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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2021 4:02 pm 
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Initiate Moai Ra'e
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Personal Statement: Just Go With The Flow!
Aloha Ohana!

I have been to enough tiki bars to discover they seem a bit like a Cobb salad: some of the basics like lettuce and cheese (and even the type is debated), but then it is a free-for-all on the remainder of ingredients.
So it seems with a tiki bar. The basics: bamboo, masks, alcohol (natch), but then theming runs the spectrum. Don't misunderstand what I am getting at here (it is possible I may not even know what I am getting at) as I have NEVER stepped into a tiki bar or something that felt remotely like a tiki bar and didn't immediately feel at home.

So, the question is: can a tiki bar be a tiki bar in name as long as it has some basics, such as the afore-mentioned? Can it be maritime themed, aquatic themed, island themed, shipwreck themed, mismatched?
I thought I knew what a tiki bar looked like, but I seem to know better what one should FEEL like.

Now I open the floor to you:
Looking for thoughts, insights, impressions, opinions & photos if you can share them.

Mahalo!

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2021 5:07 pm 
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Matato'a
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RonaldFox wrote:
I have been to enough tiki bars to discover they seem a bit like a Cobb salad: some of the basics like lettuce and cheese


You hit the nail right on the head.
A good tiki bar is exactly like a Cobb Salad.
It should have lettuce, tomato, hard boiled eggs, and bacon.

Now for me personally, I also like fresh bleu cheese and avocado...although the back and forth debate on "good fats" versus "bad fats" as it pertains to avocados as of late is enough to make your head spin like you've had too much rum.
Which is something else your Cobb Salad Tiki Bar needs.
Rum.
And lots of it.
And speaking of eggs, Chip of Chip and Andy Gumbo Limbo Chapter fame was bragging about his Deviled Eggs recently.
https://www.fraternalorderofmoai.org/huimalu/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=24331&p=438708#p438708
...But noooooooooooooo thank you.
Deviled eggs are just the worst. I honestly don't understand why anyone would ever eat whipped eggs served in eggs.
Gastrointestinal distress aside, that just seems like a bad idea.

But I digress...
Red onions are also a nice addition.
Some people sprinkle a little garlic powder, but I think that's overkill.

Also, you're gonna need something heavy duty to squeeze limes.
Don't cheap out and get that thing my girlfriend uses.
This ridiculous piece of garbage...

Image

I mean, honesty. This is just sad and makes me angry more than it makes fresh lime juice.

Anyway, I'll tell you what you don't need.
You don't need Malört or Hummel figurines.
No sir. That's just something nobody needs.

But I'm getting off track...sorry.....you know what, can I change my answer?
I think I'll have the Wedge Salad instead.
Dressing on the side.
Thanks.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2021 5:38 pm 
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Oh man, now you've started...Are the eggs necessary? I mean, come on, they're like the puffer fish lamps of tiki bars. Nice to look at, terrible smelling and tasting (probably). Some bars have them and some don't.....Because they're not bacon. Bacon are the limes of tiki bars!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2021 5:57 pm 
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Honui Moai
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Personal Statement: I'm pro-metric.
An Easter Island / Easter Bunny hybrid tiki bar would definitely be interesting. You could get those cheap plastic eggs, and put mini bottles of booze in them, and hide them around the bar. Oh the ideas!!!

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2021 6:46 pm 
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Honui Moai
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All silliness aside, I've been on the home bar tiki bar tours in metro Atlanta for Inuhele. It's interesting to see each person's take on a home tiki bar. For some, it can be quite elaborate - lots of thatch, bamboo, tapa cloth. Lighting that syncs up with music. One home bar, even had animatronics, and a white tiger that jumped out at you on the way to the leaky tiki room. I've also seen some tiki bars, that are the generic kind you can find online, but are jazzed up a bit with Party City tiki décor.

I try not to judge too much. We all have our different take on tiki.

