at the Tiki before they leave. Well, we had some things to iron out this year, so we couldn’t do that, BUT, as of RIGHT NOW, you can call the Tiki and re-reserve your room again for next year.
Note: The Tiki is only holding these rooms for you guys for one week. Next Friday, the block opens up to the public, so if you want to stay at the Tiki again for next year’s Ohana (Thusday June 23rd, 2016 through Sunday the 26th) be sure to call them quick!!!
Call them direct at 518-668-5744 and let them know you want to rebook your room!!
If the room was under someone else’s name, then that someone else needs to call.
And if you weren’t at the Tiki this year, mark down next Friday (7/24) and call them first thing on the 24th to get in on those rooms!
Here’s the skinny on the details:
$164.00 per room, per night – 2 Double beds
179.00 per room, per night – 2 Queen beds
185.00 per room, per night – 1 Queen & Sofa
194.00 per room, per night – 1 King & Jacuzzi
199.00 per room, per night – 1 King, Jacuzzi, Patio
199.00 per room, per night – 2 Queens, Jacuzzi, Patio
All rates are based on single or double occupancy.
For additional adults there is a $10.00 per person, per night charge
There will be no charge for children under the age of 17 staying in with their parents (but really, do you want your kids at this thing?)
Guests under the age of 21 must be with their parent or legal guardian (See above again. An ocean of booze and teens… what could go wrong?)
All rates are subject to 11% in taxes.
There is a 2 night minimum on all rooms.
There is a 30 thirty day cancellation policy on all room reservations.
Call them direct, call them collect, but call them todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! 518-668-5744
That number again is 518-668-5744
Operators are standing by now!!!
Have a great weekend everyone!
OHANA: 2016...and sooner!!07/10/2015
First, a huge and hearty MAHALO!!! to everyone who helped make OHANA so awesome this year. Our sponsors, vendors, volunteers, performers, the Tiki staff, and most of all you, our attendees.
I say it every year, but you guys bring the aloha like no one I know. It all starts with the amazing attitude and vibe that you all bring, and its what really makes this event like no other. Anyone can book some bands and roast a pig, but you folks are what make Ohana. Keep being awesome!
I spoke with a number of people who joined us for their first time this year, and their response has been amazing!
Sidebar: If you were a first time attendee and HAVEN’T heard from me (and don’t mind giving us some feedback) email me and I’ve got a quick questionnaire I’d love for you to answer. After doing this for so many years, its easy to lose sight that for some people, its their first time, and we want to make sure we’re still doing a good job getting everyone informed/involved. Along those lines, even if you’re an Ohana “old timer”, and you’ve got input (positive or negative) please feel free to email me back with your thoughts. Evaluation is the only path to improvement.
Ok, so on to the good stuff. OHANA: Luau At The Lake will be held next year on June 24th – 26th, 2016 (with a kickoff party on the 23rd). Put in for those vacation days now!! I’ll have the hotel info and booking instructions in early August, so keep an eye out for that email if you want to stay at the Tiki (Don’t bother them yet. The rooms aren’t available. I’ll let ya know when… Early August, I promise.)
Now, if you can’t wait that long to get your tiki back on, you’re in luck!!!
The F.O.M.’s other premier event, the Hot Rod Hula Hop is coming up fast. August 6th and 7th, we re-light the torch in beautiful Columbus, Ohio. A luau feast, amazing drinks, incredible bands (including Franics Llacuna, The Digs, Superfez, The Revomatics and Unknown Hinson!!!! That’s right! Freakin’ UNKNOWN HINSON!!!) plus a hot rod show, pin-up contest, burlesque, and bowling!!! More fun than you can shake a stick at (not that you’d want to…I’m not sure what purpose the stick shaking serves?)
Tickets are on sale now! Check out www.HotRodHulaHop.com for all the details, and get your ass to Ohio! Seriously. If you’ve already been to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, here’s the other reason you need to visit Ohio. The Hop is off the chain this year! (The kids still say that right? “Off the chain”? or is it “Off the hook”? And is “Hizzie” still a thing?) For real though, the Hop is NOT to be missed.
And don’t forget that the inaugural OHANA: Luau By the Sea (www.LuauByTheSea.com) is coming up in October, when we take the fun and spirit of OHANA and move it down to South Florida (Mai Kai!!!), so rest up; You’ve got a lot of partying to do… for the kids. That’s right, ALL of the FOM events are charity events, so your revels help to make the world a better place. And I can’t think of anything cooler than that.
You guys and gals rock!
See ya at the Lake…and the Hop…and the Sea.
OHANA: Last minute BS06/22/2015
I’m going to start loading up the UHaul soon, and then I’m off the grid until Ohana, so lets do the last minute stuff, shall we?
A couple of the things I forgot to mention (or warrant mentioning again)…
1) Bid on Silent Auction stuff!!! It’s the #1 way we raise the money for charity (at $90/ticket for Ohana, we breakeven if we’re lucky!). You get something cool, and 100% of those proceeds go right to the EIF!!!! Win-win!!
2) The patio attached to the bar is covered under the Tiki’s liquor license. There can be NO OUTSIDE LIQUOR/BEER brought onto the patio. Seriously. Buy a drink from the bar and relax up there. In fact, buy MANY drinks from the bar because…
3) For the first time in Ohana history, the Tiki has graciously allowed us to participate in cocktail sales!! $1 of EVERY cocktail sold goes to the event/donation!!! That’s right! For every drink you buy, Ohana gets a buck that we’ll put toward the EIF. We’re helping mix them, and making sure they are all awesome, so try em all… multiple times!!! Drink up!! Its for the kids!!
4) Wear your badge at ALL TIMES!!! We’ve got extra security on this year, and if you don’t have a badge on, you will be removed from the premises. We have crashers every year (what kind of complete douche would crash a charity event is beyond me, but we get them), and you don’t want to be thrown in with that riff-raff. Always wear your badge, then there will be no problems.
I’m sure I had more to say, and I’m sure I’m forgetting about a dozen things, but time waits for no man… and neither do the Uhaul folks!!
See ya at the Lake!!!
OHANA: Tons of Stuff!!!06/19/2015
Ok, I’ve got some final notes for those joining us this year, and those that couldn’t, there is HOPE!!!
I’ve got a couple last minute cancellations, so if you still want to join us next week, shoot me an email, and I’ll put you in touch with the folks who need to sell their tickets.
Ok, on to the awesome (there’s a TON of awesome):
1) Remember to play mini-golf!!!! We’ve got some amazing trophies carved by Zombie Oasis to give away to our fellow mini-duffers. If you’re at the Lake early on Friday, go hit the mini-links for a round!! Or before all the action starts on Saturday. Remember to write your name clearly on the scorecard, and turn those cards in by 4pm at the Merchandise Table on Saturday!! And keep in mind, if you show your Ohana badge up at Gooney Golf (one of our favorite courses…there’s a great Tiki in the middle!) they give you a dollar off the price. Swing away!!!
2) At 4pm on Friday, in the Paradise Lounge during Happy Hour, our old pal Jimmy (from the Polynesian Show!!) will be around to play uke, sing, answer questions about island life & culture, and talk story. If you’ve never gotten a chance to hang with this cat, DO NOT miss this opportunity. He’s is living, breathing aloha. I cant think of a better way to kick of Ohana!
3) Have you seen the Ohana Movie? We’re trying to figure out a way to play it onsite (probably on a loop in Paradise), but if you cant wait until next weekend to see it, this should get you all fired up for Ohana! Filmed on location, Pete and Freda from Toronto Vintage Television has put together a veritable feast for your eyes and ears! Go check it out on the youtube at : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7DfZ9IgXVQ Be sure to give them a like on facebook, or post a comment on youtube. They really captured the essence of Ohana, and their hard work really shows. All that’s missing is my two hour diatribe on the breakfast cereal cabal and the lack of cool prizes in the box these days; Pete said he accidentally cut that part out. Petition him to add it as a bonus feature!!
4) * My apologies.* Yeah, I’m saying sorry in advance because I’m gonna break the Ohana Spirit twice this weekend, and I feel like a jerk about it. At Ohana, there are NO VIPs. No one is special because we’re ALL special (my mommy says so!). I buy a ticket, just like you…but I’m gonna throw my weight around during the room crawl and dinner, so let me say I’m sorry in advance. I don’t have enough time to see all the rooms, so I’m gonna cut the line on ya (and I’m gonna tip well…you should too!)… it’s the only way I can see them all in the short break I have between bands. I don’t think I’m the King Sh*t of Ohana or anything, I just LOVE seeing how our guests BRING IT during the crawl. So apologies for cutting you. The second part… I’m gonna cut the sound guys to the front of the food line when the pig comes out. They need to eat quick and get back to work making sure Ohana sounds awesome while you enjoy dinner. I’ll go to the back of the line, no worries. Just need to get Pappy & Gilligan fed and back to work!!!
5) Along the lines of being dick at Ohana….DONT. You guys know the score. This is always one of the most peaceful, fun-loving booze-soaked gatherings of the year. Lets keep it that way. Have fun, pace yourself, drink water…if you’ve over imbibed (it happens to the best of us), go lie down. Spread the aloha, not the asshola. Nuff said.
Phew! Did you get through all that?
For the TL;DR crowd: Play minigolf for prizes, see Jimmy in paradise 4pm on Friday, watch Ohana movie, Bargoyle is gonna pull a dick move but he’s sorry about it, party hard but always remain civilized.
Ok…MUCH to do, much to pack… we’ll see ya at the Lake!
PS. This just in….to add to the festivities this weekend, Ohana attendees will be transported to the forbidden island on Friday night. No, not Bali Hai…CUBA!! With all this Cuba talk going on lately, one of our room crawl hosts has decided to bring the rum-soaked workers’ paradise up to Lake George…but they need your help!!
During the last round of room crawls on Friday night, the Welcome to Cuba room will be holding a HEMINGWAY / CASTRO COSTUME CONTEST!! FOR A PRIZE!! What kind of prize? Well, let’s just say it is an intoxicating liquid of questionable legal status, but definitely delicious. ALSO, this contest is not just open to husky, bewhiskered, caucasian males – after all, no one said this was a “look-alike” contest…GET CREATIVE – they want to see entries of all sizes, shapes, shades and sexes!! So get crackin’ so you can show off your most outstanding Papa or your most awesome Fidel! Viva Cuba!!!
OHANA: Rooms & Check-In06/11/2015
Aloha all you Happy Campers out there in TV land!!
Bargoyle here, coming at you live and in color on this fine and lovely morning!
Why am I in such a good mood? No clue. I think I’ve finally snapped and completely lost my grasp of reality. Rinaldo (the voice in my head) agrees.
OK, the Big News today… There are one or two rooms available at the Tiki!!!! So, if you aren’t staying at the Tiki and want to, here’s your chance!!
Call them direct, call them collect, but call them today!!! (518) 668-5744
Now, since we’ve got some new folks joining us this year (remember, there are no n00bs and no VIPs… we’re all family for the weekend) I figure I’ll go over the check-in process. Read it even if you think you know. There’s some important stuff in here:
14 Easy steps to a fun and fruitful Ohana:
1) Check in to your hotel
2) Check in to Ohana (starting at 1pm on Friday near the Paradise Lounge).
3) At check in, give the volunteers the EMAIL address you used to buy your tickets. You will get an envelope. (Yay! Envelopes!!)
4) Take the badges out of the envelope they give you, and wear them IMMEDIATELY and CONSTANTLY. Security will hassle you if you don’t have your badge on. Wear it at all times
5) Take the DINNER TICKETS for Saturday out of the envelope and put them somewhere SAFE!! No ticket, no food. Do NOT lose these. There are NO replacements.
