News and Announcements

• OHANA: Endless Summer!!!!!

  07/12/2014

  Aloha Cats & Kittens!!!

  First, I want to thank you all for attending Ohana: Luau At The Lake this year. Wowie zowie, that was something wasn’t it?? Every year seems to get better and better. Just when I think we’ve hit critical mass, and there’s no way we can top it, you folks come along and make me eat my words.

  The room crawl this year!?? Off the damn chain!!! Seriously. HUGE mahalos to all who hosted. That was absolutely mind-blowing. And thanks to all our awesome vendors and volunteers and sponsors and the Arcturians who kept the event safe from the Greys and Reptilians.

  For real, I could list off a zillion names to thank here, but I want to keep it brief (Read your Ohana Magazine for a full list of folks who deserve your kudos!).

  Ok, next year… we’re still working out a few minor details, but we should have dates to announce in the next couple of weeks. We’ll let you know about booking rooms after we’ve got our dates locked in and everything is good to go. My apologies that this wasn’t set up ahead of time this year like we usually do, but never fear, Ohana will return to Lake George next year!! And we’ve got a new one down in Florida next year as well, so save your pennies!!

  “But Bargoyle, what about THIS year?? I can’t wait until next year for all that awesome. I need some of that sweet sweet tiki stuff right now!!!”

  Well, you’re in luck voice-in-my-head. I can’t help you RIGHT now, but there ARE more F.O.M. events on the horizon that will help scratch that itch!

  The next one up is the Hot Rod Hula Hop, in idyllic Columbus, Ohio.

  This is Hop #6, and its happening August 8th and 9th (less than a month away!!) and features the Supersuckers and the Coffin Daggers. Full luau dinner, hot rods, scooters, motorcycles, vendors, cocktails, and all the wild wacky shenanigans you’d expect from any event the Executive Committee is foolish enough to let us run.

  And this year is extra special, as the ribbon cutting and dedication of George, the historic monkey fountain from the great Kahiki Supper Club, is happening during the event at the Grass Skirt. Come get your picture taken with George on this momentous occasion in tiki preservation!

  Tickets are on sale now (Yes, RIGHT NOW!!) and if you want in on the dinner, you should buy them quick as they’re almost gone!

  More info and tickets at http://www.hotrodhulahop.com

  The summer is young, and we want to keep this party rolling, so come on out and join us in C-Bus!!!

  Also, keep your eyes on your inbox for more info about next year’s Ohana and the return of the NeTT. And if anyone knows a place to get a good tiki drink in Wildwood, NJ, let me know ASAP.

  Thanks for all the continued support. You guys and gals just flat out ROCK!!!!

  -Bargoyle

  PS. If you’ve got photos from this year’s Ohana, be sure to share them on the FOM’s webpage or on our facebook thingie. I still missed a ton this year and still need to live vicariously through your photos.

• OHANA: The Last One (emails I mean, not the event)

  06/23/2014

  Alooooooooooooooha!!!

  Well, this is it folks. A mere few days away from Ohana, and I’ve got a UHaul full of goodies to get to Lake George (I feel like Santa!! And not just because of my bowl full of jelly!) and I’m sure you’re doing all your last minute packing, so I’ll make this (kinda) brief.

  Here’s a quick rundown of how it all works (even if you’ve joined us before, give it a quick read), followed by an apology to you (yes, You!)

  14 Easy steps to a fun and fruitful Ohana:

  1) Check in to your hotel
  2) Check in to Ohana (starting at 1pm on Friday).
  3) At check in, give the volunteers the EMAIL address you used to buy your tickets.
  4) Take the badges out of the envelope they give you, and wear them IMMEDIATELY and CONSTANTLY. Security will hassle you if you don’t have your badge on. Wear it at all times
  5) Take the DINNER TICKETS for Saturday out of the envelope and put them somewhere SAFE!! No ticket, no food. Do NOT lose these.
  6) If you bought a mug, put the COA in the envelope someplace safe (That’s yours to keep) and take the MUG PICKUP TICKET out and give it to the folks at the merchandise table to get your mug (they’ll be in the bar on Friday; Under the big top on Saturday)
  7) Eat the envelope
  8) Continue along the line and get your swag bag and TONS of free goodies (see full Uhaul comment above)
  9) Get out of the way so the next folks can get their goodies. Keep that line a-movin!!
  10) Follow the schedule in Ohana Magazine, on your badge, and in the envelope that you ate in step 7, and have a great time!!
  11) During the room crawl, TIP the rooms you visit. They pay for all that décor and booze out of their own pocket. Throw them a buck or two. Spread the aloha, not the asshola.
  12) Along those lines, PACE YOURSELF during the room crawl. Drink water. Know your limits. Don’t be the idiot puking in the bushes. We WILL all point and laugh on Saturday. If you’ve over-imbibed, go lay down. Don’t be a dick to other attendees because that demon rum got all up under your skin
  13) Bid on some stuff at the Silent Auction
  14) MOST IMPORTANT- Buy Bargoyle a drink.

  Easy peasy rice and cheesy!!

  Now on to that appology:

  Ok, one of the things that I LOVE about Ohana is the equality. For this weekend, we ARE all family. There are no newbies (n00bs to you intarweb folks), there are no VIPs. We’re all the same. I buy my ticket just like you do. We’re all there for the same reason. To have a good time and to do something good in the world. And that’s freaking AWESOME!!!

  And its why I feel like a jackass that I have to “throw my weight around” (and its getting substantial. Seriously. Fat bargoyle is fat) and pull rank, but there are two instances where I’m going to do it this weekend, and I want to pre-appologize.