As for my home tiki bar....that's been on the sidelines for over a decade. My 1968 split level had a wet bar at one point. Someone took it out, leaving a pipe sticking out of the floor. I knitted a cozy for the pipe. The plan, was to add a bar, but other house projects like a new sewer pipe, carport roof, etc got in the way. I did find a vintage stand alone bar at an antique store, that fits into the spot. It works for now. The bar is mostly for storage and a place to put mail.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2021 6:49 pm 
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Honui Moai
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Deviled eggs are the twice baked potato or potato skins of the party.

But they don't go with a Waldorf salad.

You should go with a potato salad, since it can have bacon, and paprika!

Poo Poo doats and pee pee doats and dingus lamzy divey. I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 8:25 am 
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Personal Statement: LIGHTS OUT!
While we are on it....White Cheddar Cheez-Its pair well with many cocktails. Maoli and Princess Pupule will back me up on this.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:02 am 
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Honui Moai
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Tiki Vee wrote:
RonaldFox wrote:
I have been to enough tiki bars to discover they seem a bit like a Cobb salad: some of the basics like lettuce and cheese


You hit the nail right on the head.
A good tiki bar is exactly like a Cobb Salad.
It should have lettuce, tomato, hard boiled eggs, and bacon.


Vee, you are obviously wrong.

A good tiki bar is nothing like a random mix of supermarket vegetables served in a disorderly arrangement. The wedge salad you mentioned later in your well organized analysis, while not exactly like a good tiki bar, is a better example.

A salad nicoise, with a softer egg, or a Spanish style salad with chickpeas and anchovies are both exactly like a good tiki bar. A german cold cream cucumber with bacon salad is almost like a good tiki bar, but more like one that you would find on the gulf coast.

Clearly, a cobb salad is more like an Applebees Mai Tai. You should travel more.



Poo Poo doats and pee pee doats and dingus lamzy divey. I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:36 am 
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Matato'a
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foredeckape wrote:
Clearly, a cobb salad is more like an Applebees Mai Tai.


Well...La-Dee-Fucking-Dah.
Look who's all pinky up, nose in the air, top hat and tails.

Hey everyone look....it's Arthur Bach.
Should I draw you a bath?
Perhaps you would like me to come in there and wash your dick for you, you little shit.

I'll have you know Applebees, aside from providing good hard working Americans with delicious dining options at a price point that won't break the bank, makes an exceptional Mai Tai.
Everyone is all horny for Trader Vics..."Oh is that Plantation Xaymaca Special Dry? I only drink Black Tot Finest Caribbean. If it's not Liber & Co. it's just not Orgeat"
Pppppfffffftttttt...sideways haircut uppity snobs. The lot of you.

Get a pint glass, fill it with ice. 2 oz of Malibu Rum, 1 oz of Goslings Black Seal, splash of Orange juice, splash of Pineapple juice, mix well. Floater of Maraschino syrup. Top with an orange wheel and a cherry if you're feeling tropical. Boom. Done. Down the hatch.
I can pound 4 of them before you've even made your first "authentic" Mai Tai.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:37 am 
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Initiate Moai Ra'e
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I am going to give you a real answer, and leave the produce to the Salad Sisters (do NOT Google them).

A tiki bar is meant to be a personal escape. It should conjure somewhere else that you would rather be. That's it. Five people walk into the same tiki bar, and they are transported to five different locales. Tiki decoration, music, and vibes should probably be vaguely tropical, vaguely nautical, usually dark and mysterious. It may be Caribbean, Pacific, or pirate. But the entire theme is to not pinpoint a specific place or time. Let the individual be transported to their own paradise.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:54 am 
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Honui Moai
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Personal Statement: Ouch!
I don't need this working class hero crap. I haven't been counting mint leaves all of my life, and I haven't had to pass basic seamanship in a long time. You are as wrong as a plate of vegan liver & onions at a Methodist picnic.