6) If you bought a mug, put the COA from the envelope someplace safe (That’s yours to keep) and take the MUG PICKUP TICKET out and give it to the folks at the merchandise table to get your mug (they’ll be in the bar on Friday; Under the big top on Saturday)
7) Eat the envelope (We’re going green here people. Reduce, re-use, regurgitate)
8) Continue along the line and get your swag bag and TONS of free goodies.
9) Get out of the way so the next folks can get their goodies. Keep that line a-movin!!
10) Follow the schedule in Ohana Magazine and on your badge, and have a great time!!
11) During the room crawl, TIP the rooms you visit. They pay for all that décor and booze out of their own pocket. Throw them a couple bucks. Spread the aloha, not the asshola.
12) Along those lines, PACE YOURSELF during the room crawl (and the whole weekend!). Drink water. Know your limits. Don’t be the idiot puking in the bushes. We WILL all point and laugh at you. If you’ve over-imbibed, go lay down. Don’t be a dick to other attendees because that demon rum got all up under your skin.
13) Bid on some stuff at the Silent Auction (its how we make the $ for the donation to the EIF)
14) MOST IMPORTANT- Buy Bargoyle a drink.
Boom! There ya have it. Couldn’t be easier, right?
Ok, LOTS to do before we light this candle, so I’m gonna get back to it. If you haven’t been training for Ohana these past few weeks, its not too late to start. Concentrate on building up your liver and calf muscles (for that damn hill I go up and down about 10,000 times each Ohana) If you have any questions, feel free to email me.
Mahalo! And we’ll see ya at the Lake!!
OHANA: Show Us Your Head Contest!! Free tix!!06/01/2015
Aloha Boys & Girls!!!
Today I’ve got the skinny on the Deadhead “Show Us Your Head!” contest, with a grand prize of Two Free Tickets to Ohana AND a deluxe Patio Suite Room at the Tiki Resort for the duration of the event!!!
Pretty sweet deal huh? I think they’re even throwing in a bottle of Deadhead Rum!!!!
All entries must be received through Facebook, so if you don’t have a facebook account, now is the time to finally join.
Step ONE is to LIKE Deadhead Rum on the facepage: https://www.facebook.com/DeadheadRum
Even if you aren’t planning on entering the contest, you should go LIKE Deadhead. It’s a sweet hookup they’re offering. Go show Kim & the Deadhead gang some love with a few clicks!
Step TWO: Take a photo showing off your love and appreciation of Deadhead. The sky is the limit here. You can paint yourself to look like the bottle, take a selfie surrounded by full/empty deadhead bottles, photoshop yourself INSIDE the bottle ala I Dream of Jeanie, whatever you want!! Get creative, get wild, but get it done by Midnight (EST) THIS Friday, June 5th.
Step THREE: Once you have your photographic masterpiece ready, POST it to the Deadhead Facebook Page : https://www.facebook.com/DeadheadRum You know, the page you LIKED in step one, and tag it with “Show Us Your Head!” If you’d rather be contacted via email in the event of winning, include your email address in the post. And again, all entries must be received by Midnight (EST), June 5th, 2015.
Step FOUR: Profit!! No, wait. That’s not right. Step four is to sit tight as the Deahead staff goes through the entries. A winner will be decided and announced on Monday, June 8th. If you provided an email, we’ll reach out to you that way, otherwise keep an eye on your facebook message inbox!
Its just that easy!!
The Fine Print:
Since the contest is coming late, we’ve already got our headcounts in to the Tiki… which means if you win, but already have tickets, we can’t guarantee any refunds. Plan on bringing friends. Sell them your tickets and take the freebies! ;)
In the same vein, you could use your winning entry simply to move from a different hotel to a Patio Suite at the Tiki. Canceling your existing room will be your responsibility. If you already have a room at the Tiki (but want that Patio Suite Upgrade… I think its got a heart shaped hot tub, no lie!) we cant guarantee that The Tiki can refund you for your existing room, but we will try. They have a pretty deep waiting list.
To put it simply: we’re not some corporate juggernaut; We’re Ohana!! If we can help you unload a room or extra tickets, we certainly will, but we can’t guarantee it, so plan on inviting someone else if you already have tickets… maybe that hot gal/guy you’ve had your eye on? Or your parents? Or the mailman/woman?
One entry per person please. If you have multiple ideas, check with your friends and only submit the best one!
Good luck!!! And we’ll see ya at the Lake!!
ps. Only like five Ohana mugs left, so if you want one of those cool skull mugs Squid designed, be sure to buy one all quick-like.
OHANA: FREE Tickets & Hotel!!!!05/29/2015
Well, I had planned a big email blast with a few surprises and to push the skull mug (he’s almost sold out) and CATT mugs and the glavin, but I come with good and bad news instead…
Ok, Good news:
DeadHead Rum has joined on again as an Ohana Sponsor!!!! We freaking LOVE this stuff. Great rum in the coolest bottle ever, and Kim and the DeadHead gang are some of the coolest cats around. So of course we’re thrilled!!!
The Bad News? They cant make it to the event. As much as we wanted the Head-Mobile to make another visit, there are 3000+ miles separating us, and its just not in the cards this year.
The AWESOME news?
DeadHead wants to give away their tickets and room for Ohana.
That’s right! They’re going to have a contest, and the winner gets TWO free passes to Ohana, AND a free room at The Tiki Resort!!! Super cool, right? I told you, the DeadHead folks rock!
FREE TRIP TO OHANA!!!! (Ok, not totally free. You still need to find a way to get there. Oh, and bring tip money for the room crawl hosts!)
To get in on the action, go and LIKE them on the facepage:
Go and do that RIGHT NOW!!! That’s Step One of entering.
Then we’ll have all the details about the contest for you early next week (need to give you time to make those travel arrangements!).
So, if you need tickets, or want a room at the Tiki, or have always wanted to go to Ohana but couldn’t swing it for whatever reason, NOW is your chance !!!!
Have a great weekend everyone!! Go click that LIKE button, and I’ll get ya all the details next week!
See ya at the Lake!!!
OHANA: The mug one for realsies05/15/2015
Aloha Guys & Dolls!!!!
Ok, I promised to reveal more of this year’s Ohana mug soon, and guess what? Soon is right now (Someone tell Morrissey.)
So, once again, and for those who are joining us for the first time, we have a custom made event tiki mug each year at Ohana. We’ve been lucky enough to have sculptor, artist, musician, and all around good dude, Squid design our mug every year. And this year (like last year) he’s personally glazing and hand firing each and every one. Zowie!!! Show the guy some love over at http://www.squidart.com/
Now, the mug is available ONLY to Ohana attendees, and rather than have a huge line at the event to buy it (who wants to wait in line when there’s so much cool stuff going on??) we put the mug up for sale early. Then, when you check-in at Ohana, you can pick up your mug, and get down to the serious business of spreading the Aloha, worry free!!!
A few catches… one, as I mentioned, you have to have purchased a ticket to Ohana. Each ticket = one mug opportunity (buy 1 ticket, you can buy one mug… two tickets, two mugs, etc etc).
Also, it’s a VERY limited edition. We’ve got 129 of these bad boys coming in, and we expect another sell out (Why 129? Why not?), so if you want one, it’s best to pre-buy him.
He’s only $50. Yup, just $50, and will be one of only 129 ever made. Ever. In the entire universe… yours to own for one low installment of $50USD
And he goes on sale THIS Monday at Noon Eastern Standard Time. Just go to the website ( www.LuauAtTheLake.com ), and there will be a link in the menu bar at the top. To buy him, you’ll have to provide the EMAIL ADDRESS you used to purchase Ohana tickets, so if someone else bought tickets for you, have them buy your mug as well. Tell ‘em you’ll get the cash to them soon, and then drag it out until it’s uncomfortable. That’s always a fun prank.
Ok, so we good?Any questions?
Everybody want one?
Huh? “Whats it look like?” It looks awesome, ok?
You don’t believe me?
Ok, you DO believe me, but still want to see it?
Ladies & Gentlemen, I’d like to introduce this year’s Ohana mug…
“Pour Your Ick” (yup, that’s a Hamlet pun. See? I’m not an uncultured heathen after all… I’m a quite cultured heathen, thank you)
Sorry my photography skills suck, but it still looks pretty amazing, right? And its even better in person!!! Plus the top opening is so big you can eat that new Avengers Cereal out of it!!!
SO, again, this coming Monday (5/18) at 12:00 noon EST…. $50… attendees only… only 129 available.
Whats that? You cant wait until Monday? Me neither…
And you don’t have to!!!
Well, ok, for Your Ick you do, but, a little bird told me that there are a VERY few remaining CATT (Chicago Area Tiki Tour) mugs left for sale. Like “Count on one hand” mugs available and they are awesome. Hand made by PopTiki of Colorado…
Seriously, if you’ve got the mug itch, the CATT will help you scratch it. Check it out here: https://fraternalorderofmoai.org/events/catt/mugs_purchase.php
See ya for Pour Your Ick sales on Monday, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!!
OHANA: Cocktails, Contests, and Consternation05/13/2015
There’s a special treat for those who stick around to the end of the message, so bear with my semi-coherent ramblings.
And for those on the waiting list, I’ll be sending you an email soon to confirm that I’ve got ya, and how many tickets you’re looking for. All hope is not lost. (If you don’t have tickets and need to get on that list, goto http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php to sign up)
OK, for today, we’ve got the Original, often duplicated, never imitated, faux-gold plated, carbon dated, bargoyle should be sedated, OHANA COCKTAIL CONTEST!!!
What makes our cocktail contest unique? ANYONE can enter!! “Even me?” Yes, even you Rinaldo, the ever-present voice-in-my-head. Amateur mixologists are welcomed and encouraged!! Head-voices are optional.
The simply amazing folks over at El Dorado Rum ( http://theeldoradorum.com/ ) are hosting the contest this year and we are stoked!!! Seriously, have you had their 15 Year Old Special Reserve? Sweet baby jeebus, that stuff is goooooooooooooooood. …
Sorry, I drifted into a rum-dream for a minute there. Anyway, yeah. Demerera rum… You know it, you love it, you need it (for a BUNCH of tiki drink recipes), and El Dorado is the king kong bundy grand-daddy of the stuff.
So, whats the catch? No catch. Make a drink using one (or more) El Dorado products in it; mix it and present it live to our panel of judges; win fame, fortune, and bragging rights!! (note: fame is limited to the Tiki resort for 24 hours, and the “fortune” consists of an awesome custom carved Ohana trophy and some goodies. Bragging rights are yours for one full year, until 2016’s cocktail contest. Failure to surrender bragging rights at that time may result in public depantsing and/or wet willies at the judge’s discretion)
Drinks are judged on Taste, Use of ingredients, and Presentation. And a quick thought here: Presentation USED to mean “Is it an appetizing color?” “Does it have a garnish?” “Is it in a cool mug?” That kind of thing. You guys have taken presentation to a WHOLE new level with songs, costumes, props, and all manner of shenanigans. And while that’s awesome, don’t let it prevent you from entering the contest. Taste is still #1, and if you’ve got a good original drink under your belt, by all means, whip it out. Don’t feel you need fire dancers and catchy jingle.
You can get all the details and enter by emailing the lovely and talented Nifertiki at [email protected] but here are some helpful tips:
1) You only have FIVE minutes to present your drink. FIVE (5). Not one second more. If you have a big presentation planned with dancers and a power point slide show, PRE-MIX your drink. Otherwise, mix it live, letting the judges know the recipe as you go, and serve it. After 5 minutes, you’ll be cut off (by a GONG!!!), so make sure that drink is done!! Practice at home with a stopwatch. Five minutes. Seriously.