  First, dinner on Saturday night. Although I usually wait until after everyone has eaten before I go wait in line, I need to get the sound guys fed quick and ready to set up for the Polynesian Show. So, you’ll see me whisking them to the front of the line when dinner is served. This is just because of the timing, and I hope you understand. Anyone else tries to cut the line, you have my permission to throw pennies at them. And I’ll still wait until the end to get my plate of delicious roast pig & fixings.

  The other time you’re gonna see me and think “Oh man, what a dick. He thinks he’s King Fart of Turd Mountain” is during the room crawl. I usually wind up with about 45 minutes free for each crawl block, and I LOVE to see what everyone does as far as decorations and themes and drinks, but I need to hit them quick and get back to work, so I cut the lines during the crawl. There, I said it.

  I feel like an asshole that I do it. (Seriously… Childhood guilt that I still cant shake.) And I really am sorry. I promise to be quick. I don’t even grab a drink at each room… ok, yes I do, but I don’t necesarrily FINISH the drink I take at each room. I’m on the clock. I cant get drunk until late night!

  So, appologies in advance for cutting the sound guys in the food line, and for my own selfish cutting on Friday night. I swear its not because I think I’m special (even if my mommy tells me I am), its just because I really want to see the rooms and don’t have the time.

  But it IS partly your fault. You guys make this thing so freaking awesome, I want to see it!! And I’m getting to see more and more, thanks to the help of our generous Volunteers. Thanks to them, more and more is taken off my plate and I play a lesser role in the actual boots on the ground running of the event, and I’m loving it. I think I saw like half of EVERY band last year!!! That was unheard of in prior years. And I cant thank the folks who have picked up all the slack enough. It also means I’m not as burned out, and I guess we’ll keep doing this Ohana thing for awhile if you guys want it.

  Cant wait to see you all this year! Safe travels everyone. Vaya con Dio, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!

  -Bargoyle

• OHANA: Pictorial Awesomesauce

  06/09/2014

  Aloha Everybody!!!!!

  Well, we’re getting down to it now. Down to the wire and much to be done to make sure Ohana rocks your socks once again.

  And speaking of rocking, the final band and entertainment line up are on the website, so go peep that when you get a chance, and you can start to plan your day. Don’t forget to carve out some time to go play Mini-Golf and enter the fabulous mini-golf competition!

  One of the other awesome events on Saturday is, of course, our Cocktail Contest, sponsored by Longitude! No need to be a “master mixologist”, as long as you’ve got a drink of your own that kicks a little ass, go ahead and give it whirl!! And if you’ve got the time and aren’t entered, go cheer these folks on!! Some of the presentations are absolute art. When a drink makes you want to take pictures of it as much as you want to drink it… well, that’s something special… unless you’re into that. I’ve seen your facebook profiles. You know who you are. Damn foodies, making me hungry all the time with the pics of deliciousness!

  Anyway, there are still a couple of openings in the Cocktail Contest, so if you want to take a swing at it, email Kristiki at kristy(dot)bronner(at)gmail(dot)com and she’ll get ya all hooked up

  And while we’re talking about ways to spend your day on Ohana Saturday, let me also give you a few ways to spend your money. ;)

  As you know, Ohana is a charity event. We keep the ticket price low, just enough to cover costs, so that everyone can come and have a great time without breaking the bank. We try to maximize the aloha per dollar value, and I think we do a pretty good job.

  So, how does the event make money for charity if we’re essentially giving the farm away on tickets?

  Two Words:

  SILENT AUCTION

  This is our big earner for our EIF donation every year. EVERY penny of winning bids at the auction go directly toward the EIF donation (Same with the mystery drinks!). Sure, if there’s extra money from ticket sales, merch, etc, it goes to the donation as well, but the Auctions are where you help us make a difference in the world AND you get to bring home some cool stuff!!! Win-Win, big time!

  I humbly ask that everyone check out the auction and make a bid. It doesn’t have to be a big one. We’re got plenty of small ticket items in there. Bid on CD or a pen or some trinket for $5. If you win, you put $5 right into helping Easter Island, and you take home your prize. Its not a lot to ask. Just be sure to come back at 4pm and see if you won.

  If you’ve got deeper pockets than a $5 bid… then oh jeez lousie do we have some stuff for you to drool over…

  This year, we’ve got a bunch of VERY cool “big ticket” items for you to bid on.

  We’ve got a fantastic collection of art and artifacts directly from Easter Island, donated by the EIF:

  

  If you like your art a little kitschier, we’ve got a long out of print artists proof of “The Big Mug” donated by SHAG (I believe custom framed by SAHG himself) :

  
  (Sorry, I don’t have a photo, but that’s what the print looks like… only bigger… and cooler…and in 3 dimensions)

  And not to be outdone, our old pal Squid took this year’s mug and custom glazed half-a-dozen to create some stunning 1 of 1 productions.

  You wanna see ‘em? I’m sure you do

  I’m calling this one “White Chocolate Explosion”

  

  Where’s the explosion you ask? INSDIE the mug!!

  BOOM!!!

  

  Perhaps you prefer your color on the outside?

  Then we’ve also got a collection of mutli-colored mugs, with the glazes painstakingly painted on by hand to create masterpieces like

  “Winkin”

  

  “Blinkin”

  

  And “Nod”

  

  I know, right??

  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!! There are all sorts of amazingly awesome goodies to bid on under the big top, so be sure to stop by during the day on Saturday and place your bids!! And yes, we’ll have machines to take credit cards, so spend now and pay later!!!