While you have a spot on good recipe for a Mai Tai (stolen, no doubt). The problem is that the pro behind the stick at Applebees is free pouring, and the balance can be off by the time you order your third pint. It is like the cob salad where everything is willie this and nillie that. Do they use sliced beets, or 2 gherkins? No one can decide, and they let wait staff make it up as they go. Just like a chef's salad is the better dining experience, the 1/2 yard Mai Tai is the only choice. Ask anyone who's ever published a book about mooring mechanics and properties of corrosion in marine structures, and they will tell you: volume and dilution is the way to go.

If I know anything about what makes a good tiki bar from watching Bridgerton, it's not to shy away from Imperial fetishism, to dive in and order deviled eggs when they are on the menu, and to always pass the butter to the left hand side.

Turbo is right. You are wrong. Don't pass up boxed agricole.

Poo Poo doats and pee pee doats and dingus lamzy divey. I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:17 pm 
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Matato'a
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foredeckape wrote:
Imperial fetishism


This is getting out of hand.
The guy was asking about Tiki Bar decor and now you're bringing your sexual peccadilloes into the conversation.
Look Doug, whatever you do behind closed doors, be it Imperial, Rebel Alliance, Mandalorian...whatever, is your business.
You want to dress up as a Stormtrooper and bullseye womp rats, that's fine.
But the rest of us don't need to hear about your Sarlacc pit and whatever it is you're shoving in there.

Back to the subject at Han.

He definitely shot first.
Forget all this ridiculous Disney PC nonsense.
I saw the original Star Wars in the theater in 1977.
And in that version Han shot first and there was an extended orgy scene with like 6 Wookies.
It looked like a bunch of puppies on a waterbed covered with a shag carpet.
And everyone smoked Newports.

Get Woke - Go Broke.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:42 pm 
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Honui Moai
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Personal Statement: Ouch!
Hey Vee, Ron opened the floor. Don't try to cancel me.

We all know that Han shot first, and I saw it in the same theater as I saw Jessica 6's tits on the big screen. Good, old fashioned, analog film. None this PC digital Disney rewriting of the record. There is no doubt that the rebels represent lawless disorder and would have been processed with rest of the refuse if it were not for the safety interlocks in the space station's system.

There is no doubt that you have been radicalized like Luke by religious zealots. Your view of what makes a good tiki bar is wrong. Since your books have only been published as "print on demand," clearly, even though your observations regarding the criminal character Han Solo are correct, your publisher must agree with me that an order of deviled eggs pairs best with a jet pilot.

Poo Poo doats and pee pee doats and dingus lamzy divey. I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:38 pm 
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Matato'a
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foredeckape wrote:
Hey Vee, Ron opened the floor. Don't try to cancel me.


Oh I'll cancel you.
I'll jump the shark, add a cute kid to the cast to keep things "fresh", have a "very special" episode, then claim the whole thing took place in a dying child's imagination.
That type of cancel.

Then I'll wait 10 years, reimagine your shit for streaming, gender swap some roles, then cancel it again.

You'll be Fuller House, One Day at a Time, The Connors, and Joker's Wild all rolled up into one.

And speaking of which, which is to say, not at all...there used to be a Mexican restaurant/bar in NYC called Tortilla Flats. It was on Washington Street.
Great place. I used to go there all the time. They had a special Ernest Borgnine booth in the back.

Image

Image

In order to have a proper Tiki Bar, you need to have a specific spot ironically dedicated to some B or C level celebrity.
Could be a wall, a corner, some type of shrine...whatever.
But it needs lots of photos, maybe some black velvet, prayer candles, and colorful streamers.
Some suggestions...
Ernest Borgnine.
Shelly Winters.
Paul Lynde.
Shadoe Stevens.
Connie Stevens.
Connie Francis
Russell Johnson.

But you know, make it your own.

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We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold.

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Viva El Scroties!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:49 pm 
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Honui Moai
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Personal Statement: Ouch!
Wow! That's very nice!

Does it count when the B/C lister also owns the restaurant/bar?