2) Think in terms of easy to get, or easy to make ingredients. I remember running around one year trying to find a centrifuge for Prof Hummingflowah of WAITIKI. Now, his drink DID turn out freaking awesome, but most folks don’t have scientific/medical equipment in their home bars. Aim for a drink anyone can replicate.
3) Presentation STILL means look, garnish, and vessel. You need only make ONE drink in your favorite mug/bowl. Don’t feel you need to bring enough for all the judges (we’ll have sample cups for them), but make some extra garnishes. Smell is a big portion of taste, and if that fresh mint or hibiscus adds to the drink, make sure all the judges sample cups have it!!!
4) Have fun!!! In the end its all for the kids (and the bragging rights). And mixology is a hoot at any level. Take the drink seriously but don’t take yourself seriously, and you’ll do fine.
Again, to get in on the action and enter our 7th Annual Cocktail Contest sponsored by El Dorado, email Nifertiki at [email protected]
And now, for those of you who stuck around this far (or just scrolled to the end right when you read my caveat at the top… do you people eat your dessert first too? Cause if so, I wanna party with you guys. I’m a grown-ass man!! I should be able to start with dessert if I want!! Who came up with the “dessert last” thing anyway?)
Anyway, yeah… so here’s a little sneak peak at this years mug, loving designed, glazed, and personally hand-fired by our old pal Squid… Just a tease pic… you don’t get the money shot until the big announcement….
More details to come on this sucker REALLY soon.
Stay cool, stay dry, stay safe, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Gong Gong Gone04/10/2015
Aloha Krazy Kats & Kool Kittens!!!
You guys are mental (in the best way possible), and you totally floor me year after year.
After a record breaking sell out at the Tiki Resort for rooms, you’ve gone and broken another record and set our fastest sell out of OHANA tickets ever!!
Yup, you read that right.
OHANA IS SOLD OUT!!!
I can’t thank you enough for the faith and support over the years, and keep in mind that by joining us, you’re helping to do something AWESOME in the world; Preserve Rapa Nui (Easter Island) and get kids an education. I mean seriously, how cool is that? How cool are YOU for helping out? Super cool!!! (I answered for you).
So anyway, if you missed out on tickets this year, all hope is not yet lost. You can get on our waiting list by filling out the official form on the web page: http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php
If you DON’T wind up getting a ticket to join us, there’s always next year. We have NO “day of” or single day ticket sales (hey, it helps keep our attendee count honest), and I know you don’t want to be the asshat who crashes a charity event (We reserve the right to cook and eat any crashers, Captain Cook style).
But seriously, we usually have a few cancellations every year, so if you sign up quick, odds are that we’ll get you in.
And if you’ve got a free minute while you’re out there on the intarweb, you should check out what you did by attending OHANA last year: http://www.fraternalorderofmoai.org/news/index.php/2015/03/20/fom-2015-scholarships-awarded-by-the-easter-island-foundation
Go ahead… give yourself a self-high-five. You deserve it.
As usual MUCH more to come soon (cocktail contest, silent auction, room crawl, and all manner of shenanigans) so keep your eyes on your inbox, or go like our facespace page: https://www.facebook.com/OhanaLuau
Or do both. You’re wacky like that, I know it.
Again, thanks for the many years (or if this is your first time, thanks for THIS year) of support, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
Just a quick one today, a full day BEFORE April 1st so you know I’m not foolin’ (no BROhana joke this year, I promise).
Tickets for Ohana are almost sold out!!! Buy them now or cry later. http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php
The Kickoff Party remains sold out, but we have a waiting list set up. I promise to do my best to get everyone in. If you missed out on the Thursday kick-off and want on the list, send me an email. No guarantees, but again, I’ll try my best (its how I got all these Gold Stars on my homework!!!)
The Royer Swizzle Contest is going on NOW!!! We’ve got a few folks who requested an entry form, but we can do better than that!! I mean, seriously, do you understand what’s at stake here!?? (besides bragging rights?).
A CUSTOM swizzle, of YOUR design!!!!
The abso-freaking-lutely PERFECT accompaniment to that home/patio bar you spend way too much time at. And its super simple to enter. 1) Get an entry form (email Caroline(at)LuauAtTheLake(dot)com for one) 2) Make a short video (under two minutes) featuring Royer products. 3) Win the coolest prize ever and get internet famous in the process!!
Make your video silly, funny, serious, informative, frivolous… whatever you want! A black & white German existentialist exploration on the meaning of life from a MaiTai’s point of view? Why not? A stop-frame animated Beanie & Cecil homage that ends with one or both of them impaled on Royer swizzle sticks? Bring it!!! Check out www.Royercorp.com or https://www.facebook.com/RoyerCorp for inspiration!
Get those creative juices flowing, and go out and win win win!!!!!! Beat State!! Go local sports team!!! Rah Rah Ree, kick ‘em in the knee…Rah Rah Rass, kick ‘em in the other knee. Whoa. Sorry. March Madness (Hey, at least I have an excuse for my crazyness during the month of March, so you know I’m gonna take it)
Ohana Room Crawl needs hosts! As you probably know, the room crawl is one of my favorite parts of Ohana. Great bands interspersed with cocktails and Aloha from our attendees. It floors me every year. Anyway, I heard most of that tiki-biker gang is in jail, and there are a few “regulars” who cant make it this year, so we need to fill out some of the hosting spots. If you’ve been a crawler for years, THIS is the year to pay it back. Set up your room (as easy as a table and a chair.. no need to go mental with the décor), pour a few drinks, put out your tip jar, and become everyone’s best friend for 90 minutes!!
For real though, if you want to host a room, that’s super awesome and we’d love to have ya. Email geoffb91(at)gmail(dot)com to get more info. Remember, this is YOUR event. There’s a whole bunch of us who work to put the pieces together, but in the end its all of YOU who make this thing kick ass (and help Easter Island in the process!!). So step on up and show off those hosting/hostessing skills!
Much more to come later, and as always, we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Get your swizzle on!!!03/12/2015
I Hope everyone is finally thawing out as everything up here turns to mud. I can actually see over a few of the snow banks, so I’m hopeful that spring is ready to happen any minute. And warm weather turns my thoughts to Ohana and all the fun we’ve got in store for you again this year.
But before we get into fun, a few housekeeping notes:
1) The kickoff party on Thursday is 100% sold out, but we’ve started a waiting list, so if you’re going to be in Lake George on Thursday, but didn’t get a ticket, shoot me an email and I’ll get you on the list. No promises, but I’ll do my best to make sure everyone gets in.
2) Ohana tickets continue to sell briskly as well. We’re down to “count on two hands” for Ohana tickets available, so be sure you don’t put that off too much longer. In fact, its even less ‘cause I need to buy my tickets this week!! (Yes, I buy a ticket just like you. There are no VIPs at Ohana. We’re all family. And its for a good cause!!)
And speaking of good causes (segue!!!) how about doing something awesome for yourself?? Like getting some FREE custom made swizzle sticks for that super cool home bar you have (or intend on building soon)?
To enter, all you have to do is make a short film (under two minutes) featuring Royer’s products. Easy Peasy Rice and Cheesy.
Get creative! Get internet famous! Get some kick ass swizzles (if you win)!!
To enter, just send an email to Caroline at caroline(at)LuauAtTheLake(dot)com and she’ll get you an entry form.
Here’s a bunch of last years entries to get your creative juices flowing: Royer Video Library
Some great entries for sure (especially the one from that Bargoyle character) but nothing that you can’t top. This year mine is going to be a post-modern socio-economic study of the plight of the American Farmer through interpretive dance set to Devo-esque repetitive “dada” EDM. But I’m not eligible to win, so don’t let the awesomeness of my idea scare you off.
Ok, so once more… send an email to caroline(at)luauatthelake(dot)com* to get an entry form with all the details. Make a video. Win coolest prize for a contest ever.*
It doesn’t get any easier than that folks! You don’t even need to be present at Ohana to win (although I reserve the right to claim and design your swizzle for you if you’re not there. Here’s a hint, it WILL have a tiki with gargoyle wings as its topper.)
So, get in on the contest, go buy your tickets (if you haven’t yet) and we’ll see ya at the Lake!!!
Much more to come soon.
OHANA: Lunch Hour Madness02/24/2015
Greetings and Salutations my Lords and Ladies of Aloha!
Ok, I’m gonna tl;dr this one right off the bat for those with short attention spans:
1) Room Crawl Hosts. We love ya, we want ya again (or for the first time) Email geoffb91(at)gmail(dot)com to sign up for a hosting spot
2) Kick-Off Party: SOLD OUT. If you missed it, but want in, email me and I’ll get you on the waiting list
3) OHANA tickets: Close to sold out. Buying sooner is better than later. Just saying.
4) Men In Gray Suits will be performing at Ohana!! Stoked to have them
Ok, more details on everything below:
Quite possibly my favorite aspect of Ohana, you guys just keep BRINGING it year after year with rooms that absolutely floor me. For those who don’t know, or don’t remember so clear from too many libations last year, the Room Crawl is where our attendees, out of the aloha spirit and goodness in their hearts, open their doors for a Round Robin cocktail party. Amazing drinks, décor, food, fun, and pure awesomeness ensue. If you’ve crawled in the past, and figure this is the year to “pay it back”..or pay it forward… or however you want to pay it, awesome!!!!! We’d love to have you. Don’t feel that you need to have over the top decorations, or that you need to feed or serve drinks to everyone. You do what you’re comfortable with. Open your doors at the beginning of your time slot, close them when the slot is done (or earlier if you want). Show off your host/hostess with the most/mostess skills, meet pretty much EVERYONE who’s there, and help make Ohana the big bundle of amazeballs it continues to be.
You can get more info, or just straight up sign up for a slot by reaching out to the right Reverend Thumper at geoffb91(at)gmail(dot)com More on the crawl in later emails (including my pre-emptive apology for cutting you in line. Sorry.)
Kick Off Party!
Yeah, those tickets went fast fast fast. We’re confirming the fire code, and double checking the head count to see if we can some more of you in, so all hope is not lost… and some folks may cancel, so if you’re going to be in Lake George on Thursday night, it would suck to leave ya sitting outside… so, again, email me if you missed out and want in, and I’ll start a waiting list. I promise to do my best. Have I ever let you down before? (don’t answer that!!)
OHANA: Luau At The Lake tickets… going … going…
Ok, really close to sold out on weekend tickets already too. I’ve been floored at the response this year (the Tiki booking all its room in two days, the kick-off party selling out in under a week) and the rest of the weekend isn’t far behind. We’d love for you to be part of it, but no tickie, no party… and once we’re sold out, that’s it. Come and join us on the dark side, but don’t wait too long… and don’t forget, just because you have a room at the Tiki does NOT mean that you’re into Ohana. You still need a ticket. And you need to buy it fast!!! Enough on the hard sell. You guys know the score. We sell out every year, we will again… I wish we could accommodate more, but the Tiki is only so big, and we like the size we have (big enough to be crazy, small enough to be intimate). So don’t delay, buy today!!!