  Good luck, and Mahalo!!!

  And we’ll see ya at the Lake!! Much to do, much to do.

  -bargoyle

• OHANA: Drama, Cocktails, & Mugs!!!

  05/05/2014

  Hola y Feliz Cinco de Mayo!!!!

  Well, before you go out and drink your weight in Dos Equis and margaritas tonight (I’ve got to work early tomorrow, so I’m just coming along for the Pinatas!) I figured we should chat about a few things, Spanish Soap Opera Style (note: I translated this all into English just in case you aren’t as fluent in Spanish as I am. Biblioteca!!!).

  Juanita!! Get here into the kitchen here and sit down like a lizard?

  I need to try to try to make this as painless as possible, but we need to talk. First of all, just know, its not you, its me. Well, ok, kind of you as well. And your secret brother, Rinaldo. I know you’ve been hiding him in the boathouse!! When pa-pa hears of this, surely he will have both of our heads!!

  The point is, I’ve done something MUY terrible… I went and sold the last Ohana ticket, and now there’s none left. <sad trombone> I know. I should have saved it for you. And I didn’t. And I feel like the death of a thousand suns.

  But I’ll make it better, my dear sweetheart, I promise. Just go to http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php and sign up for the wait list, and if anyone cancels, I’ll get you in. I’m not the same without you. You complete me. You are a piece of mi corozone. Mi Amor. Mi …uhhhh… biblioteca!

  /Scene

  Ok, fine, I cant speak Spanish OR write a Soap Opera, but we DID sell out of tickets. So huge mahalos to everyone who bought them, and if you didn’t, get on that wait-list.

  Now, lets get on to some new stuff:

  Our often imitated, never duplicated, partially sedated, (sometimes x-rated), corn-row braided, parmesan cheese grated, Cocktail Contest is returning again this year, with a few tweaks.

  First off, its being sponsored by Longitude in Oakland, California.

  What IS Longitude you ask? Well, lemme ‘splain it to ya:

  Take one part tiki bar, one part safari, one part world travel, add Suzanne Long (mixologist extraordinaire), a BIG dash of class, and mix with delicious food and drinks, and you’re getting close. “Adventure bar” is the closest term for it, but really there’s nothing like it to compare it to. Think the old Adventurer’s Club from Disney…only with amazing drinks and food. Rumgaloosh!!!

  Keep your eye on http://longitudeoakland.com/ for more info, and if you’re in town, or headed out west, it’s a MUST on your list of sights to see.

  Now, as far as the contest itself, I proudly present the

  Longitude Cocktail Challenge
  For those among us who see the wild and exotic as an invitation; for those who leave their homes in the name of exploration; for those who bridge the world we know with the unknown, we propose a challenge: create for us a cocktail that celebrates the Spirit of Adventure! Bring YOUR sense of world exploration to the table and mix for us the very best cocktail we’ve had, and you just might find your cocktail on the menu at Suzanne Long’s brand new bar in Oakland, California, LONGITUDE!

  An Invitation to Adventure

  Every Good Adventure deserves a Great Cocktail – will you be the one to discover it?

  Will you be the
  Adventurer to heed the call and bring to the tent a cocktail fit for Kings,
  Sheikhs or Emperors? Let the exotic melodies of Bali, the dusty sandy
  winds of Egypt, the rich rainforests of Brazil and the deep roar of the African
  lion inspire you to mix up tastes from the four corners of the world.

  Your cocktail will be judged with the following criteria:

  · Taste – Is it delicious? Would the judges order a second one?
  · Originality – Drinks must be of your own creation
  · Presentation – This means the glassware or vessel, ice, garnish, etc. Singing and dancing are nice, but this is about the cocktail itself. Does it look appealing, smell wonderful, etc?
  · Usability – Is it reasonable to serve in a real bar? Is it easy to prepare? Are the ingredients readily available or simple to make from commonly available items?
  · Spirit of World Adventure – Does the cocktail instill a sense of wanderlust to the drinker. Do you hear a lion roaring in the distance or the splash of the surf with each sip? Does it remind the imbiber of Ernest Hemingway, Amelia Earhart, Thor Heyerdahl or Karen Blixen? Is a pith helmet recommended headware?

  Just as Trader Vic lauded those who were proven to be able to hold their liquor and remain Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Longitude and in this contest ask you to consider the True Spirit of Adventure. True Adventurers exude respect for all around them, and this contest is but one step in a lifelong journey. Be Ladies and Gentlemen, and succeed beyond your wildest dreams.

  The contest is open to ALL attendees of Ohana. As usual, you’ll have five (5) minutes to present your drink (No more than FIVE minutes. You WILL be gonged. Please time yourself and plan appropriately), and this year there are more than just bragging rights and a cool trophy on the line!! Email kristy(dot)bronner(at)gmail(dot)com for more details and to enter. And as a tippler, I can’t wait to see what everyone comes up with! Good Luck!!

  Cheers! And we’ll see ya at the Lake!

  -Bargoyle

  PS. Mugs are also sold out, but its possible we may have a VERY FEW more for sale shortly. We set the website to shut off just short of the 119, in case any break during travel. Well, this year, unknownst to me, Squid made a few extra to cover any breakage, so if ALL of them make it in tact, we may have more than 119 to sell (only 4 or 5 more, but more is more!) and you can possibly get in on one if you missed out. I should be getting them early next week, and I’ll go through them all and see how many we truly have. Email me back if you want on the mug waitlist. But only if you have an Ohana ticket, and did not get a mug. We’ll try to make sure that everyone who wants one can get one. Mahalo!!