However, while we agree on just about everything, I still have to argue with you one a few points. The ending of the Newhart show gave closure to the Bob Newhart show, and was not just a flashback tribute sequence even though we still don't know what happened to Howard. If the character Howard Borden was about the same age as the actor Bill Daily who portrayed him, FAA regulations would have ended his career as an airline pilot around 1987 when his Class 1 medical expired on his 60th birthday. This overlaps the 8 seasons of Newhart. It would be completely believable that the character could have flown the Japanese investors to the inn in Vermont, off screen. Was Stephanie's baby in season 8 just a ploy, as you state, to freshen an aging plot? The actor Julia Duffy was 39 at the time and would have represented many of the career yuppie women of the time.

Poo Poo doats and pee pee doats and dingus lamzy divey. I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2021 8:02 am 
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Initiate Moai Ra'e
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This post made me smile and thankful for getting to drink the spirited wisdom and exchanges that fly like a fire knife at a luau.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2021 8:09 am 
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Initiate Moai Ra'e
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This - - - - >

I built an homage to the Adventurers Club, mostly for my brother, because it was a place we traveled several hours to spend the evening in typically once a week (College classes could wait, or we could make it up somehow, waaaaaay back in the pre digital age).
I’m feeling the vibe for direction, and while it may not be “go west, young man,” ideas are percolating.
Mahalo!
Ron

TheTikiTexan wrote:
I am going to give you a real answer, and leave the produce to the Salad Sisters (do NOT Google them).

A tiki bar is meant to be a personal escape. It should conjure somewhere else that you would rather be. That's it. Five people walk into the same tiki bar, and they are transported to five different locales. Tiki decoration, music, and vibes should probably be vaguely tropical, vaguely nautical, usually dark and mysterious. It may be Caribbean, Pacific, or pirate. But the entire theme is to not pinpoint a specific place or time. Let the individual be transported to their own paradise.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 29, 2021 9:27 am 
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Kere
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Personal Statement: I choose booze.
all I know is that a bar cannot be a Tiki bar if it doesn't come from the Tiki region of France...it can only be a Methode Tiki bar.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2021 10:02 pm 
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Honui Moai
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Personal Statement: Ohanu now!
leisure master wrote:
all I know is that a bar cannot be a Tiki bar if it doesn't come from the Tiki region of France...it can only be a Methode Tiki bar.

You are so correct, mon ami!

It has to be made of proper wood, too. Improper wood is like orange juice in a Mai Tai.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2021 11:11 pm 
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Honui Moai
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Personal Statement: Ouch!
While not a tiki bar, I enjoy the occasional espresso from the Piedmont region of Italy.

It's sweeter, and pairs well with a toblerone tunnel.

Poo Poo doats and pee pee doats and dingus lamzy divey. I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2021 8:41 am 
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Honui Moai
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Don't forget the dank.
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2021 10:45 am 
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Honui Moai
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Personal Statement: Ouch!
There must be some must.

But too much dank and you move from tiki bar appellation into a Belgian style.


Poo Poo doats and pee pee doats and dingus lamzy divey. I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2021 10:38 pm 
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Initiate Moai Ra'e
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RonaldFox wrote:
Aloha Ohana!

I have been to enough tiki bars to discover they seem a bit like a Cobb salad: some of the basics like lettuce and cheese (and even the type is debated), but then it is a free-for-all on the remainder of ingredients.
So it seems with a tiki bar. The basics: bamboo, masks, alcohol (natch), but then theming runs the spectrum. Don't misunderstand what I am getting at here (it is possible I may not even know what I am getting at) as I have NEVER stepped into a tiki bar or something that felt remotely like a tiki bar and didn't immediately feel at home.

So, the question is: can a tiki bar be a tiki bar in name as long as it has some basics, such as the afore-mentioned? Can it be maritime themed, aquatic themed, island themed, shipwreck themed, mismatched?
I thought I knew what a tiki bar looked like, but I seem to know better what one should FEEL like.

Now I open the floor to you:
Looking for thoughts, insights, impressions, opinions & photos if you can share them.

Mahalo!
A Tiki Bar is a bar with a Tiki in it.

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