Men In Grey Suits
These guys have been coming to Ohana for… ever. And I’m psyched that they’re going to get the opportunity to thrill and amaze you with their sonic skills. If you thought Canadians don’t surf…well, ok that might be true, but they sure as hell can rock the music of surfing!! You can check out the entire lineup and a lot of the planned shenanigans on the website (as well as buy your tickets!!) over at www.LuauAtTheLake.com
And as usual, for those who suffer through my babble, here’s a treat for you… Yes there is mug again this year. Yes its ONLY available to Ohana attendees. Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus. And Yes , Squid is once again pulling out all the stops to make something special that needs to be on your shelf… mine too. I may sneak peek it when I get back form vacation, but expect the mug to be up for grabs in the next few weeks as well. Limited run again.. 127 I think? I don’t remember. I just pick prime numbers out of a hat and that’s how many we make… Anyway, just one MORE reason to buy that ticket.
Ok, its lunch time and I’ve got a craving for chic-fil-a… of course, when DON’T I have that craving? Seriously. There’s some sort of addictive pheromones in those sandwiches or something. Almost on vacation…screw it, I’m eating three. Fat bargoyle is fat.
See ya at the Lake!!
-Bargoyle, Devourer of Worlds… and chicken sandwiches
OHANA: Tickets! For reals. Pinky swear!02/04/2015
Ok, again, my apologies on the snafu on Monday. I had no idea it was going to take the credit cards folks that long to get us back up and running after the upgrade.
I guess their claim of “48 hours to process” meant business hours, during the work day, not 48 consecutive hours.
Anyway, we’re back on track and tickets absolutely positively (I sincerely hope) WILL be on sale this FRIDAY, Feb 6th, at 11.11AM EST.
For reals this time. No fooling.
We’re testing the system right now, working out the kinks, and making sure it will run smooth for Friday (so far, so good).
So, Friday at 11.11AM, just go to www.LuauAtTheLake.com and there will be a BUY TICKETS link on there.
If you have a room at the Tiki… awesome!! Lucky you! But you STILL need a ticket. So go buy one!!!
We’re holding the price at $90 for Ohana (and yes, that gets you into EVERYTHING…and includes the meal on Saturday night!!! A better tiki deal you will not find. I promise you.)
There are NO single day tickets (apart from the Thursday Kick-Off party which will also be on sale for $25) and security will be tight this year with extra folks hired to keep an eye on everything. As usual, crashers will beaten with Hawaiian War Clubs and cooked as part of the Saturday dinner (mmmm. Delicious long pig!).
It’s a charity event. Bad juju to crash charity. The Francis/Michaels wedding that’s going on at the same time over at the Fort William Henry… now THAT’S something to crash. I hear there’s a Make Your Own Sundae Bar at it!!!
Anyway, back to Ohana… tickets sell out every year. Tickets will sell out this year as well. Buy them as soon as you can. If the fact that the Tiki sold out ALL of their rooms in like 2 days is any indication of ticket sales… well, don’t put off buying them, that’s all I’m saying. We cap this sucker, and once all the tickets are gone, that’s it. Don’t get left out.
Oh, and don’t forget… when you buy your tickets, enter the name you want on your badge (and wear that badge at all times!!). If you buy more than one ticket, put a COMMA in between the badge names. And please, this year, can we try to keep those badge names short? I have to typeset them all by hand, and changing font sizes to get “The Wicked Withered Witch of the Great White Western Wasteland” to fit in that little box is a pain in the ass.
I reserve the right to shorten, abbreviate, and just plain old change any name that is too long. So if you want to be “2SeckC4U” for the weekend, go ahead and ignore my plea. ;)
Again, thank you to all of you for your continued support over the years. Ohana has become this amazing, awesome, incredible experience (it really IS more than an event) because of all of you. Because of the Aloha you folks all bring. Its an easy equation… you get out of it what you put into it… but I’m still floored at how much everyone has put into it… and just how cool of a gathering of great people its become. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for that. It humbles me anytime I think about it.
Now, before I get all choked up, go on and get outta here! We’ll see ya on Friday for ticket sales… and then we’ll see ya at the Lake.
Snowpocolypse Kills Server!
How’s that for a fun headline!
I was going to go with some sort of Superbowl Hangover kind of thing, but Snowpocolypse is just so much more fun to say! And it gets even better when you add several exclamation points! Try it…. Snowpocolypse!!!
Anyway…. Aloha everyone! Just a quick message to let you know tickets for Ohana, Luau at the Lake, will not be going on sale today. There is some sort of glitch in the system between the website and the credit card processing place that is still being worked on. I know we work on Island Time so this probably sounds like an excuse for one of the programmers having too much rum…. is there such a thing as too much rum?… but this one totally isn’t our fault. At least I’m pretty sure it’s not our fault. And even if it is I’m still going to blame the credit card elves being on strike because of the Snowpocolypse!.
Stay tuned! We’ll get this sorted out as soon as we can.
OHANA: Tickets and Kick-Off Party and stuff01/30/2015
I’m shot out of a cannon today, so let’s get right to it.
First off, I know. “Straitjackets”. The one and ONLY time I actually use spellcheck, and it bones me on the big band announcement by “correcting” the band’s name. So, that’s over. Grammar, spelling, coherence… its all out the window!! Back to the good old days of my nonsensical ramblings:
Yes, tickets SHOULD be on sale Monday morning at 11.11am. I say “should” because we had to put an update on our merchant account on the intarweb, and the account needs to now be verified again by the credit card people. And even though we started this process at the beginning of the week, as of right now, we can’t verify that the verification of our re-verification has been verified… but we’re hopeful that it will happen before Monday morning at 11.11am. If it doesn’t, I’ll send out an email to all you lovely people on Monday morning, letting you know when tickets can be bought. Sorry for the possible snafu, but I’m still hopeful that all will work out in time. Fingers crossed.
For the TL;DR crowd: If you DON’T hear from me on Monday morning, everything is cool so go ahead and buy your tickets at 11.11am. Otherwise it will be rescheduled in an email you’ll get.
More Ohana bands… err, I mean band!
We are thrilled to have convinced The Outta Sites from sunny Los Angeles to come join us for Ohana!! Their sound is like the brash swinging offspring of The Dave Clark Five and Paul Revere and Raiders; just awesome 50s/60s garage band beats to make you shake your money maker and get the party rocking. Seriously, these guys are flat out amazing and we’re super stoked that they’re making the cross country trek to play for us. Bring your dancing shoes!!
Well, we’ve been to space, fought monsters, gone on a cruise, relived the prom, and traveled back to the 50s to go bowling… and this year we’re going even further back. Waaaaay back further than we’ve ever gone before.
How far back, you ask (knowing I’m to answer regardless)? How about One Million Years, BC? (your mind=blown, right?)
Yes, this year we’re going to start it all off caveman style with a Bedrock-A-Go-Go party on Thursday night.
We’ve got the outrageously talented Neanderthals to perform as we (bed)rock the night away, so you know you’ve got to be there! If you haven’t seen them before, prepare to be clubbed over the head with awesomeness. If you have, I’m sure you’re already chomping at the prehistoric bit to buy those tickets.
Food is included in the ticket price (the same finger foods/gnoshables we usually have… with a prehistoric flair!), and we’ll have prizes for best costume, great drinks (cash bar…bring cash!!), and all the usual shenanigans you’ve come to expect from us. So break out that old sleestack costume, throw on a leopard print loincloth, put a bone in your hair, and get ready to party the way they did 1,000,000 years ago… without the constant threat of carnivorous predators and man-eating plants.
$25 bucks buys ya a ticket in the WABAC machine to join us (What? Only $25!? Yup, that’s right! You can’t beat that with a club!) but tickets are limited so don’t delay… unless I delay you with the Credit Card snafu… then its ok to delay… and to not be upset at the delay. But only in that particular case. In all other cases, delays are bad, m’kay?
Still SOOO much more to tell you about, including the event mug, auction items, merch, room crawl, etc etc. Keep your eyes on your inbox and keep reaching for the stars.
See ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Super Happy Fun Time Announcement01/23/2015
Aloha cats & kittens!!!
Ok, I’m keeping the rambling stream-of-consciousness blather to a minimum on this one because we’ve got some HUGE news for all you Ohana-ites out there in TV land.
First, to reiterate from the last email I sent, tickets go on sale on the website (www.LuauAtTheLake.com )* on Monday, Feb 2nd @ 11.11AM EST.*
We’ve sold out every year, and expect to do the same this year, so don’t delay. S/he who hesitates, masturb….uhhh… doesn’t get a ticket, I mean. So don’t get left holding…errrr… don’t get left out in the cold. Buy your tickets on 2/2/15!!!
Why the hard sell, Bargoyle?
I’m glad you asked, voice-in-my-head!
Because this year, after a few near misses in years past…
well this year we’re thrilled to welcome to Ohana…
for their first time (and hopefully not their last)…
Yes, you read that right, Los Straightjackets will be performing at Ohana, bringing their dizzying array of sonic awesomeness to the Lake to thrill and amaze you.
So yeah, Ohana just got that much more awesomer this year. Boom! goes the dynamite!! (Do the kids still say that? Is that still a thing?)
Mega Huge Kudos and Mahalos to Jet Sterling (our fabulous MC, who is just nailing the bookings this year!) and to the members and management of Los Straightjackets. And of course, to all of you, our loyal attendees. This thing doesn’t happen without you.
So, be sure to go peep the Los Straightjackets website at http://www.straitjackets.com and buy some music and merch to get ya in the mood while we count the days until OHANA: Luau At The Lake.
Much more to come soon (including Kickoff Party info), and as always, we’ll see ya at the lake!!!
OHANA: <Humorous Non Sequitur>01/16/2015
Figured I’d better send a quick update on the goings on for OHANA: Luau At The Lake before I put myself into a beer and greasy food coma this weekend during the playoff games.
So, a few big ones for you today:
#1) TICKETS!!!! You want em. We got em. And they’ll be on sale on Monday, Feb 2nd at ….hmmm… 11:11AM EST (I love our webguy, GooneyBird, but I gotta mess with him.) You know the drill: There are NO tickets at the door; You need to have one to attend; And we sell out every year (seriously, thanks for that. Ohana wouldn’t be anything without your support year after year. You guys and gals rock!) . So set your alarm clocks or i-mabobs to remind you. Its just a few weeks away!!
#1a) And YES Virginia, there IS a kickoff party on the Thursday before the Ohana shenanigans start. We’re still working on those details as the roller rink wouldn’t let us bring in booze, so the 80’s roller-boogie party is out. L I know. Sucko. But maybe it’s a good thing? 200 drunks on tiny little wheels…what could possibly go wrong??? Eh, the backup plan is even better, so get ready to hear all about that super soon.
So anyway, kickoff tix should be up for sale on the 2nd as well, and I promise it’ll be worth your while to get to Lake George a day early. For really reals. I cant spill any beans yet, but you wanna be there.
#2) BANDS!!! Ok, so some of you will buy tickets just ‘cause you’ve come to trust me (poor misguided fools) when I promise you a great tiki-packed weekend. But for those who need convincing, there’s more than just the room crawl, silent auction, cocktails, amazing grounds, contests, freebies, great people, delicious food, and Polynesian show. Yeah, we squeeze bands in there too. And we’ve got two of my all time favorites (and hopefully yours) lined up and ready to go this year.
First off, joining us after a few year hiatus is the one, the only, modern masters of exotica themselves, WAITIKI!!! If you’ve seen them before, you know how awesome that is. If you haven’t, shame on you! I mean, if you haven’t, you are in for one hell of a treat!! There is no shame. There is only Zuul… I mean there is only music. Awesome, amazing, incredible music by some of the finest musicians I know.