• OHANA: some stuff... oh, and the mug

  04/25/2014

  Aloha everybody (he said sheepishly)

  First, apologies for that last email. I rarely eat candy (or caffeine) and boy was I shot out of a cannon of crazysauce. I promise to stay away from the emails when high-on-sugar in the future. Rum… well that’s a different story. I was also going to promise to start proofreading these emails and using spellcheck, but I’d never straight-up lie to you, so lets just stick with the “not sugar high” thing for now. That’s a check I think you can cash.

  Before we get to the new stuff, as usual, lets hawk some tickets!!!

  Tickets!! Buy them!!! We’re into single digits of tickets remaining, no BS. Once we’re sold out, that’s it. Too bad, so sad. So don’t be a Sally Sadpants sitting on the sidelines silently seeking sympathy as we’re swinging at the soirée. Buy those tickets now! http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php

  And I’ll plug it one last time, the Royer Swizzle Contest. You don’t even need to be coming to Ohana to enter!! Its open to everyone, and its easy peasy rice and cheesy to enter! Make a video, get internet famous, win a custom made swizzle for your home bar. Its just that easy. Email me or Caroline ( Caroline(at)LuauAtTheLake(dot)com ) to get an entry form. If you don’t enter, you can’t win (or be pissed when I win!)

  Ok, so lets get on to the one you’ve probably been waiting for …

  The MUG!!!!!

  Yes, our old pal Squid has once again created pure awesomeness using nothing but his hand-skills and brain-thinks. He is a master at his craft, a gentleman, and a scholar. (You think I’ve buttered him up enough? I’m trying to convince him to come out for the event again! Maybe a little more….) Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “Genius” as someone who… too much? Ok, yeah. Too much.

  Point is, Squid kicks about 19 kinds of ass, and I’m psyched that once again this year, he’s lent his ass-kicking skills to creating the Ohana mug. So go show the guy some love at www.SquidArt.com . And be sure to bug him about attending this year. Seriously. I’m worried. He’s becoming a hermit. Send him an email and tell him to get his ass to Lake George!

  So anyway, this year’s mug is a Papua New Guinea inspired masterpiece. And rather than write about it… a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

  Boom!!!

  

  Say hello to Big Papua!

  And trust me, that pic ain’t nothing compared to seeing him live and in color.

  We’ll have more pics (bigger and in higher resolution) on the website shortly, but lets get to the important stuff:

  There are ONLY 119 Ohana 2014 event mugs. Why 119? Why not? I like prime numbers, what can I say?

  They are ONLY available to Ohana attendees. So, if you’ve bought a ticket, you can buy one!! Just keep in mind that we have 3 times as many attendees as mugs available, and they DO tend to sell out every year, so if you want one, you should pre-purchase him.

  “Holy cow Bargoyle, I can pre-purchase one of those amazing mugs?” That’s right magic talking toenail, you sure can. No waiting in line at the event trying to buy one, no stressing about stock running out. You can get it all taken care of ahead of time. Thanks for bringing it up, and now I’ll explain it to the folks at home.

  Starting Monday… THIS Monday, 4/28… at 11am EST, there will be a link on the website (www.LuauAtTheLake.com) that goes to the mug purchase page. You’ll have to enter the SAME EMAIL YOU USED TO BUY YOUR OHANA TICKETS when prompted, and our system will see how many tickets you bought, and allow you to purchase that many mugs. One ticket, one mug. Two tickets, two mugs. Three tickets, three mugs. Four tickets, four mugs. You guys get this right? ‘Cause this can go on pretty much to infinity. Infinity tickets, infinity mugs!

  When you check in at Ohana, you’ll get a voucher to pick up your mug, and can go snag him anytime the Merchandise table is open during the weekend.

  And the even better news… he’s only $50.

  Custom carved and glazed, and hand fired by Squid himself… only 119 available in the known universe… only available to you, our amazing attendees… and only $50.

  I know. I impress even myself sometimes.

  So, Monday, 11am, $50, on the website: www.LuauAtTheLake.com Snag ‘em while ya can.

  I love it when you call me Big Papua, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!

  -Bargoyle

• OHANA: No....more....candy....

  04/21/2014

  Aloha Boys & Girls!!

  Today’s email is brought to you by the letter C (for crazy) and a belly full of Easter Candy. Really. I mean FULL of candy. I don’t think I’ve eaten anything but Easter candy for the last 30+ hours… or slept.

  Seriously, I think I need to go to the hospital.

  But before I go… I’ve got a TON of info to get out to you, and rather do it all in one long rambling mind-numbing sugar-induced insane email, I’ve decided to chop it up into Fun-Sized chunks. Like the 63 Snickers eggs that are currently dancing the meringue in my stomach.

  So, you’re gonna get a couple emails this week, just giving you fair warning . I promise to not blow up your inbox so much in the future. And hey, one of these emails will be about the mug… is it this one? Read on to find out! (Hint: Its not. But there’s other good stuff. Don’t turn back now!!)

  Ok, the usual Housekeeping:

  Tickets are just about sold out. About a dozen left, so if you want in, now is the time to move on them!! http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/ohana/tickets.php

  Also, we’re still looking for entries into the Royer Swizzle Contest. I shot my video over the weekend using my celphone. (Hey, they aren’t expecting Hollywood-stlye production values folks, and there are cases of FREE Custom Swizzles at stake!!!)

