The Islands of the Fraternal Order of Moai

"You aren't a Lifetime Movie starring Kirk Cameron."


Homepage Homepage    Leadership Leadership    Foundation Foundation    Local Chapters Local Chapters  News News    Events Events   

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]






Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 44 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2020 6:55 pm 
Offline
Honui Moai
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:54 am
Posts: 1915
Location: Xalapa, VER (México)
Personal Statement: Sleeps in hollow logs
CowtownKahuna wrote:
Let's get the musician/light bulb jokes out of the way.

Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and nine to stand around and talk about how they could have done it better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and nine to stand around and talk about how Neil Pert could have done it better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They have machines to do that now.

Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you've gotta show him TEN FUCKING TIMES!

Q: How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds on to the light bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: What's the difference between a dead trombonerist in the middle of the road and a dead snake in the middle of the road?
A: The snake was on his way to a gig.

Q: How do you know whan a drummer's at your front door?
A: The knock keeps speeding up and slowing down, and he doesn't know when to come in.

Q: What's the last thing a stripper does to her asshole before work?
A: Hands him his sticks and drops him off at practice.



Gotta get these in, while we're at it:

Q: What's the difference between a tenor saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: Vibrato.

Q: What's the difference between a clarinet and a cello?
A: The cello burns longer.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A: Ya gotta wear shoes to jump on a banjo.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2020 3:39 pm 
Offline
Honui Moai
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 3:03 pm
Posts: 3717
Location: Land of the Queequeg (Mass.)
Personal Statement: Semper Ebrietas
I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" mixed up.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia!

:pieface:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2020 10:14 pm 
Offline
Chapter Tohunga
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 30, 2016 2:25 pm
Posts: 1009
Personal Statement: Taog eht
The Mayor Of Exotica wrote:
CowtownKahuna wrote:
Let's get the musician/light bulb jokes out of the way.

Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and nine to stand around and talk about how they could have done it better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and nine to stand around and talk about how Neil Pert could have done it better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They have machines to do that now.

Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you've gotta show him TEN FUCKING TIMES!

Q: How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds on to the light bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: What's the difference between a dead trombonerist in the middle of the road and a dead snake in the middle of the road?
A: The snake was on his way to a gig.

Q: How do you know whan a drummer's at your front door?
A: The knock keeps speeding up and slowing down, and he doesn't know when to come in.

Q: What's the last thing a stripper does to her asshole before work?
A: Hands him his sticks and drops him off at practice.



Gotta get these in, while we're at it:

Q: What's the difference between a tenor saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: Vibrato.

Q: What's the difference between a clarinet and a cello?
A: The cello burns longer.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A: Ya gotta wear shoes to jump on a banjo.


Q: How do you get two oboes to play in tune?
A: Shoot one.

Q: Why is a viola so much bigger than a violin?
A: It's not - the violist's head is just too small.

Q: How do you get a guitarist to play quieter?
A: Put music in front of him/her.

_________________
Oceana

"Clarity, transparency, and a good Mai Tai."

ImageImageImageImageImage


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2020 11:23 am 
Offline
Honui Moai
User avatar

Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:48 am
Posts: 809
Location: indanapolis
Personal Statement: Indy Tiki
Don’t look up here


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2020 2:08 pm 
Offline
Kere
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 2:05 pm
Posts: 15841
Location: The apartment above Gunsmoke's James Arness.
Personal Statement: cromagnon ohio thugs
Stop me if you've heard this one....

A long-haul trucker pulls into a truck stop, gets out of his rig and walks into the diner.

He takes a seat at the counter and looks up at the menu sign.

Grilled Cheese - $3
Cheeseburger - $5
Handjobs - $35

The trucker looks around the diner and spots a gorgeous redhead behind the counter.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Are you the one who gives the handjobs I seen the menu?"

The gorgeous redhead smiles and says, "Yes, sir. I am."

To which the trucker replies, "Great. Wash your hands. I want one of them cheeseburgers."

_________________
"He spits his chaw like venom"
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2020 7:59 pm 
Offline
Kere
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 11:28 pm
Posts: 11296
Location: Gumbo Limbo Chapter!
Personal Statement: Down with Pants!
Image

_________________
Never trust a bald barber, a skinny chef, and never ever do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

ImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImage


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2020 1:59 pm 
Offline
Fellow Moai
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:58 pm
Posts: 670
Location: Central New York
Personal Statement: In everything: Balance
A couple goes to see a marriage counselor. They say their marriage is on the rocks because they never speak to each other. The counselor tries to get them to talk, but they just sit there with their arms folded and their mouths closed. So, he pulls out an upright bass and starts taking a solo. Instantly, the couple turns to each other and starts conversing for the first time in months. Shocked by this, the couple asks the counselor: “How did you know that would work?” “Simple,” he says, “Everyone always talks during a bass solo.”