And speaking of awesome, amazing, and finest, we’ve also got 9th Wave joining us again. I mean, lets face it, it wouldn’t be Ohana without these folks. They bring the fun, the surf, and the Aloha spirit like no other folks I know. Seriously, take the time to talk and hang with any of them (when they’re NOT on stage performing please) and you’ll see what I mean. Most of you already know. They are my kindred spirits; Kind souls on a journey to spread the joy of music and aloha. And unlike me (I can be a dick sometimes) they’re doing a great job at it!
Ok, its almost 5,30…on a Friday..and I’m at work, so I’m going abruptly wrap this up.
Much more to come soon, including some BIG announcements. Can’t wait to see you all. Have a great weekend, and Go <local sports team>!!!
Aloha and Happy New Year from the Ohana family of events.12/31/2014
Just a quick note to wish you all a safe and Happy New Year! <insert noisemaker sound here>. Looks like I missed the other December holidays, so I hope you and yours had the Meleist of Kalikimakas.
We’ve got MUUUUCH to announce really soon as the whole Ohana Gang is hard at work making sure we bring ya the best possible value for your entertainment dollars. We realize you have a choice in airlines, and want to thank you for flying Ohana Expre… whoa. Sorry. Maybe trying to finish ALL the eggnog before new years eve wasn’t such a good idea?
I’m not sure if that was rum or another nog-lump lodged in my brain (Seriously, this stuff is like drinking pancake batter…with booze!!! ) but I promise to write alllll the emails in 2015 in a serious and sober manner… I also promise to stop lying to you like that in 2015… Ok, maybe that was another lie, but its still 2014, so I can lie about lying, which…double negative…makes it a truth. Confused yet? So am I. I’m gonna go drink more pancakes and let the Ohana South crew holler at ya for a minute. For reals though, love ya, miss ya. Be safe out there, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
-Uncle Flapjack ….errr, I mean Bargoyle
Ohana, Luau at the Lake
June 25 – 28, 2015
Hau’oli Makahiki Hou!
Happy New Year to you and yours and we hope your 2015 is even more fun!
While Uncle Flapj…..sorry, when Bargoyle was sampling the Nog for quality concerns the Ohana South Crew was slacking off under the palm trees taking bets on if that coconut was going to fall today or tomorrow. What? Its hard work trying to stay awake long enough when the warm breeze is blowing through the palm fronds…………………………………………….. Sorry, drifted off for a minute.
Anyway, Bargoyle and the Ohana North team have done an amazing job over the last six years to create an event unlike any other. It really is going to be a tough act to follow but I managed to sneak a copy of his master plan out of his secret headquarters so as soon as this coconut finally falls out of its tree we’ll finally get busy making Ohaha, Luau by the Sea just as spectacular as Ohana, Luau at the Lake continues to be.
Ohana, Luau by the Sea
October 1 – 3, 2015
OHANA: 2015 Dates & Hotel Info!!08/08/2014
Hi Everybody!! I was gonna just write a little hello letter to share my How I Spent My Summer Vacation essay, but I was told you’d rather hear about next year’s Ohana over my reviews of all this summers amazing geek films (Seriously, Godzilla, Guardians of the Galaxy, XMen, Captain America, Planet of the Apes… its been nerdtastic!!!)
So, drumroll please….
Ohana returns to Lake George next year June 26th thru the 28th, 2015. We’ll be having another kickoff party with some killer live music on the 25th, so as usual, if you can come out early, we’ll make it worth your while.
So put in for that time off!!!
I’ve also got hotel info:
You’ll be able to book your reservations at The Tiki Resort starting this coming Wed, Aug 13th at 9:00AM EST.
Please keep in mind that the staff is going to be swamped with calls, so be patient, and be polite. Keep that aloha flowing… they’re doing the best they can. And yes, you need to call them directly and mention the Ohana event to get in. The resort will be closed to the public once again.
Call them at: 518-668-5744, but again, do NOT call before Wed at 9AM.
If you’re interested in hosting a crawl room, we’ve got those attached rooms in the pool building and in the hotel building set aside, so send me an email and we’ll make sure to hook you up with those (again, only if you’re going to host a room).
The Tiki requires a two night deposit when you call, and all rates are for double occupancy yada yada yada. You know the drill by now.
Here’s next years room rates:
2 queens $179
1 queen & sofa $185
We’re also working on overflow hotels already, since you solks sold out the Tiki so fast last year, so even if you don’t get in, you can get on the waiting list and make a backup reservation elsewhere… but for now, get in!! Wait too long, and the rooms are gone!!
Much more info about the whole deal to come soon, but for now, get those dialing fingers ready for Wed AM.
Thanks for the continued support, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!!!!
ps. Seriously, be cool with the staff, and expect some busy signals/long hold times. They love us, but their small staff can only do so much when 300 people call all at once! lol
OHANA: Endless Summer!!!!!07/12/2014
Aloha Cats & Kittens!!!
First, I want to thank you all for attending Ohana: Luau At The Lake this year. Wowie zowie, that was something wasn’t it?? Every year seems to get better and better. Just when I think we’ve hit critical mass, and there’s no way we can top it, you folks come along and make me eat my words.
The room crawl this year!?? Off the damn chain!!! Seriously. HUGE mahalos to all who hosted. That was absolutely mind-blowing. And thanks to all our awesome vendors and volunteers and sponsors and the Arcturians who kept the event safe from the Greys and Reptilians.
For real, I could list off a zillion names to thank here, but I want to keep it brief (Read your Ohana Magazine for a full list of folks who deserve your kudos!).
Ok, next year… we’re still working out a few minor details, but we should have dates to announce in the next couple of weeks. We’ll let you know about booking rooms after we’ve got our dates locked in and everything is good to go. My apologies that this wasn’t set up ahead of time this year like we usually do, but never fear, Ohana will return to Lake George next year!! And we’ve got a new one down in Florida next year as well, so save your pennies!!
“But Bargoyle, what about THIS year?? I can’t wait until next year for all that awesome. I need some of that sweet sweet tiki stuff right now!!!”
Well, you’re in luck voice-in-my-head. I can’t help you RIGHT now, but there ARE more F.O.M. events on the horizon that will help scratch that itch!
The next one up is the Hot Rod Hula Hop, in idyllic Columbus, Ohio.
This is Hop #6, and its happening August 8th and 9th (less than a month away!!) and features the Supersuckers and the Coffin Daggers. Full luau dinner, hot rods, scooters, motorcycles, vendors, cocktails, and all the wild wacky shenanigans you’d expect from any event the Executive Committee is foolish enough to let us run.
And this year is extra special, as the ribbon cutting and dedication of George, the historic monkey fountain from the great Kahiki Supper Club, is happening during the event at the Grass Skirt. Come get your picture taken with George on this momentous occasion in tiki preservation!
Tickets are on sale now (Yes, RIGHT NOW!!) and if you want in on the dinner, you should buy them quick as they’re almost gone!
More info and tickets at http://www.hotrodhulahop.com
The summer is young, and we want to keep this party rolling, so come on out and join us in C-Bus!!!
Also, keep your eyes on your inbox for more info about next year’s Ohana and the return of the NeTT. And if anyone knows a place to get a good tiki drink in Wildwood, NJ, let me know ASAP.
Thanks for all the continued support. You guys and gals just flat out ROCK!!!!
PS. If you’ve got photos from this year’s Ohana, be sure to share them on the FOM’s webpage or on our facebook thingie. I still missed a ton this year and still need to live vicariously through your photos.
OHANA: The Last One (emails I mean, not the event)06/23/2014
Well, this is it folks. A mere few days away from Ohana, and I’ve got a UHaul full of goodies to get to Lake George (I feel like Santa!! And not just because of my bowl full of jelly!) and I’m sure you’re doing all your last minute packing, so I’ll make this (kinda) brief.
Here’s a quick rundown of how it all works (even if you’ve joined us before, give it a quick read), followed by an apology to you (yes, You!)
14 Easy steps to a fun and fruitful Ohana:
1) Check in to your hotel
2) Check in to Ohana (starting at 1pm on Friday).
3) At check in, give the volunteers the EMAIL address you used to buy your tickets.
4) Take the badges out of the envelope they give you, and wear them IMMEDIATELY and CONSTANTLY. Security will hassle you if you don’t have your badge on. Wear it at all times
5) Take the DINNER TICKETS for Saturday out of the envelope and put them somewhere SAFE!! No ticket, no food. Do NOT lose these.
6) If you bought a mug, put the COA in the envelope someplace safe (That’s yours to keep) and take the MUG PICKUP TICKET out and give it to the folks at the merchandise table to get your mug (they’ll be in the bar on Friday; Under the big top on Saturday)
7) Eat the envelope
8) Continue along the line and get your swag bag and TONS of free goodies (see full Uhaul comment above)
9) Get out of the way so the next folks can get their goodies. Keep that line a-movin!!
10) Follow the schedule in Ohana Magazine, on your badge, and in the envelope that you ate in step 7, and have a great time!!
11) During the room crawl, TIP the rooms you visit. They pay for all that décor and booze out of their own pocket. Throw them a buck or two. Spread the aloha, not the asshola.
12) Along those lines, PACE YOURSELF during the room crawl. Drink water. Know your limits. Don’t be the idiot puking in the bushes. We WILL all point and laugh on Saturday. If you’ve over-imbibed, go lay down. Don’t be a dick to other attendees because that demon rum got all up under your skin
13) Bid on some stuff at the Silent Auction
14) MOST IMPORTANT- Buy Bargoyle a drink.
Easy peasy rice and cheesy!!
Now on to that appology:
Ok, one of the things that I LOVE about Ohana is the equality. For this weekend, we ARE all family. There are no newbies (n00bs to you intarweb folks), there are no VIPs. We’re all the same. I buy my ticket just like you do. We’re all there for the same reason. To have a good time and to do something good in the world. And that’s freaking AWESOME!!!
And its why I feel like a jackass that I have to “throw my weight around” (and its getting substantial. Seriously. Fat bargoyle is fat) and pull rank, but there are two instances where I’m going to do it this weekend, and I want to pre-appologize.
First, dinner on Saturday night. Although I usually wait until after everyone has eaten before I go wait in line, I need to get the sound guys fed quick and ready to set up for the Polynesian Show. So, you’ll see me whisking them to the front of the line when dinner is served. This is just because of the timing, and I hope you understand. Anyone else tries to cut the line, you have my permission to throw pennies at them. And I’ll still wait until the end to get my plate of delicious roast pig & fixings.
The other time you’re gonna see me and think “Oh man, what a dick. He thinks he’s King Fart of Turd Mountain” is during the room crawl. I usually wind up with about 45 minutes free for each crawl block, and I LOVE to see what everyone does as far as decorations and themes and drinks, but I need to hit them quick and get back to work, so I cut the lines during the crawl. There, I said it.
I feel like an asshole that I do it. (Seriously… Childhood guilt that I still cant shake.) And I really am sorry. I promise to be quick. I don’t even grab a drink at each room… ok, yes I do, but I don’t necesarrily FINISH the drink I take at each room. I’m on the clock. I cant get drunk until late night!
So, appologies in advance for cutting the sound guys in the food line, and for my own selfish cutting on Friday night. I swear its not because I think I’m special (even if my mommy tells me I am), its just because I really want to see the rooms and don’t have the time.
But it IS partly your fault. You guys make this thing so freaking awesome, I want to see it!! And I’m getting to see more and more, thanks to the help of our generous Volunteers. Thanks to them, more and more is taken off my plate and I play a lesser role in the actual boots on the ground running of the event, and I’m loving it. I think I saw like half of EVERY band last year!!! That was unheard of in prior years. And I cant thank the folks who have picked up all the slack enough. It also means I’m not as burned out, and I guess we’ll keep doing this Ohana thing for awhile if you guys want it.