  Email me or Caroline (Caroline(at)LuauAtTheLake(dot)com) if you want in. And for reals, you DO want in on this thing. Anyone can do it!! Mine’s just 2 minutes of me twirling a swizzle in my hand in Black & White to bizarre industrial sounds while a parakeet squaks “Royer” backwards (its almost a palindrome!) Its very David Lynchian and I eagerly await videos from all challengers. I realize I’m setting the bar impossibly high, but you should enter anyway.

  Ok, and the last part for today, a few band announcements:

  Bands!! We’ve got em!!

  Well, that was easy.

  As always, we’ll see ya at the La…

  Huh? …

  You want more than that?

  Ok, fine.

  Our very own MC and the golden voice of Ohana has been busting his hump booking bands this year, and its all starting to pay off. Seriously, mega mahalos and kudos to Jet for all the hard work. I cant announce everything just yet, but here’s what I can share.

  I’m thrilled to announce that joining us again we have the hardest working (and nicest) folks in Surf… 9th Wave. They will be on hand to rock your socks and help you shake what your mama gave ya all weekend long.

  And not only are they performing, but they’ll be teaching as well! Want to learn how to Go-Go dance like a pro to the rocking surf sounds of the weekend? They’ve got ya covered.

  Hooping Hula a Go-Go will ramp up on Saturday afternoon where you can “Get down and twirl around with The Go-Go Natives (9th Wave dancers)! Join us for a
  fun beginner Go-Go dance and hula hoop workshop. No experience necessary. All are welcome! “ ALLLLLL welcome!!! Go to the light… Go into the liiiiiight… Whoa, sorry. The sugar-crazy comes in waves… and speaking of waves, 9th Wave will be joining… oh, I already said that. Dammit! That was a good segue.

  Anyway, I expect to see everyone grooving at the workshop, and using the moves you learn for the rest of the day! And I finally have an excuse to wear my go-go boots!

  You want more? You got it!! Also joining us again are the Kahiki Serenaders. What can I say about these guys? They are the epitome of awesome. Pure exotica lovingly performed by some of the best musicians in the world. These cats bring it, and I’m super excited they’re able to join us again. Denny, Drasnin, Lyman… All your favorites done up right with a side of Aloha.

  “But Bargoyle, that’s just not enough great stuff. You’ve got more right? I need more, because I have an insatiable need for the awesome, like eating an entire bag of miniature-sized Easter candy to the point where your mouth cant even produce saliva its so coated in chocolate and the sugar rush is so intense that everything is starting to look blurry and you’re sure that your heart isn’t supposed to beat this fast” you say?

  Well, then you’re in luck. Because we also have The Stolen Idols joining us this year, all the way from Tampa, Florida. If you haven’t seen the Idols before… hooboy are you in for a treat! If you have, well you’re still in for a treat!!! These guys live and breathe Exotica. Seriously, do NOT miss these guys in what I can only assume will be their only Lake George performance this year! ;) I can’t express enough how thrilled we are to have these guys join us this year. I’m not even allowed to talk to them, so we don’t scare them off!! THAT’S how much we revere them!

  Ok, much much much more to say, more bands, mugs, contest, and all sorts of super-coolness, but this one is already too long and the flashing lights coming through the window mean my ride to the hospital is here… or I’ve eaten enough sugar to see through time. Either way, I gotta bolt.

  Long live the Aloha, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!

  Bargoyle

• OHANA: Taste the fresh in every bite

  03/22/2014

  AloooooooooooooooooHA!!!!!

  I was originally going to compose an email called “How I spent my Winter” with a list of awesome amazing things I achieved, and all the cool stuff we’ve been lining up for Ohana… but then I realized the personal side of my list would only be one entry: “Froze my butt off”, so I figured it’d be better to just focus on the spectacular offerings of Ohana. No one wants to hear about my butt again.

  So, without further ado, let’s celebrate the return of spring (in name only it appears… Is it EVER going to stop snowing and warm up!?) with a chat about one of my favorite parts of Ohana weekend…

  THE ROOM CRAWL!!!!!!!!

  Easily one of the highlights of Ohana, and more amazing every year, the room crawl is all about YOU. You folks just keep bringing it!! And of course we’re going to do it again.

  For the uninitiated, the room crawl is a round robin, hosted by our guests, on Friday night. They open the doors to their hotel room (often decorated with a theme) and serve a cocktail and/or snacks to all the attendees. Their creativity, generosity, and Aloha know no bounds. Keep in mind that they do this out of the spirit of Aloha (and out of their own pockets!), and they make Friday night the over the top spectacle that it is, so if you visit a room, TIP them, and tip them well!!

  If you’re an old veteran who constantly hosts, you have our unending gratitude, and we can’t wait to see what you have in store for us this year!

  If you’ve been a crawler, and you think this might be the year to pay back some of that aloha by hosting, that’s double-plus awesome!!! We’d love to have ya, and can’t wait to see what you come up with!

  Either way, to host a room you need to get in touch with our Room Crawl Coordinator, Reverend Thumper. Email the Rev at geoffb91(at)gmail(dot)com

  And while we’re talking about the crawl, I should mention that long time sponsor Kona Beer will be a part of it again, so expect to see those super cool beer carts making the rounds! Go check them out at www.konabrewingco.com and give ‘em some love on the facepage at www.facebook.com/KonaBrewery

  PLUS, our friends at DeadHead Rum are joining us again, and not only are they donating some killer swag for the bags, but they’re also going to host a room as well!! These folks get it. And they’ve got the coolest packaging in the entirety of boozedom. Hit up www.facebook.com/DeadheadRum and give ‘em the thumb and visit them at www.deadheadrum.com to soak up the awesome.