_________________
ImageImageImage


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2020 4:23 pm 
Offline
Kere
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 6:34 am
Posts: 1074
Location: Beyond The Sun
Personal Statement: Liiiighten up, Francis...
Herman has been in the dementia ward of a nursing home for several years. One of the nurses there has been visiting with him everyday for years - just to cheer him up and talk with him. One day she walks into the room and Herman is crying his eyes out. "What's the matter Herman, why are you crying?" she asked. "My penis died!" Herman says. "What?" said the nurse. "My penis died!!" said Herman through sobs. Thinking this was just an effect of the dementia, she consoled Herman, told him his penis didn't die and after a bit got him to stop crying. The next day she went to visit Herman and saw him walking up and down the hallway with his penis hanging out. "Herman! You can't do that!" She grabbed Herman and hustled him to his room and got him dressed. "Why are you doing this, that's not allowed? Besides, you said yesterday that your penis died."

Herman said "It did.....today's the viewing..."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:17 pm 
Offline
Tourist
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:34 pm
Posts: 71
Location: Denver CO
Personal Statement: AcmeTiki.com
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2021 8:30 pm 
Offline
Honui Moai
User avatar

Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:48 am
Posts: 809
Location: indanapolis
Personal Statement: Indy Tiki
What brown and sticky?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2021 8:59 am 
Offline
Tourist

Joined: Sun Jul 15, 2018 9:42 pm
Posts: 152
Image

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy using a hacked pirate satellite in a decaying orbit

_________________
The Devil doesn't own my soul. He just leases it from time to time with an option to buy.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2021 9:36 am 
Offline
Kere
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2007 9:57 am
Posts: 7432
Location: 40:40:11N 73:56:38W
Personal Statement: I choose booze.
There's a joke here somewhere...
Image

_________________
What happen here i can't understand. :P


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2021 11:13 am 
Offline
Kere
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 6:34 am
Posts: 1074
Location: Beyond The Sun
Personal Statement: Liiiighten up, Francis...
<Classic>
What's brown and sounds like a bell?

DUNG!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2021 3:47 pm 
Offline
Honui Moai
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 3:03 pm
Posts: 3717
Location: Land of the Queequeg (Mass.)
Personal Statement: Semper Ebrietas
Bob was a religious golfer. Every Sunday morning, he headed to the golf course. It didn't matter what the weather was like. It could be raining and cold, but Bob didn't care. It was off to the course. Every single Sunday morning for years.

But one Sunday, Bob finally met his match with the weather. He got up early and drove out to the course, hoping the weather would improve by the time he hit the first tee. But once at the course, he knew he was beat. It was just a few degrees above freezing, and the rain was coming down steady and icy cold.

For the first time in years, Bob headed back home on a Sunday morning.

His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes, snuggled up to his wife's backside and said "Terrible weather out there."

"Yeah," his wife replied, "and can you believe my idiot husband went golfing?"


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 9:10 am 
Offline
Kere
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 11:28 pm
Posts: 11296
Location: Gumbo Limbo Chapter!
Personal Statement: Down with Pants!
The feeling of missing someone is horrible.

Just ask any sniper.

_________________
Never trust a bald barber, a skinny chef, and never ever do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

ImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImage


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 10:06 am 
Offline
Kere
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 11:28 pm
Posts: 11296
Location: Gumbo Limbo Chapter!
Personal Statement: Down with Pants!
The kids said they want a cat for Christmas.

We usually do turkey, but hey.... if it makes them happy.

_________________
Never trust a bald barber, a skinny chef, and never ever do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

ImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImage


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 3:01 pm 
Offline
Initiate Moai Ra'e
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2020 9:59 am
Posts: 45
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Personal Statement: In Love with Moondoggie
Riddle me this...

The man who invented it doesn't want it.
The man who bought it doesn't need it.
The man who needs it doesn't know it.

What am I?

_________________
Aloha_Gidget88


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 11:40 pm 
Offline
Tourist
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2021 11:48 pm
Posts: 12
Location: The Lava Lounge
Personal Statement: Keep Calm and Drink Rum
Aloha!

Would that be a coffin? -I was just dying to give that answer.

:fez:

Monsignor Tiki

_________________
-As you slide down the banister of life, May the splinters never point the wrong way.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Who has a good joke
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2021 10:02 pm 
Offline
Honui Moai
User avatar

Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:48 am
Posts: 809
Location: indanapolis
Personal Statement: Indy Tiki
A stick hahaha


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 44 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: z~Google [Bot] and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
POWERED_BY
Translated by Xaphos © 2007, 2008, 2009 phpBB.fr