Cant wait to see you all this year! Safe travels everyone. Vaya con Dio, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Pictorial Awesomesauce06/09/2014
Well, we’re getting down to it now. Down to the wire and much to be done to make sure Ohana rocks your socks once again.
And speaking of rocking, the final band and entertainment line up are on the website, so go peep that when you get a chance, and you can start to plan your day. Don’t forget to carve out some time to go play Mini-Golf and enter the fabulous mini-golf competition!
One of the other awesome events on Saturday is, of course, our Cocktail Contest, sponsored by Longitude! No need to be a “master mixologist”, as long as you’ve got a drink of your own that kicks a little ass, go ahead and give it whirl!! And if you’ve got the time and aren’t entered, go cheer these folks on!! Some of the presentations are absolute art. When a drink makes you want to take pictures of it as much as you want to drink it… well, that’s something special… unless you’re into that. I’ve seen your facebook profiles. You know who you are. Damn foodies, making me hungry all the time with the pics of deliciousness!
Anyway, there are still a couple of openings in the Cocktail Contest, so if you want to take a swing at it, email Kristiki at kristy(dot)bronner(at)gmail(dot)com and she’ll get ya all hooked up
And while we’re talking about ways to spend your day on Ohana Saturday, let me also give you a few ways to spend your money. ;)
As you know, Ohana is a charity event. We keep the ticket price low, just enough to cover costs, so that everyone can come and have a great time without breaking the bank. We try to maximize the aloha per dollar value, and I think we do a pretty good job.
So, how does the event make money for charity if we’re essentially giving the farm away on tickets?
This is our big earner for our EIF donation every year. EVERY penny of winning bids at the auction go directly toward the EIF donation (Same with the mystery drinks!). Sure, if there’s extra money from ticket sales, merch, etc, it goes to the donation as well, but the Auctions are where you help us make a difference in the world AND you get to bring home some cool stuff!!! Win-Win, big time!
I humbly ask that everyone check out the auction and make a bid. It doesn’t have to be a big one. We’re got plenty of small ticket items in there. Bid on CD or a pen or some trinket for $5. If you win, you put $5 right into helping Easter Island, and you take home your prize. Its not a lot to ask. Just be sure to come back at 4pm and see if you won.
If you’ve got deeper pockets than a $5 bid… then oh jeez lousie do we have some stuff for you to drool over…
This year, we’ve got a bunch of VERY cool “big ticket” items for you to bid on.
We’ve got a fantastic collection of art and artifacts directly from Easter Island, donated by the EIF:
If you like your art a little kitschier, we’ve got a long out of print artists proof of “The Big Mug” donated by SHAG (I believe custom framed by SAHG himself) :
(Sorry, I don’t have a photo, but that’s what the print looks like… only bigger… and cooler…and in 3 dimensions)
And not to be outdone, our old pal Squid took this year’s mug and custom glazed half-a-dozen to create some stunning 1 of 1 productions.
You wanna see ‘em? I’m sure you do
I’m calling this one “White Chocolate Explosion”
Where’s the explosion you ask? INSDIE the mug!!
Perhaps you prefer your color on the outside?
Then we’ve also got a collection of mutli-colored mugs, with the glazes painstakingly painted on by hand to create masterpieces like
I know, right??
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!! There are all sorts of amazingly awesome goodies to bid on under the big top, so be sure to stop by during the day on Saturday and place your bids!! And yes, we’ll have machines to take credit cards, so spend now and pay later!!!
Good luck, and Mahalo!!!
And we’ll see ya at the Lake!! Much to do, much to do.
OHANA: Drama, Cocktails, & Mugs!!!05/05/2014
Hola y Feliz Cinco de Mayo!!!!
Well, before you go out and drink your weight in Dos Equis and margaritas tonight (I’ve got to work early tomorrow, so I’m just coming along for the Pinatas!) I figured we should chat about a few things, Spanish Soap Opera Style (note: I translated this all into English just in case you aren’t as fluent in Spanish as I am. Biblioteca!!!).
Juanita!! Get here into the kitchen here and sit down like a lizard?
I need to try to try to make this as painless as possible, but we need to talk. First of all, just know, its not you, its me. Well, ok, kind of you as well. And your secret brother, Rinaldo. I know you’ve been hiding him in the boathouse!! When pa-pa hears of this, surely he will have both of our heads!!
The point is, I’ve done something MUY terrible… I went and sold the last Ohana ticket, and now there’s none left. <sad trombone> I know. I should have saved it for you. And I didn’t. And I feel like the death of a thousand suns.
But I’ll make it better, my dear sweetheart, I promise. Just go to http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php and sign up for the wait list, and if anyone cancels, I’ll get you in. I’m not the same without you. You complete me. You are a piece of mi corozone. Mi Amor. Mi …uhhhh… biblioteca!
Ok, fine, I cant speak Spanish OR write a Soap Opera, but we DID sell out of tickets. So huge mahalos to everyone who bought them, and if you didn’t, get on that wait-list.
Now, lets get on to some new stuff:
Our often imitated, never duplicated, partially sedated, (sometimes x-rated), corn-row braided, parmesan cheese grated, Cocktail Contest is returning again this year, with a few tweaks.
First off, its being sponsored by Longitude in Oakland, California.
What IS Longitude you ask? Well, lemme ‘splain it to ya:
Take one part tiki bar, one part safari, one part world travel, add Suzanne Long (mixologist extraordinaire), a BIG dash of class, and mix with delicious food and drinks, and you’re getting close. “Adventure bar” is the closest term for it, but really there’s nothing like it to compare it to. Think the old Adventurer’s Club from Disney…only with amazing drinks and food. Rumgaloosh!!!
Keep your eye on http://longitudeoakland.com/ for more info, and if you’re in town, or headed out west, it’s a MUST on your list of sights to see.
Now, as far as the contest itself, I proudly present the
Longitude Cocktail Challenge
For those among us who see the wild and exotic as an invitation; for those who leave their homes in the name of exploration; for those who bridge the world we know with the unknown, we propose a challenge: create for us a cocktail that celebrates the Spirit of Adventure! Bring YOUR sense of world exploration to the table and mix for us the very best cocktail we’ve had, and you just might find your cocktail on the menu at Suzanne Long’s brand new bar in Oakland, California, LONGITUDE!
An Invitation to Adventure
Every Good Adventure deserves a Great Cocktail – will you be the one to discover it?
Will you be the
Adventurer to heed the call and bring to the tent a cocktail fit for Kings,
Sheikhs or Emperors? Let the exotic melodies of Bali, the dusty sandy
winds of Egypt, the rich rainforests of Brazil and the deep roar of the African
lion inspire you to mix up tastes from the four corners of the world.
Your cocktail will be judged with the following criteria:
· Taste – Is it delicious? Would the judges order a second one?
· Originality – Drinks must be of your own creation
· Presentation – This means the glassware or vessel, ice, garnish, etc. Singing and dancing are nice, but this is about the cocktail itself. Does it look appealing, smell wonderful, etc?
· Usability – Is it reasonable to serve in a real bar? Is it easy to prepare? Are the ingredients readily available or simple to make from commonly available items?
· Spirit of World Adventure – Does the cocktail instill a sense of wanderlust to the drinker. Do you hear a lion roaring in the distance or the splash of the surf with each sip? Does it remind the imbiber of Ernest Hemingway, Amelia Earhart, Thor Heyerdahl or Karen Blixen? Is a pith helmet recommended headware?
Just as Trader Vic lauded those who were proven to be able to hold their liquor and remain Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Longitude and in this contest ask you to consider the True Spirit of Adventure. True Adventurers exude respect for all around them, and this contest is but one step in a lifelong journey. Be Ladies and Gentlemen, and succeed beyond your wildest dreams.
The contest is open to ALL attendees of Ohana. As usual, you’ll have five (5) minutes to present your drink (No more than FIVE minutes. You WILL be gonged. Please time yourself and plan appropriately), and this year there are more than just bragging rights and a cool trophy on the line!! Email kristy(dot)bronner(at)gmail(dot)com for more details and to enter. And as a tippler, I can’t wait to see what everyone comes up with! Good Luck!!
Cheers! And we’ll see ya at the Lake!
PS. Mugs are also sold out, but its possible we may have a VERY FEW more for sale shortly. We set the website to shut off just short of the 119, in case any break during travel. Well, this year, unknownst to me, Squid made a few extra to cover any breakage, so if ALL of them make it in tact, we may have more than 119 to sell (only 4 or 5 more, but more is more!) and you can possibly get in on one if you missed out. I should be getting them early next week, and I’ll go through them all and see how many we truly have. Email me back if you want on the mug waitlist. But only if you have an Ohana ticket, and did not get a mug. We’ll try to make sure that everyone who wants one can get one. Mahalo!!
OHANA: some stuff... oh, and the mug04/25/2014
Aloha everybody (he said sheepishly)
First, apologies for that last email. I rarely eat candy (or caffeine) and boy was I shot out of a cannon of crazysauce. I promise to stay away from the emails when high-on-sugar in the future. Rum… well that’s a different story. I was also going to promise to start proofreading these emails and using spellcheck, but I’d never straight-up lie to you, so lets just stick with the “not sugar high” thing for now. That’s a check I think you can cash.
Before we get to the new stuff, as usual, lets hawk some tickets!!!
Tickets!! Buy them!!! We’re into single digits of tickets remaining, no BS. Once we’re sold out, that’s it. Too bad, so sad. So don’t be a Sally Sadpants sitting on the sidelines silently seeking sympathy as we’re swinging at the soirée. Buy those tickets now! http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php
And I’ll plug it one last time, the Royer Swizzle Contest. You don’t even need to be coming to Ohana to enter!! Its open to everyone, and its easy peasy rice and cheesy to enter! Make a video, get internet famous, win a custom made swizzle for your home bar. Its just that easy. Email me or Caroline ( Caroline(at)LuauAtTheLake(dot)com ) to get an entry form. If you don’t enter, you can’t win (or be pissed when I win!)
Ok, so lets get on to the one you’ve probably been waiting for …
Yes, our old pal Squid has once again created pure awesomeness using nothing but his hand-skills and brain-thinks. He is a master at his craft, a gentleman, and a scholar. (You think I’ve buttered him up enough? I’m trying to convince him to come out for the event again! Maybe a little more….) Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “Genius” as someone who… too much? Ok, yeah. Too much.
Point is, Squid kicks about 19 kinds of ass, and I’m psyched that once again this year, he’s lent his ass-kicking skills to creating the Ohana mug. So go show the guy some love at www.SquidArt.com . And be sure to bug him about attending this year. Seriously. I’m worried. He’s becoming a hermit. Send him an email and tell him to get his ass to Lake George!
So anyway, this year’s mug is a Papua New Guinea inspired masterpiece. And rather than write about it… a picture is worth a thousand words, right?
Say hello to Big Papua!
And trust me, that pic ain’t nothing compared to seeing him live and in color.
We’ll have more pics (bigger and in higher resolution) on the website shortly, but lets get to the important stuff:
There are ONLY 119 Ohana 2014 event mugs. Why 119? Why not? I like prime numbers, what can I say?
They are ONLY available to Ohana attendees. So, if you’ve bought a ticket, you can buy one!! Just keep in mind that we have 3 times as many attendees as mugs available, and they DO tend to sell out every year, so if you want one, you should pre-purchase him.