  I have MUCH more to talk about, but I’m getting flak about the length of my email ramblings, so we’ll put a pin in it for now…

  Except to say: There are just a HANDFUL of kickoff tickets left, and a couple handfuls of Ohana tickets. We’re getting close to sell out, so don’t hesitate, buy those tickets today!!

  See ya at the Lake!!!

  -Bargoyle

  PS. Don’t forget about the Royer Swizzle Video Contest, where you can win custom made swizzles of your own design!! Email Caroline(at)LuauAtTheLake(dot)com to get more info and an entry form. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you don’t even need to be coming to Ohana to enter!! Don’t let it slip by!! Get cracking on those videos!!

• OHANA: More awesome to feast your eye-holes on!!!

  03/06/2014

  Aloha HepCats and HepKittens!

  First let me get the usual announcements out of the way, but then I have some HUGE news, so be sure to scroll all the way down.

  1) TICKETS – We’ve got about 50 left. You know the drill. When they’re gone, they’re gone. And if you have a room at the Tiki, you STILL need to buy a ticket!!
  2) HOTEL – There’s a waiting list at the Tiki. If you’re not on it, get on it!! But be sure to book a room at one of our overflow hotels so you have a backup plan. I can only fit so many of you who wind up roomless in my room, and no sleeping in the tub after last years incident!
  3) KICKOFF – Still a handful of tickets for MoonBase Alpha featuring the rip roaring sounds of the Nebulas. Food included, bring your own space-helmet.

  Ok. You ready for the news? Oh you think you are, but you’re not. Once again, we’re straddling the line between genius and crazy like a Lithuanian lapdancer, and this time we’ve got some great folks to join us out in the deep end of awesome.

  Royer… you know ‘em, you love ‘em. They make our kickass swizzles every year, and have loaded the swag bags with keychains and goodies, and this year they’re going completely off the hook .

  Royer has decided to sponsor a contest. The winner of the contest gets a custom made swizzle of your own design absolutely FREE!!!

  (Actually you’ll get 2500 of them… one would be too difficult to share at parties.)

  Let me say that again for the folks in the cheap seats… That awesome tiki bar you built in your basement or porch or back deck… the one you named and had a big party to christen it… you can get a custom swizzle, with your logo, name, skulls, flames, flying monkeys, or whatever you want on it, simply by winning the Royer Swizzle Challenge!!

  So, what do you have to do to enter, you ask excitedly? Easy peasy rice and cheesy my friends…

  Simply make a video (no longer than 2 minutes) featuring Royer products. Any of the swizzles or cocktail picks they’ve made are acceptable. Go hit up www.royercorp.com or visit them on Facepage at https://www.facebook.com/RoyerCorp (and hit that LIKE button!) for inspiration and to bask in the sheer awesomocity of their work.

  You can make your video funny or serious or somewhere in between. Extol the wonders of Royer’s swizzles expert aerodynamics and their superior cocktail swizzling prowess (with charts and graphs!), or their use in cooking to spear delicious spam slices to pesky pineapples, or use them in construction as you build a scale model of Abe Lincoln’s log cabin out of swizzles from Frankie’s Tiki Room. The sky is the limit. Anything you want, just feature Royer’s amazing stuff!

  To enter, you’ll want to get in touch with our own Princess Pupule via email at Caroline (at) LuauAtTheLake (dot) com, and all submissions become the property of Royer for them to use as they see fit (Hey, you might go viral and become internet famous!).

  Entries must be received by midnight on 05/15/14.

  The winner will be announced during Ohana this year, but need not be present to win…although that’ll be a bummer if you win and then you’re not even there.

  Tell you what, if you win and you’re not there, I’ll accept the prize on your behalf… and I’ll even design it for you (What can I say, I’m a giver.) I’m picturing a big Lono with gargoyle wings…a “Bargoyle” if you will. C’mon, that sounds like the coolest swizzle ever, right? Hmmm… that DOES sound like a pretty cool swizzle… I think I have to enter this thing! Am I allowed to enter?

  I am!?

  Ok folks…ummmm… nevermind all that stuff above. Forget I said anything. Mine will be the only entry and therefore the defacto winner, so all you creative awesome people just, you know, throw it neutral until the contest is over.

  I keed, I keed. Enter early, enter often, and good luck to you all.

  And as always, we’ll see ya at the Lake!

  -bargoyle

• OHANA: tickets...on the moon!!!

  01/27/2014

  Aloha everybody!

  Just a friendly reminder that Ohana tickets go on sale TOMORROW at 10.22AM. at www.LuauAtTheLake.com.

  Again, tickets WILL sell out, so its better to buy yours sooner rather than later, just sayin’.

  These are for OHANA: Luau At The Lake, in kitschy Lake George, NY this year. 6/27-6/29.

  NOT OHANA: Luau By The Sea that will spring to life next year in south Florida. Tickets tomorrow are also NOT for Luau IN the Sea at secret oceanic base SL13 located on the sea floor in the Bermuda Triangle, nor Luau In The Snow up at Ice Station Zebra by the polar icecaps, nor Luau On The Moon at Moonbase Alpha. Those are all separately ticketed events.

  No friends, tomorrow is Lake George’s time to shine in the spotlight, and we hope you can join us for the usual weekend of sheer amesomocity that we’ve got planned.