“Holy cow Bargoyle, I can pre-purchase one of those amazing mugs?” That’s right magic talking toenail, you sure can. No waiting in line at the event trying to buy one, no stressing about stock running out. You can get it all taken care of ahead of time. Thanks for bringing it up, and now I’ll explain it to the folks at home.
Starting Monday… THIS Monday, 4/28… at 11am EST, there will be a link on the website (www.LuauAtTheLake.com) that goes to the mug purchase page. You’ll have to enter the SAME EMAIL YOU USED TO BUY YOUR OHANA TICKETS when prompted, and our system will see how many tickets you bought, and allow you to purchase that many mugs. One ticket, one mug. Two tickets, two mugs. Three tickets, three mugs. Four tickets, four mugs. You guys get this right? ‘Cause this can go on pretty much to infinity. Infinity tickets, infinity mugs!
When you check in at Ohana, you’ll get a voucher to pick up your mug, and can go snag him anytime the Merchandise table is open during the weekend.
And the even better news… he’s only $50.
Custom carved and glazed, and hand fired by Squid himself… only 119 available in the known universe… only available to you, our amazing attendees… and only $50.
I know. I impress even myself sometimes.
So, Monday, 11am, $50, on the website: www.LuauAtTheLake.com Snag ‘em while ya can.
I love it when you call me Big Papua, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
Aloha Boys & Girls!!
Today’s email is brought to you by the letter C (for crazy) and a belly full of Easter Candy. Really. I mean FULL of candy. I don’t think I’ve eaten anything but Easter candy for the last 30+ hours… or slept.
Seriously, I think I need to go to the hospital.
But before I go… I’ve got a TON of info to get out to you, and rather do it all in one long rambling mind-numbing sugar-induced insane email, I’ve decided to chop it up into Fun-Sized chunks. Like the 63 Snickers eggs that are currently dancing the meringue in my stomach.
So, you’re gonna get a couple emails this week, just giving you fair warning . I promise to not blow up your inbox so much in the future. And hey, one of these emails will be about the mug… is it this one? Read on to find out! (Hint: Its not. But there’s other good stuff. Don’t turn back now!!)
Ok, the usual Housekeeping:
Tickets are just about sold out. About a dozen left, so if you want in, now is the time to move on them!! http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php
Also, we’re still looking for entries into the Royer Swizzle Contest. I shot my video over the weekend using my celphone. (Hey, they aren’t expecting Hollywood-stlye production values folks, and there are cases of FREE Custom Swizzles at stake!!!)
Email me or Caroline (Caroline(at)LuauAtTheLake(dot)com) if you want in. And for reals, you DO want in on this thing. Anyone can do it!! Mine’s just 2 minutes of me twirling a swizzle in my hand in Black & White to bizarre industrial sounds while a parakeet squaks “Royer” backwards (its almost a palindrome!) Its very David Lynchian and I eagerly await videos from all challengers. I realize I’m setting the bar impossibly high, but you should enter anyway.
Ok, and the last part for today, a few band announcements:
Bands!! We’ve got em!!
Well, that was easy.
As always, we’ll see ya at the La…
You want more than that?
Our very own MC and the golden voice of Ohana has been busting his hump booking bands this year, and its all starting to pay off. Seriously, mega mahalos and kudos to Jet for all the hard work. I cant announce everything just yet, but here’s what I can share.
I’m thrilled to announce that joining us again we have the hardest working (and nicest) folks in Surf… 9th Wave. They will be on hand to rock your socks and help you shake what your mama gave ya all weekend long.
And not only are they performing, but they’ll be teaching as well! Want to learn how to Go-Go dance like a pro to the rocking surf sounds of the weekend? They’ve got ya covered.
Hooping Hula a Go-Go will ramp up on Saturday afternoon where you can “Get down and twirl around with The Go-Go Natives (9th Wave dancers)! Join us for a
fun beginner Go-Go dance and hula hoop workshop. No experience necessary. All are welcome! “ ALLLLLL welcome!!! Go to the light… Go into the liiiiiight… Whoa, sorry. The sugar-crazy comes in waves… and speaking of waves, 9th Wave will be joining… oh, I already said that. Dammit! That was a good segue.
Anyway, I expect to see everyone grooving at the workshop, and using the moves you learn for the rest of the day! And I finally have an excuse to wear my go-go boots!
You want more? You got it!! Also joining us again are the Kahiki Serenaders. What can I say about these guys? They are the epitome of awesome. Pure exotica lovingly performed by some of the best musicians in the world. These cats bring it, and I’m super excited they’re able to join us again. Denny, Drasnin, Lyman… All your favorites done up right with a side of Aloha.
“But Bargoyle, that’s just not enough great stuff. You’ve got more right? I need more, because I have an insatiable need for the awesome, like eating an entire bag of miniature-sized Easter candy to the point where your mouth cant even produce saliva its so coated in chocolate and the sugar rush is so intense that everything is starting to look blurry and you’re sure that your heart isn’t supposed to beat this fast” you say?
Well, then you’re in luck. Because we also have The Stolen Idols joining us this year, all the way from Tampa, Florida. If you haven’t seen the Idols before… hooboy are you in for a treat! If you have, well you’re still in for a treat!!! These guys live and breathe Exotica. Seriously, do NOT miss these guys in what I can only assume will be their only Lake George performance this year! ;) I can’t express enough how thrilled we are to have these guys join us this year. I’m not even allowed to talk to them, so we don’t scare them off!! THAT’S how much we revere them!
Ok, much much much more to say, more bands, mugs, contest, and all sorts of super-coolness, but this one is already too long and the flashing lights coming through the window mean my ride to the hospital is here… or I’ve eaten enough sugar to see through time. Either way, I gotta bolt.
Long live the Aloha, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: Taste the fresh in every bite03/22/2014
I was originally going to compose an email called “How I spent my Winter” with a list of awesome amazing things I achieved, and all the cool stuff we’ve been lining up for Ohana… but then I realized the personal side of my list would only be one entry: “Froze my butt off”, so I figured it’d be better to just focus on the spectacular offerings of Ohana. No one wants to hear about my butt again.
So, without further ado, let’s celebrate the return of spring (in name only it appears… Is it EVER going to stop snowing and warm up!?) with a chat about one of my favorite parts of Ohana weekend…
THE ROOM CRAWL!!!!!!!!
Easily one of the highlights of Ohana, and more amazing every year, the room crawl is all about YOU. You folks just keep bringing it!! And of course we’re going to do it again.
For the uninitiated, the room crawl is a round robin, hosted by our guests, on Friday night. They open the doors to their hotel room (often decorated with a theme) and serve a cocktail and/or snacks to all the attendees. Their creativity, generosity, and Aloha know no bounds. Keep in mind that they do this out of the spirit of Aloha (and out of their own pockets!), and they make Friday night the over the top spectacle that it is, so if you visit a room, TIP them, and tip them well!!
If you’re an old veteran who constantly hosts, you have our unending gratitude, and we can’t wait to see what you have in store for us this year!
If you’ve been a crawler, and you think this might be the year to pay back some of that aloha by hosting, that’s double-plus awesome!!! We’d love to have ya, and can’t wait to see what you come up with!
Either way, to host a room you need to get in touch with our Room Crawl Coordinator, Reverend Thumper. Email the Rev at geoffb91(at)gmail(dot)com
And while we’re talking about the crawl, I should mention that long time sponsor Kona Beer will be a part of it again, so expect to see those super cool beer carts making the rounds! Go check them out at www.konabrewingco.com and give ‘em some love on the facepage at www.facebook.com/KonaBrewery
PLUS, our friends at DeadHead Rum are joining us again, and not only are they donating some killer swag for the bags, but they’re also going to host a room as well!! These folks get it. And they’ve got the coolest packaging in the entirety of boozedom. Hit up www.facebook.com/DeadheadRum and give ‘em the thumb and visit them at www.deadheadrum.com to soak up the awesome.
I have MUCH more to talk about, but I’m getting flak about the length of my email ramblings, so we’ll put a pin in it for now…
Except to say: There are just a HANDFUL of kickoff tickets left, and a couple handfuls of Ohana tickets. We’re getting close to sell out, so don’t hesitate, buy those tickets today!!
See ya at the Lake!!!
PS. Don’t forget about the Royer Swizzle Video Contest, where you can win custom made swizzles of your own design!! Email Caroline(at)LuauAtTheLake(dot)com to get more info and an entry form. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you don’t even need to be coming to Ohana to enter!! Don’t let it slip by!! Get cracking on those videos!!
OHANA: More awesome to feast your eye-holes on!!!03/06/2014
Aloha HepCats and HepKittens!
First let me get the usual announcements out of the way, but then I have some HUGE news, so be sure to scroll all the way down.
1) TICKETS – We’ve got about 50 left. You know the drill. When they’re gone, they’re gone. And if you have a room at the Tiki, you STILL need to buy a ticket!!
2) HOTEL – There’s a waiting list at the Tiki. If you’re not on it, get on it!! But be sure to book a room at one of our overflow hotels so you have a backup plan. I can only fit so many of you who wind up roomless in my room, and no sleeping in the tub after last years incident!
3) KICKOFF – Still a handful of tickets for MoonBase Alpha featuring the rip roaring sounds of the Nebulas. Food included, bring your own space-helmet.
Ok. You ready for the news? Oh you think you are, but you’re not. Once again, we’re straddling the line between genius and crazy like a Lithuanian lapdancer, and this time we’ve got some great folks to join us out in the deep end of awesome.
Royer… you know ‘em, you love ‘em. They make our kickass swizzles every year, and have loaded the swag bags with keychains and goodies, and this year they’re going completely off the hook .
Royer has decided to sponsor a contest. The winner of the contest gets a custom made swizzle of your own design absolutely FREE!!!
(Actually you’ll get 2500 of them… one would be too difficult to share at parties.)
Let me say that again for the folks in the cheap seats… That awesome tiki bar you built in your basement or porch or back deck… the one you named and had a big party to christen it… you can get a custom swizzle, with your logo, name, skulls, flames, flying monkeys, or whatever you want on it, simply by winning the Royer Swizzle Challenge!!
So, what do you have to do to enter, you ask excitedly? Easy peasy rice and cheesy my friends…
Simply make a video (no longer than 2 minutes) featuring Royer products. Any of the swizzles or cocktail picks they’ve made are acceptable. Go hit up www.royercorp.com or visit them on Facepage at https://www.facebook.com/RoyerCorp (and hit that LIKE button!) for inspiration and to bask in the sheer awesomocity of their work.
You can make your video funny or serious or somewhere in between. Extol the wonders of Royer’s swizzles expert aerodynamics and their superior cocktail swizzling prowess (with charts and graphs!), or their use in cooking to spear delicious spam slices to pesky pineapples, or use them in construction as you build a scale model of Abe Lincoln’s log cabin out of swizzles from Frankie’s Tiki Room. The sky is the limit. Anything you want, just feature Royer’s amazing stuff!
To enter, you’ll want to get in touch with our own Princess Pupule via email at Caroline (at) LuauAtTheLake (dot) com, and all submissions become the property of Royer for them to use as they see fit (Hey, you might go viral and become internet famous!).
Entries must be received by midnight on 05/15/14.
The winner will be announced during Ohana this year, but need not be present to win…although that’ll be a bummer if you win and then you’re not even there.
Tell you what, if you win and you’re not there, I’ll accept the prize on your behalf… and I’ll even design it for you (What can I say, I’m a giver.) I’m picturing a big Lono with gargoyle wings…a “Bargoyle” if you will. C’mon, that sounds like the coolest swizzle ever, right? Hmmm… that DOES sound like a pretty cool swizzle… I think I have to enter this thing! Am I allowed to enter?