  Oh, and in addition to Ohana: Luau At The Lake tickets, our kickoff party event (Thursday night 6/26/14) will be on sale tomorrow as well. $25 for an evening stuffed full of food, fun, and freakery; if you can join us a day early, its time well spent!

  And you probably want to know what you’re in for if you come out Thursday, right?

  Ok, I kind of lied up above, as the kickoff party is indeed going to take place on Moonbase Alpha.

  What is Moonbase Alpha, you ask (knowing full well I’m going to tell you anyway, but humoring me because we’re cool like that)?

  Well, even we’re not sure. We know it was built on the bottom of the moon, sometime in the last century, using misappropriated funds from a grant from the Children’s Television Workshop. Is it a secret James Bond super-villain lair? A shelter from the impending dangers of Y2K (Hey, it was built last century, remember?) An attempt to colonize the moon and cultivate the cheese therein? A top-secret cold war government listening station? An intergalactic bar and grill for alien tourists on their way to abduct our earthly livestock? Buck Roger’s vacation home?

  I think its all that and more, so be sure to dress to impress in your best space gear as worlds collide… in Spaaaaaaaaace!!!

  Live music from the far corners of the cosmos will delight your ears while intergalactic delicacies tickle your ribs and cocktails that are “out of this world!” dissolve your brain… in a good way!

  It will be onsite again this year, and we promise to have the pneumatic airlocks working properly to jettison all attendees to Moonbase Alpha safe and sound. Getting back? Well, that’s a bit trickier, but we’ll try to have at least one tech stay sober enough to work the controls.

  As always, it will be great time, so if you CAN get out early, you should. More details to come. And don’t forget to buy those tickets!!!

  Mahalo for your continued support, much more to talk about really soon, and we’ll see you ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!

  -Bargoyle

• OHANA: ticket info...plus a second Ohana!?!?!

  01/14/2014

  AloooooooooooooooooHA!!!

  I hope the new year finds everyone safe and sound, and hopefully above single digit temperatures at last! Perhaps the memories of Ohana past and the threat…errr, promise, of Ohana future will keep you warm. No? How about a Hot Toddy? Not doing it huh? Ok fine, you can turn on the space heater, but only for 20 minutes and make sure that door is shut tight! We’re not paying to heat the outdoors!

  So, Ohana. What news have I about Ohana? Glad you asked. Big news actually!

  First, Ohana tickets will be on sale during the last week of January…lets say, Tuesday the Twenty-Eighth at 10:22AM, because I like alliteration.

  Tickets this year will be $90 each, and that’s still an ALL INCLUSIVE ticket. Yes, that includes dinner on Saturday night, the Polynesian show, access to the vendors, the silent auction, games, all the bands, the room crawl, amazing swag bags, and all the late night/mid-day/early morning shenanigans you’ve come to expect, plus a few surprises.

  And YES we’re doing a Thursday kickoff event again this year but we’re still putting the final touches on that, so I don’t have a price point yet (but it’ll be cheap again and chock full of food, drinks, music and awesome), so if you can get out a day early, I promise to make it worth your while. Have I ever let you down yet? Don’t answer that! I’m happy in my bubble of denial.

  Ok, so a quick recap… tickets.. $90, includes everything, 1/28/14 10.22am EST on the website (http://www.LuauAtTheLake.com)

  Kickoff hopefully for sale at the same time, probably in the $20 to $30 area, more info to come on that front VERY soon. VERY VERY soon.

  And remember, the event WILL and DOES sell out. Just having a room at the Tiki does NOT get you into Ohana. You need a ticket, and unfortunately we can only accommodate so many people, so be sure to buy yours early!!

  Which leads me to the other big news….

  We’d love for OHANA: Luau At the Lake to be bigger, but the venue can only hold so many people. We hate turning folks away every year. It makes me feel bad, and it effects the money we raise for the Easter Island Foundation (Don’t forget, Ohana is for charity!). And while I wish we could have Ohana every weekend as some have suggested, just to make sure everyone gets a chance to enjoy it… well, that would kill me. Plus, I’m crazy, but not THAT crazy!

  So, as a compromise, we’ve decided to add a SECOND annual OHANA, starting Spring of 2015. This will allow more folks to experience the wacky awesome aloha that you guys bring, raise more money for charity, and keep the party going just a little longer each year. That’s just full of win!!

  Yeah, you read that right. Starting spring of 2015, OHANA: Luau By The Sea will launch in beautiful, bright, sunny South Florida.

  

  We’re already hard at work on it and will have more details to release soon.

  I think we’ve already got a facepage and everything set up, so you can follow the developments there ( https://www.facebook.com/OhanaSea ), or you can always join the discussion over at the F.O.M. by visiting us at http://www.fraternalorderofmoai.org

  As always, I can’t thank you enough for your continued support, and we’ll see ya at the Lake! (And next year, by the Sea as well!!!)

  -Bargoyle
  http://www.LuauAtTheLake.com

  ps. Just in case it wasn’t clear, we’re talking about TWO Ohanas every year starting 2015. We’re still going to do our Lake George thing at the Tiki every year until we wear out our welcome. Who loves ya?

• OHANA: Merry New Years!!!

  12/16/2013

  Aloha from the frozen tundra of the northeast!!

  A couple quick things I forgot to mention with the last email.

  #1 Tickets should be on sale by the end of January, so keep your eyes on your email inbox or on our facepage for updates there. We’re going to keep attendance capped again, so be sure to buy your tickets early so you don’t get shut out. Oh, and a reminder, just having a hotel room does NOT get you entrance to the event. You need tickets as well.