Ok folks…ummmm… nevermind all that stuff above. Forget I said anything. Mine will be the only entry and therefore the defacto winner, so all you creative awesome people just, you know, throw it neutral until the contest is over.
I keed, I keed. Enter early, enter often, and good luck to you all.
And as always, we’ll see ya at the Lake!
OHANA: tickets...on the moon!!!01/27/2014
Just a friendly reminder that Ohana tickets go on sale TOMORROW at 10.22AM. at www.LuauAtTheLake.com.
Again, tickets WILL sell out, so its better to buy yours sooner rather than later, just sayin’.
These are for OHANA: Luau At The Lake, in kitschy Lake George, NY this year. 6/27-6/29.
NOT OHANA: Luau By The Sea that will spring to life next year in south Florida. Tickets tomorrow are also NOT for Luau IN the Sea at secret oceanic base SL13 located on the sea floor in the Bermuda Triangle, nor Luau In The Snow up at Ice Station Zebra by the polar icecaps, nor Luau On The Moon at Moonbase Alpha. Those are all separately ticketed events.
No friends, tomorrow is Lake George’s time to shine in the spotlight, and we hope you can join us for the usual weekend of sheer amesomocity that we’ve got planned.
Oh, and in addition to Ohana: Luau At The Lake tickets, our kickoff party event (Thursday night 6/26/14) will be on sale tomorrow as well. $25 for an evening stuffed full of food, fun, and freakery; if you can join us a day early, its time well spent!
And you probably want to know what you’re in for if you come out Thursday, right?
Ok, I kind of lied up above, as the kickoff party is indeed going to take place on Moonbase Alpha.
What is Moonbase Alpha, you ask (knowing full well I’m going to tell you anyway, but humoring me because we’re cool like that)?
Well, even we’re not sure. We know it was built on the bottom of the moon, sometime in the last century, using misappropriated funds from a grant from the Children’s Television Workshop. Is it a secret James Bond super-villain lair? A shelter from the impending dangers of Y2K (Hey, it was built last century, remember?) An attempt to colonize the moon and cultivate the cheese therein? A top-secret cold war government listening station? An intergalactic bar and grill for alien tourists on their way to abduct our earthly livestock? Buck Roger’s vacation home?
I think its all that and more, so be sure to dress to impress in your best space gear as worlds collide… in Spaaaaaaaaace!!!
Live music from the far corners of the cosmos will delight your ears while intergalactic delicacies tickle your ribs and cocktails that are “out of this world!” dissolve your brain… in a good way!
It will be onsite again this year, and we promise to have the pneumatic airlocks working properly to jettison all attendees to Moonbase Alpha safe and sound. Getting back? Well, that’s a bit trickier, but we’ll try to have at least one tech stay sober enough to work the controls.
As always, it will be great time, so if you CAN get out early, you should. More details to come. And don’t forget to buy those tickets!!!
Mahalo for your continued support, much more to talk about really soon, and we’ll see you ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!
OHANA: ticket info...plus a second Ohana!?!?!01/14/2014
I hope the new year finds everyone safe and sound, and hopefully above single digit temperatures at last! Perhaps the memories of Ohana past and the threat…errr, promise, of Ohana future will keep you warm. No? How about a Hot Toddy? Not doing it huh? Ok fine, you can turn on the space heater, but only for 20 minutes and make sure that door is shut tight! We’re not paying to heat the outdoors!
So, Ohana. What news have I about Ohana? Glad you asked. Big news actually!
First, Ohana tickets will be on sale during the last week of January…lets say, Tuesday the Twenty-Eighth at 10:22AM, because I like alliteration.
Tickets this year will be $90 each, and that’s still an ALL INCLUSIVE ticket. Yes, that includes dinner on Saturday night, the Polynesian show, access to the vendors, the silent auction, games, all the bands, the room crawl, amazing swag bags, and all the late night/mid-day/early morning shenanigans you’ve come to expect, plus a few surprises.
And YES we’re doing a Thursday kickoff event again this year but we’re still putting the final touches on that, so I don’t have a price point yet (but it’ll be cheap again and chock full of food, drinks, music and awesome), so if you can get out a day early, I promise to make it worth your while. Have I ever let you down yet? Don’t answer that! I’m happy in my bubble of denial.
Ok, so a quick recap… tickets.. $90, includes everything, 1/28/14 10.22am EST on the website (http://www.LuauAtTheLake.com)
Kickoff hopefully for sale at the same time, probably in the $20 to $30 area, more info to come on that front VERY soon. VERY VERY soon.
And remember, the event WILL and DOES sell out. Just having a room at the Tiki does NOT get you into Ohana. You need a ticket, and unfortunately we can only accommodate so many people, so be sure to buy yours early!!
Which leads me to the other big news….
We’d love for OHANA: Luau At the Lake to be bigger, but the venue can only hold so many people. We hate turning folks away every year. It makes me feel bad, and it effects the money we raise for the Easter Island Foundation (Don’t forget, Ohana is for charity!). And while I wish we could have Ohana every weekend as some have suggested, just to make sure everyone gets a chance to enjoy it… well, that would kill me. Plus, I’m crazy, but not THAT crazy!
So, as a compromise, we’ve decided to add a SECOND annual OHANA, starting Spring of 2015. This will allow more folks to experience the wacky awesome aloha that you guys bring, raise more money for charity, and keep the party going just a little longer each year. That’s just full of win!!
Yeah, you read that right. Starting spring of 2015, OHANA: Luau By The Sea will launch in beautiful, bright, sunny South Florida.
We’re already hard at work on it and will have more details to release soon.
I think we’ve already got a facepage and everything set up, so you can follow the developments there ( https://www.facebook.com/OhanaSea ), or you can always join the discussion over at the F.O.M. by visiting us at http://www.fraternalorderofmoai.org
As always, I can’t thank you enough for your continued support, and we’ll see ya at the Lake! (And next year, by the Sea as well!!!)
ps. Just in case it wasn’t clear, we’re talking about TWO Ohanas every year starting 2015. We’re still going to do our Lake George thing at the Tiki every year until we wear out our welcome. Who loves ya?
OHANA: Merry New Years!!!12/16/2013
Aloha from the frozen tundra of the northeast!!
A couple quick things I forgot to mention with the last email.
#1 Tickets should be on sale by the end of January, so keep your eyes on your email inbox or on our facepage for updates there. We’re going to keep attendance capped again, so be sure to buy your tickets early so you don’t get shut out. Oh, and a reminder, just having a hotel room does NOT get you entrance to the event. You need tickets as well.
#2 Tickets will be around the same price this year. We’re doing our best to hold the prices down. They’ll be sub $100 for sure, and they will be all inclusive again, including the meal on Saturday night. We’re also working on making that a little more “traditional Hawaiian” for next year. We used a new company this past year, and while the feedback on the food was VERY positive, I think we need to make it clear that we’re a Luau, not a BBQ Pig Roast. Lol.
#3 Not only have you already sold out the Tiki Resort, but we’ve got sponsors jumping on board to be part of the awesome-sauce again as well!! DeadHead, who’s rum was featured in the cocktails and helped with the amazing kick off party is back on board to make Ohana even more over the top next year. We love these guys! They totally “get it” and that rum has got to have the coolest bottle, ever!
Oh, and have you seen the glasses & pitcher Tiki Farm did for them?
OK, I’m probably biased because I really like The Pizz’s work, but holy crap, check this out!!
Limited edition, so if you want a set, better act fast!
Also, if you were looking for a Christmas idea for me, better order soon to make sure I get that sucker by the holiday. Just saying.
For real though, here’s more info right from DeadHead:
Deadhead Rum is proud to present you with our brand new Classic Cocktail Set. Designed for us by notorious lowbrow artist The Pizz and manufactured for us by world famous Tiki Farm, our cocktail set includes an oversized pitcher featuring hand-etched and hand-stained Deadhead Rum art as well as 2 accompanying hand-etched and hand-stained martini-style inspired mugs plus each set comes with an oversized swizzle stir stick to mix up your libation of choice. **
The pitcher measures an impressive 9 1/2” in height and has a 28 oz. capacity and each mug measures 4 3/8” in height and has a 4 oz. capacity. Manufactured in Guadalajara, Mexico in high quality, high temperature fired ceramic stoneware, this beautiful set is both microwave and dishwasher safe. With a total run of just 1,000 sets, each set comes individually boxed in a high quality tuck top box with signed and numbered commemorative art on the cover signed by Deadhead Rum founder and creative genius, Kim Brandi.
Ok, I’ll leave ya alone until after the new year. Hope everyone has a great holiday. Get crazy, but stay safe, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!!
OHANA: Luau At The Lake 201412/04/2013
Yeah I called you a pilgrim… I meant to send this before Thanksgiving, but there was just too much food to be prepared and devoured… so anyway, now that I’m out of my turkey induced coma and about 30 pounds heavier, I’m back with tidings of good news and my usual nonsense!!!
First off, we’re doing this OHANA thing again next year. If you were with us, you probably got a save the date postcard in your Swag Bag, and indeed, we’ve already completely booked the Tiki Resort once again. WHAT!?!?!? Already?!? You folks are awesome and mental, in the best of ways.
As usual, if you didn’t get a room at the Tiki, all hope is not lost. You can call them and get on the wait list, and we’ve got the usual overflow hotels; although I’m going to work with a couple more of the local “mom & pop” joints for those who like that retro flavor, so keep your eyes on the inbox for announcements soon if you want to roll Ohana retro style.
If you didn’t get a save the date, then make a note to SAVE THIS DATE: June 26-29th, 2014. The new website is up, and it will fill out as we get everything locked down. I hope you’ll join us again (or for the first time) and help make what is consistently my favorite weekend of the year just that more awesome.
And speaking of the awesomeness that is you…
Look at what you did…again!!!!
Sweet mother of Batman, you managed to outdo yourselves again!!! We even added a THIRD scholarship this year, thanks to your attendance and generosity at the Silent Auction and Mystery Drink Auction.
You guys humble me to the point of almost being speechless…. Almost. I can ramble on. It takes a lot to de-speechify me.
But for reals, a HUGE Mahalo from the bottom of my heart to all of our attendees, volunteers, sponsors, vendors, hosts… it doesn’t happen without you. And this past year it happened in a big big way. You folks rock!!
Anyway, I promise to only bug you maybe once more before the New Year, so I hope everyone is safe, sound, and happy through the holiday season.
May all of your Kalikimaka’s be Mele. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think there’s still some leftover pie that needs eating… not sure if its Grasshopper Pie, or just moldy, but we’ll find out soon enough.
F.O.M. & Ohana Luau at the Lake Announce 2013 EIF Donation11/04/2013
The F.O.M. is happy to announce our 2013 EIF Donation. An extra-spectacular Ohana in 2013 has allowed the F.O.M. the increase our donation this year & establish a THIRD FOM Scholarship to be given to a student from the island of Rapa Nui!
Maururu to all who have helped make this happen through enjoying the Ohana Luau at the Lake event, volunteering, & donations of your time, talents, art & collectibles to Ohana and the Silent Auction!! And thank you to all who have bid & bought at the Ohana Silent and our annual Mystery Bowl Auction, too, which have helped make this donation possible. It all truly makes a big difference!
You can read more HERE: 2013 FOM EIF Donation Announcement
A Big, BIG MAHALO to you ALL!!!!!!!
& Now onto Ohana Luau at the Lake 2014 – See You At The Lake!!
MORE on Ohana 2014 Here: www.LuauAtTheLake.com