  #2 Tickets will be around the same price this year. We’re doing our best to hold the prices down. They’ll be sub $100 for sure, and they will be all inclusive again, including the meal on Saturday night. We’re also working on making that a little more “traditional Hawaiian” for next year. We used a new company this past year, and while the feedback on the food was VERY positive, I think we need to make it clear that we’re a Luau, not a BBQ Pig Roast. Lol.

  #3 Not only have you already sold out the Tiki Resort, but we’ve got sponsors jumping on board to be part of the awesome-sauce again as well!! DeadHead, who’s rum was featured in the cocktails and helped with the amazing kick off party is back on board to make Ohana even more over the top next year. We love these guys! They totally “get it” and that rum has got to have the coolest bottle, ever!

  Oh, and have you seen the glasses & pitcher Tiki Farm did for them?

  OK, I’m probably biased because I really like The Pizz’s work, but holy crap, check this out!!

  

  Limited edition, so if you want a set, better act fast!

  Also, if you were looking for a Christmas idea for me, better order soon to make sure I get that sucker by the holiday. Just saying.

  For real though, here’s more info right from DeadHead:

  Deadhead Rum is proud to present you with our brand new Classic Cocktail Set. Designed for us by notorious lowbrow artist The Pizz and manufactured for us by world famous Tiki Farm, our cocktail set includes an oversized pitcher featuring hand-etched and hand-stained Deadhead Rum art as well as 2 accompanying hand-etched and hand-stained martini-style inspired mugs plus each set comes with an oversized swizzle stir stick to mix up your libation of choice. **
  The pitcher measures an impressive 9 1/2” in height and has a 28 oz. capacity and each mug measures 4 3/8” in height and has a 4 oz. capacity. Manufactured in Guadalajara, Mexico in high quality, high temperature fired ceramic stoneware, this beautiful set is both microwave and dishwasher safe. With a total run of just 1,000 sets, each set comes individually boxed in a high quality tuck top box with signed and numbered commemorative art on the cover signed by Deadhead Rum founder and creative genius, Kim Brandi.

  http://store.iconicbrandsinc.com/deadhead-rum-limited-edition-classic-cocktail-set/

  Ok, I’ll leave ya alone until after the new year. Hope everyone has a great holiday. Get crazy, but stay safe, and we’ll see ya at the Lake!!

  -bargoyle

• OHANA: Luau At The Lake 2014

  12/04/2013

  Aloha Pilgrims!!!

  Yeah I called you a pilgrim… I meant to send this before Thanksgiving, but there was just too much food to be prepared and devoured… so anyway, now that I’m out of my turkey induced coma and about 30 pounds heavier, I’m back with tidings of good news and my usual nonsense!!!

  First off, we’re doing this OHANA thing again next year. If you were with us, you probably got a save the date postcard in your Swag Bag, and indeed, we’ve already completely booked the Tiki Resort once again. WHAT!?!?!? Already?!? You folks are awesome and mental, in the best of ways.

  As usual, if you didn’t get a room at the Tiki, all hope is not lost. You can call them and get on the wait list, and we’ve got the usual overflow hotels; although I’m going to work with a couple more of the local “mom & pop” joints for those who like that retro flavor, so keep your eyes on the inbox for announcements soon if you want to roll Ohana retro style.

  If you didn’t get a save the date, then make a note to SAVE THIS DATE: June 26-29th, 2014. The new website is up, and it will fill out as we get everything locked down. I hope you’ll join us again (or for the first time) and help make what is consistently my favorite weekend of the year just that more awesome.

  And speaking of the awesomeness that is you…

  Look at what you did…again!!!!

  http://www.fraternalorderofmoai.org/news/index.php/2013/11/04/fom-sends-2013-donation-to-eif

  Sweet mother of Batman, you managed to outdo yourselves again!!! We even added a THIRD scholarship this year, thanks to your attendance and generosity at the Silent Auction and Mystery Drink Auction.

  You guys humble me to the point of almost being speechless…. Almost. I can ramble on. It takes a lot to de-speechify me.

  But for reals, a HUGE Mahalo from the bottom of my heart to all of our attendees, volunteers, sponsors, vendors, hosts… it doesn’t happen without you. And this past year it happened in a big big way. You folks rock!!

  Anyway, I promise to only bug you maybe once more before the New Year, so I hope everyone is safe, sound, and happy through the holiday season.

  May all of your Kalikimaka’s be Mele. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think there’s still some leftover pie that needs eating… not sure if its Grasshopper Pie, or just moldy, but we’ll find out soon enough.

  -Bargoyle

• F.O.M. & Ohana Luau at the Lake Announce 2013 EIF Donation

  11/04/2013

  Iorana!

  The F.O.M. is happy to announce our 2013 EIF Donation. An extra-spectacular Ohana in 2013 has allowed the F.O.M. the increase our donation this year & establish a THIRD FOM Scholarship to be given to a student from the island of Rapa Nui!

  Maururu to all who have helped make this happen through enjoying the Ohana Luau at the Lake event, volunteering, & donations of your time, talents, art & collectibles to Ohana and the Silent Auction!! And thank you to all who have bid & bought at the Ohana Silent and our annual Mystery Bowl Auction, too, which have helped make this donation possible. It all truly makes a big difference!

  You can read more HERE: 2013 FOM EIF Donation Announcement

  A Big, BIG MAHALO to you ALL!!!!!!!

  & Now onto Ohana Luau at the Lake 2014 – See You At The Lake!!

  MORE on Ohana 2014 Here: www.LuauAtTheLake.com